Risky Business

A good adventure gives just enough risk to get your juices going and makes you glad you stepped up to the challenge. You want to be energized by your adventure - you want to say "Wow...what a ride! Let's do it again!" 

Learning to risk safely is important then....it will keep you moving into your discomfort instead of away from it. If you find yourself saying "Holy cow, I'm glad I survived and I'm never doing that again!" It could be more about finding your perfect adventure - on your terms....and less about adventuring itself.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER compare your adventure to someone else's - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER compare your ability to adventure with someone else's. Find your perfect adventure and stick with it until you need to change it up...if you keep moving into adventure, there's little chance that you'll stay in one place for long.

You can, of course, learn more about finding your perfect adventure on your terms by visiting my website Loving the Adventure there's even a free teleclass you don't want to miss that will help you "Find Out What's Really Stopping Your From Being Adventurous (It's Not What You Think)"....check it out, it may be the next step to risking safely.

What Are You Grateful For?

It’s two days before Christmas and I have just a few (fun) things left to do – yes, I’ll have to brave the crowds at Trader Joes, but since we’ve been given a break in our torrential rains for a few days, I’m looking forward to getting out.

This year I’m spending Christmas Eve with a very special, long-time friend. When we found out a few weeks ago that neither of us would have our kids home for the holidays – a first for both of us – we decided to create an adult Christmas Eve together (after all friends are the family you choose, right?)

So we’ll be starting with a few adventures in the kitchen. I’ll make a wicked Cioppino and my friend is planning a decadent dessert - and of course something 'toasty' by the fireplace. I love it when I get a chance to create something new and special in the kitchen. My long-time readers know that I have a very adventurous spirit around food – both eating and preparing.

But I think what’s really going to make the evening is when we create our 2010 gratitude lists – and we’re going to get very creative with this. We will write down everything that has happened to us this year that we are grateful for. I’m still playing with ideas, but think mine will be in either booklet form or turn into a poster ‘masterpiece’ to hang on my walls – there’s nothing more beautiful than gratitude!! I might even share a photo of the finished product.

Just thinking about this evening gets my juices flowing – imagine this:

• Long-time close friends
• Hearty food delights lovingly prepared
• Capped off with a grateful walk down memory lane

Can’t you just feel the energy in the air?

Merry Christmas everyone – may you have a holiday filled with good food, love and gratitude too. 

Can You Build Your Plane While Flying?

Today I have waves of melancholy and excitement coursing through me.  I have to say that the wisdom about letting go to make room for something new and better is true, but not always easy, because we sometimes need to let go before we’re ready (or certainly think we are).

I am sitting here preparing to let go officially and to move into new territory and I’m filled with emotion. My heart tells me it’s good and it’s time, but my mind still wants to hang on for a moment longer secure in the status quo, but I know that status quo is my warden, my jailor. I know that I only live free if I listen to my inner spirit and face toward the new, the unexpected and, yes, the scary.

I was talking to a friend last night about how we (as humans) often hang on to something until we ruin it. I know that to be true as I’ve done that too many times before….I am much faster now at recognizing when it’s time and to begin to psychologically prepare myself.

I know exactly what my next focus is, the hard part is that it can be done anywhere in the world. For me it’s not about location, location, location. It’s about adventure, adventure, adventure.

So what I’m doing next is crystal clear. Where I’m doing it isn’t…. I’ll be cleaning out and calling Goodwill in preparation. I trust that an opportunity will show itself soon and I’ll just know it’s right, as I’ve always known, and I’ll jump into that adventure too.

It’s funny, I used to say, ‘leap and the net will appear’….now I’m going to build my plane as I fly it. If you know exactly what I mean, then be sure you sign up for email alerts with each new post from this blog – you won’t want to miss a single story.

I’ll always take you along with me.

A Year of Living Adventurously

I’m extremely thankful for the life I’ve had, and I’m equally filled with gratitude for the life ahead of me.

I cannot believe it’s been barely over a year since I’ve been actively focusing on my adventurous side….my adventurous spirit and I stepping into the discomfort of the unknown with eyes wide open, ready to experience life on a higher level; At first steeled only with resolve, then later comfortably embracing the discomfort that represents risks and living well.

With each new adventure comes a richer, deeper more expanded way of life. Gone are the days of feeling shut down and shut out of my own life. Gone is the overwhelm of day to day living (coping, if truth be told), gone is wondering where I belong and who I’m supposed to play with.

Today my life is filled with not only a heightened adventurous spirit, but loving relationships that mirror that – full of joy, and yes, adventure too – especially adventure. Not leading nor following, but walking side by side as we experience the world on this new, higher, more committed level.

I am finding more and more people who resonate with my desires and who want to play with me – people who are willing to invest in life in the ways that are important to our continued growth. Juicy, voluptuous, passionate, messy, flat-out-no-holds-barred at times, full of feeling; People who lean into fear and the unknown with grace and energy – my people.

I’m home even on the most exciting adventure because it is my life…my wonderful, adventurous life. Thank you all who have joined me, encouraged me and loved my journey. To this introvert it has been nothing short of amazing.

The Bare Truth - Trusting My Bliss

You know that I’ve broken through some pretty big barriers that kept me grounded and shackled in my life. I’ve had to learn to break free and enjoy the feeling of being adventurous. There are so many of you out there just like me…on your own path; some just starting, some beside me and some way out on the ledge. I want everyone to experience the joy of freedom that I now feel. That is why I started writing – to share my process in hopes that it will inspire you too to keep taking your next step.

But my writing is taking on a new life. It began as something for you, and I realize now that it is my lifeblood. I cannot stop writing for it is where my bliss is. Without you I might never have started…so thank you.

I am also filled with passion about helping others find their adventure – step out of the shell of introversion – live big and bold and joyfully…I’ve learned it and I know those that yearn for it can learn from my experience.

For a few years I have wanted to create products that will help you along your journey…things that have worked for me, and others like me, that will work for you too. The products are in my head, and they are exciting, but for whatever reason I am not completing them and that causes a block in my writing as well…about the only thing that is happening right now is traveling. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately and have dreams of many more miles. But it seems that I should be finding a way to earn a living….....

There is something BIG stopping me and I’m just not sure what it is. Here’s where my thoughts go daily:

• “Ok I want to travel and roam around the world just doing whatever spirit calls me to do – to live in the now.” (I call it following my Bliss.)

• “I’m currently doing that, but I’m using my savings to supplement this. I have enough savings to last me two more years of Bliss…” (insert a note of fear with this thought.)

• “I will either find my path and create money by following my Bliss, or I will go through it all and have to rebuild.” (again).

• “I’m tired of building…I want to play…it’s time to play.”

My heart’s desire is to play and to write about it. I am at my fullest when I’m writing from the heart. My belief is: If I write honestly, openly and with humor people will follow me. I feel that I am called to earn an income from my writing...but for now, I just write because with it I am earning a life.

However, I am blocked on my writing right now because I am trying to create products to sell. I don’t seem to be able to write and produce a product too. I know I’m meant to write, so the product (which intellectually makes good sense – like a plan B) is standing in the way.

My intellect says: Just power through the product, get it out there and let a VA manage it for you so you can go play. But my heart says: if it doesn’t call to ‘you’, it won’t call to anyone. A VA cannot generate the energy and good will that you do. Your products will need you forever…they will keep you grounded when all you really want to do is fly – soar.

This morning I woke up realizing that I don’t have to know where my money is coming from, I just have to live my Bliss. Let go of the details, that’s not my job any more. Allow God to provide the details, He can do it far better than I can. (and much easier, I suspect).

I tear up when I acknowledge this…it is the truth…it is scary…I know I must do this and I know that I will survive….I will survive on my terms, on my level, in love and with joy.

I’m going to continue to write my story and adventure through the holidays, then I’m going to go to Peru for a month or two….that will be my stepping off point for 2011.

I’m going to write…that is something that I cannot stop doing. I can’t stop traveling either…those are two really great things to know about myself. I’ve trusted my Bliss this far, from now on I’m going to put all my faith in it (quit hedging my bets) and do what it takes to keep following whatever opportunities the universe sends my way.

From your very terrified and excited Adventurous Introvert..............

Adventure and Introversion DO Go Together

One doesn’t immediately think of an introvert as an adventurer, and I certainly fell prey to that line of thinking for a long time too. How could someone living such a rich, internal existence be considered adventurous?

One big huge misconception is that all introverts are shy and avoid new situations. While that’s true of many, those behaviors are usually the results of learning rather than personality trait. The basic innate traits of the introvert are someone who enjoys solitude, depth, and finding solutions to life’s problems. Introverts do not thrive in a surface, one-dimensonal world, they do, however thrive in the depths of mystery and intrigue, and what’s more adventurous than discovery?

I would venture that many explorers past and present were introverts as well. Someone who sets out on an adventure to discover new worlds or new ways to do something often sets out alone. They are doing and going places that no man has gone before. While the thrill of adventure might motivate an extrovert, the thrill of discovery often motivates the introvert.

We are not all inventors and explorers, but introverts can still adopt the adventurous mindset. Adventure is an attitude, after all. We can feel adventurous doing mundane things like grocery shopping or filling the tank up with gas. We don’t need to be rock climbing to feel the joy and spirit of adventure.

Adrenaline Junkie

O.K., I have to write this. Readers who have been with me a long time have heard this story, so forgive me, but for my new readers there’s something you should know about me. I’m a closet adrenaline junkie trapped inside an introvert’s body.

I just watched a short clip of a Blue Angel performing across the San Francisco Bay – low enough to leave a trail in the water and I’m filled with excitement and memories of how important their performances have always been to me.

So important, in fact, that I always thought I was going to grow up to be a fighter pilot. Period. No questions asked. I was going to fly like the wind – fight bad guys and be one with the universe. No one told me that (in those days) women were not allowed to be fighter pilots. 

(My dream fell away when my eyesight failed to the point of  becoming ineligible (somewhere around 10 or 12). I don't remember the details, but I accepted this far more readily than I would have accepted denial simply due to my gender. Bless my family for not pointing this out to me as I had enough on my plate to deal with.)

Adrenaline – my love and my enemy. A thrill and a burden. Too much adrenaline and my system crashes…not enough and I wither. I was withering several years ago in an attempt to handle the chaos that had become my life - I was in permanent shut down mode, not allowing any stimulus to reach me; trying to be safe, but suffocating instead. However, I am bold and brave in spurts so during one of those moments I forged out to set things right - to discover the life that I wanted – rather than a life by default.

Here on these pages I have shared my struggles with wanting more than my energetic system can handle and testing ways to have it all. I can, you know – have it all. I refuse to accept the default mode anymore. I am finding balance more often than not these days, I am finally accepting that life can be just EXACTLY the way I want it...filled with excitement and serenity; no small task, but it's mine.

Selfish or Highly Focused?

I was called selfish so much as a child that I really believed it. After all I’m totally focused on myself and what I’m doing, yes, often to the exclusion of others and outside activities. I’m in my element inside my head tossing around idea after idea. 

Yet, I’m one of the most caring and giving people you’ll ever meet too. Granted, I’m very judicious about whom I give my energy to, and as an introvert I have just a handful of friends that I would drop everything and support, but my passion is large and expansive for those who have endured the trials and tribulations that many introverts have.

Of course it isn’t introversion that is the culprit, it’s the way we have internalized our world and the defensive mechanisms that we have put into place that often get in our way of just being who we are. Or more specifically being O.K. with who we are.

I woke up this morning wondering what selfish means…I bought into it decades ago, and it still travels with me, but I think I’m just focused and driven. My thoughts are so consuming that I can’t ignore them. But they are not thoughts of myself, they are thoughts of others and how to help, so maybe it’s time to leave behind the shame of being selfish and accept that I’m driven and intense and I latch on to ideas like a bull dog with a bone.

Well, correcting erroneous beliefs is always a nice way to start ones day….you have a good one too. 

Life on a Different Planet

When your wonderful, teasing, yet irritating extrovert friend keeps doing something that drives you crazy:

Introvert: Why do you keep doing that when you know how much I hate it?

Extrovert: ???? You just answered your own question (smiling brightly).

They are not your enemy; they are just from another planet. Love them anyway.

Results Are In - Survey Says......

First, before I tell you the results of the survey - What an Introvert Wants - I want to thank the wonderful Facebook friends who rose to my aide by posting my “calling all introverts” plea and the link to my survey in their status updates – it allowed me to reach far more than my own friends I’ve made along the way. You would be surprised at how many of your friends responded and took my survey (I read years ago that introverts love to take quizzes!). Without your support, I would be far less effective in helping other introverts come to terms with their introversion and find their way to live empowered lives. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

Now the results:

1. Which website would you most likely visit based on NAME ALONE

The top three winners were: 

• Introvert’s Wisdom (first) and 
• The Way of the Introvert tied with 
• The Introvert’s Challenge

I will most likely be using these three names for my revised website, newsletter and Course offerings.

2. If you wanted support dealing with an issue related to your introversion, what form would you most prefer?

A resounding number of you selected "eLessons to be completed on your own time schedule that also includes email interaction with the instructor." A close second was books. 

I’m thrilled because that is precisely what I have been designing. There will be a heavy emphasis on prerecorded video classes complete with printable PDF workbooks along with questions for you to answer that will prepare you for your email interaction with the instructor – no set times needed – who wouldn’t love that?

3. Based on some of the challenges that you face as an introvert, which areas would you most likely seek support for?

All areas were fairly even in your responses, but these three had the most ‘votes’:

• Finding balance between the demands of my life and energy.
• Handling criticism with grace.
• Understanding why things affect me the way they do.

 Look for lessons that will specifically target these areas - (your wish is my command).

4. Please include any other thoughts you have that were not addresses in this short survey.

There were a number of you who would like some support in handling the marketing/promotion aspect of being a self-employed along with the need to also balance the solitude of the soloprenuer and a healthy interaction with people and events. Sometimes there can be too much solitude, so how do you reach out successfully as an introvert?

All of your comments have been taken to heart as I design new classes to help you help yourself. 

I believe we all have the answers to our own questions, but sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees - that's when a coach can guide you to see things that there - always have been - you've just needed to shift perspective a bit.  That's my job, guiding the shift to happen.

May I remind every one of what you already know in your heart: 
Introversion is not a disease, you are not broken, and you do not need to be fixed….you might however, need to rediscover what makes you so wonderful and learn how to use your natural born traits to your best advantage, and perhaps let go of a limiting behavior to two….to step into the world of your choice by your standards.

Muuaaah to all of you. Thank you

If you took the survey and want to be notified of further surveys, upcoming classes and keep up on my adventures as an introvert, be sure to sign up for emails of new posts. It’s in the column on the right – just put your email address in the box under my smiling picture. Everything I do feeds through here first, so don’t be the last to find out…sign up now.

Do Not Shy Away From Anger

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

That is so true about the important things in life. When we first become aware of a truth (especially if it’s been hiding in plain sight all our life) we get that forehead slapping ‘ah ha’ that we finally get it.

Then in comes the anger. Anger against ourselves, others, God, the universe, no one is spared from our wrath. We become militant as we try on this new belief.

However, as we own our belief more and more we reach a level of acceptance and here’s where we can decide to move on with our lives seeking a new path to explore.

After acceptance sets in we can become complacent, but hopefully instead we become inspired to use our new belief for our highest good….

So do not shy away from anger…it has its place in our growth process. It might be the beginning of a whole new chapter in your life.

Here’s how a truth of mine progressed a few years ago:

Them: You should get out more

Me: (To myself) Yes, there must be something wrong with me because I hate going out, I just don’t seem to fit in.

Them: You should get out more

Me: Leave me alone, I don’t want to go out! There’s nothing wrong with enjoying time alone!

Them: You should get out more

Me: You don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine staying home alone for now.

Them: You should get out more

Me: smiling tolerantly: Hmmm, sounds like you’re looking forward to getting out.

THEY haven’t changed a bit…My belief about myself did. I’m an introvert, I don’t have a disease, I’m not broken and I don’t need to be fixed, I just find my inner mindscape very fun and exciting. 

Phonophobia Strikes Again

You do know that I’m a phonophobe? No, it’s not really a word, but it describes my relationship with the telephone to a tee. I just made an important call to my dentist…one that needed to have been made several weeks ago, and now I’m in an emergency situation.

No, I’m not afraid of the dentist. Yes, I have time to make the visit, I even have the funds to cover the visit, so how could I let this happen, you ask? Phonophobia – I will avoid anything that takes a phone call.

I had a wonderful visit with a friend yesterday via Skype. I’ve always had wonderful, insightful, inspirational visits with this friend, but all day I fought the urge to text her and cancel our talk. Phonophobia.

Is it because I depend on visuals when I’m talking? I don’t know, I think that’s part of it, but there is something else at play too. I’ve read of other introverts who have the same phobia, so I know I’m not alone.

That fact has little consolation when you are gripped by the negative emotion of answering the phone. Jump off a cliff? Hmmm, let me think about it. Answer the phone? Are you crazy?

Email me anytime, day or night and I’ll get right back to you. Call me and you’ll probably get my voice mail and maybe a call back. Then again, maybe not…

The Case of the ADHD Adventurous Introvert

Too many choices. Too many distractions. Too many unfinished projects left in the wayside in favor of the new and improved (shiny) project. For someone who constantly tries to simplify her life, I sure have a slew of things calling for my attention.

My brain just won't rest. No wonder my relationship with the external world is love/hate. I love all the options and diversions and hate the energy drain...

I'm O.K. as long as I let the experience come and go. My downfall is wanting to do something with it - like hang on to it, or mold it into something else. 

Is it because the introvert in me wants to delve deeper into everything so that I can't just let things pass me by unexplored? Dunno...I promised myself I would rest and recuperate, but I'm sensing another adventure around the corner.....

Cha Cha Cha Changes....

Today is a lesson in letting go. This October 31 will be my two year anniversary of the launch of my website and monthly newsletters “The Journey Within”. In two years both have undergone changes in looks as well as content, but I’ve always stayed with the guided writing theme because that is what I use and what I believe in. I have offered my 6 week writing class as an audio eCourse and I’ve had countless clients who have reached stellar clarity and vision, but I am being called in a slightly different direction.

Currently I manage:

• A Website – ZanPackard.com
• A monthly newsletter - The Journey Within
• This blog - The Adventurous Introvert
• The completion of my first book (still a bit too far off to suit me)
• Private coaching clients
• and All things in-between.

While they all are interrelated, they are separate entities too. Each one demands maximum creativity, and each one feels like a full time job. And honestly they are too much for me to manage well. It feels as if they, or I, are always suffering from neglect.

I find that all I really want to do is to write and embark on adventures…tough to make a living out of that (at least so far), but that is where my heart is and where the heart goes, so does the money (OK, I made that up, but it’s a good mantra, don’t you think?).

So here’s what I will be doing over the next few months:

Website: http://www.ZanPackard.com

I’ve decided to change the website from a high maintenance informational site to instead focus on the series of new writing classes that are almost ready to unveil. They are a series of affordable, quick little instant download eLessons that center on a specific issue–  and will come to you as an eBook and video for one price – no need to choose, you will get both because sometimes you like to read and sometimes you like to watch.

So if you are used to my information rich website you will notice a change to one that is mainly focused on getting my products out and into your hands so that you can benefit from the results. The website will be my store, and one that can be managed by someone else if I’m away for long periods of time. 

I’ve avoided doing this because my loyal readers are used to a much more low-keyed, conversational/informational, website. But truly, I am going to do a grand promotion to get my eCourses into your hands so that you can benefit from what they have to offer. There will be much more of a sales angle because if you don’t buy it, you won’t work it and I know these lessons have lots to offer everyone.

Monthly Newsletter: The Journey Within

I’m also going to radically change the newsletter - The Journey Within…it has come full cycle and I am ready to focus on writing in a different way, for me and for my clients. The new version will have a new name and will focus more on courageous questions rather than on specific guided writing techniques. The questions will be about bringing purpose to your writing and to your life. They are really all any of us needs to move forward. If you aren’t asking them yourself, you can trust me to.

I can’t believe how difficult it is to let go of the original concept – one that started me on this amazing and wonderful journey. However, that system no longer suits who I am and my former students are likely ready to mix it up a bit too. As we change, so do our needs.

This blog will remain the same, and there is now a link in the right-hand column under my smiling picture for you to sign up to receive my Blog Post by email when ever a new story is posted. 

God bless the Adventurous Introvert and you for being steadfast, loyal readers. These few changes will allow me to branch out even more in my adventurousness and (finally) get my book into print.

To the future and life never remaining still….

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I'm So Very Humbled by Your Journey

When I first started this blog I wasn’t sure at all what I was doing. I was becoming more adventurous myself and I wanted to chronicle it in an entertaining sort of way and maybe even inspire others to find their own sense of adventure. I knew that I had made a huge lifestyle change - I was finally set free from my self imposed constraints, and I wanted to shout my joy from the rooftops…this blog is me shouting. Little did I know how life changing this blog would be you too.

There were times in the past 18 months where I was inclined to revert back into the comfort of my ‘cave’ and create a lively internal world rather than break through my comfort zone and actually explore outside of myself. Sometimes I did things simply to have something to write about, almost like a duty, but always I loved the adventure.

This blog kept me going. I became devoted to the concept of being adventurous, and it was a decisive factor in my decisions many times since its incarnation. This blog became my ‘child’ that I had to care for, to be a role model for, to love and nurture.

Knowing how painful my world was and how remarkable life became when I shed some of the shackles and began being true to myself – my adventurous self – I began to also hope that I might inspire others to do the same. If I could just help one person to live more fully with passion and intensity with the life that was burning inside of them then I could be a happy woman indeed.

I think we all love to share what excites us and the other day I received an email. I have permission to use excerpts from it and I’d like to share them with you. These words have meant more to me than I can truly express and make me realize that this blog is working. I’ve left out the identifying sentences for anonymity and am sharing the essence of the words that mean so much to me.

"I wanted to tell you how much you’ve inspired me to take a look at my life and make some much needed changes. When I read your accounts of your adventures it made me realize that I was wanting adventure too … my life is very controlled and I don’t have much room to maneuver, but I’ve decided to just take some time for myself … those around me don’t understand, and I can deal with that, but I am finally taking some risks that I had forgotten were important to me … one of the most disappointing things I’ve come to realize is that I’ve surrounded myself with people who have no sense of adventure, but I don’t let that stop me … I’m doing things on my own when necessary and the important thing is that I’m doing them. I have an opportunity [coming up] that I can’t say no to… It makes no sense to me, but there is a part of me that knows I must do it ... I thought you’d like to know how much you have touched one life.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts because I think they helped me start thinking of adventure in a different way and in a way that is important to me."

Thank you all for your remarks, your interest and your support. I’m not sure where I will end up, and it doesn’t matter, but I know I’ve helped one person begin to live more fully…what more can I ask for?

Gifting at Burning Man

 One of the philosophies of Burning Man is to be a gifting society. No money was exchanged for anything but ice – and I guess coffee at the café. There was food to be had, drinks to be had, mementos to be had all in the spirit of giving. The philosophy goes further than gifting of tangibles, it embraces a gifting attitude. A smile was a gift, a helping hand was a gift – anything that made the society run smoothly was a gift.

To my amazement, I spent a whole week within this temporary city of over forty thousand people packed into less than 5 square miles under some pretty harsh conditions at times. These people were there to have a good time, so I imagine each was partaking in their chosen form of de-inhibitors and yet, nothing was overtly obvious and the thing that amazed me most was that not once did I feel uncomfortable with the ethos of the crowd.

The gift I appreciated the most was to be able to freely walk around, be a part of the event and not just a spectator, absorb the energy of the environment and not have anyone push themselves on me. There wasn’t a single time I put my guard up or that I wished someone would go away, or quit talking or stop doing whatever they were doing. My comfort zone was fully respected without judgment, which allowed me to stretch my boundaries even more.

I like the gifting mentality. I think the best thing anyone can gift is their attitude. We are all in this life together. It may not feel like it at times, but we are one, none-the-less. Take care of your own square foot, reach out when you can, and tend to the most open attitude you can muster….it’s a great feeling.

BTW there is an organization created by past Burners that is making a difference around the world...Burners Without Borders is gifting at its highest. It started with relief for Katrina victims and has moved throughout the world helping where there is need. Check it out here http://www.burnerswithoutborders.org/ Peru has my name written all over it, maybe I can make that happen next year?

The Rhythm of Burning Man

Close your eyes….imagine music with a beat and rhythm that moves through you – kick starts your heart, caresses your soul, and brings you fully awake, alive, here and now!!

That’s the music of Burning Man – aside from the traditional band venues playing around the camps, there was the primary pulse that could be heard wherever you were. To me, it can only be called Burning Man. You may have heard it before – Lord knows I’ve never been adventurous in sound – but Burning Man haunts me good.

Every sunrise and sunset I could hear the beat of drum circles (djembe mostly). Every morning an Art Car would tour the camp waking me to the sweet, rhythmic message to my soul to come alive. My quiet mornings since have never been the same.

But the real music of Burning Man was different than I’ve ever heard. It was mostly without lyrics and it was total rhythm that moved through me. I didn’t listen to the music, I felt the music. I found myself dancing wherever I went a la flower child of yore – and I loved it.

The freedom to express the music through movement is, of course, very primal. What was that music Burning Man? Is there a name for it? And how can I get me some? I’d hate to wait a whole year to hear it again……


I found a link to some of the music - check it out and see if you aren't be-bopping around too today!!  http://kramer.methodrone.com/mixes/kramer_burningman_2010.mp3

Burning Man – Oh You’re One of Those People!

When I first decided to go to Burning Man (three weeks before the event) there were many calls to find an RV rental….one woman who found out her RV was going to Burning Man hung up on me because I was one of ‘those’ people…WOW, I still haven’t fully figured out who I am, I don’t know how she did it so quickly!!!

P.S. – there is no one type of person at Burning Man….just as in life, there are all types, just acting differently – more free – more respectful – more creative. That’s my take. I’ve heard other experiences that are different, but isn’t that the beauty of things? We all get what we’re looking for.

P.S.S. Sorry my pictures are so poor - there is definitely room for improvement next year!!

After Burn - Making Sense of Chaos

Every time I sit down to write about Burning Man my thoughts go a thousand different directions. Each experience was so self contained that it’s hard to put them into organized thoughts to make sense to anyone who wasn’t there – and maybe even to those who were there since we all saw Burning Man through our own eyes.

We were greeted at the entrance gate with a “Welcome home”, and while I now know what that means vis a vis Burning Man, it had a special meaning for me that night – a long-time desert rat with memories of security and place in the harsh environment. I was returning home, make no mistake about it, but this home was so vastly different that anything I’ve ever experienced.

Burning Man was everything I thought it would be and more. The desert will always be my emotional home. It is where I can breathe. It is where I can ground. It is a bigger part of me than I remembered and my reconnection was a joy. I can tell you about the hordes of people, the heat, the wind, the ever present dust, oh the dust!, the beauty of the sculptures standing alone on the Playa, and of course there is the noise - the music that is pulsating at all hours of the day, the Carnival/Mardi Gras feeling of the Esplanade at night, the Star Wars environment of the Playa during the day. It all fit together to make one big, amazing week.

I tried to write my thoughts down while I was there, but they were mostly a chronology of what I was doing. While there was much feeling evoked from all of it, I was unaware of what exactly they were…except when I was way out on the Playa getting my energy back from Mother Earth.

I still cannot find the words to describe what happened, but I am so content with the residual feelings that sit in my heart. Will I go back next year? Hell yeah!!

Look for further posts about the art, the people, the environment, the camps, the noise, the music...they all belong together in their own package....kind of like Christmas morning....many presents that all add up to be one event. I'm opening them all right now......

The Anticipation Builds

This is my new logo for the week   )^(   I'm going to be a Burner....You can check out Burning Man for yourself.







It’s been a crazy few weeks getting ready to be gone for a while. In the past I’ve always been able to complete and transmit my writing projects while on the road, but that won’t be the case this time. Soon I will be out of range of all communication. No phone, no email, no outside world, no nuttin’. Just me, the desert and 50,000 other people. I’m going to Burning Man 2010.

Doesn’t sound like an introvert’s paradise does it?, but think about it. I am a people watcher to the nth degree, and what better place to watch people? People who are tapping into their inner spirit and embracing all that the week has to offer. Freedom to release and be who they want to be. We spend so much of our time moderating and taming our inner spirits that I look forward to being around others who come to let theirs soar.

I cannot believe that I am actually doing this. The Zan of yore would have run the opposite direction from this event, and today I am tingling with excitement. I’m not sure what to expect, I’ve heard every kind of story about Burning Man there is. My curiosity is on full speed ahead.

There will be plenty of people doing things that I have no interest in, but my excitement is in feeling the overall energy of the event. I’m an art junkie so I’m excited to see all the varieties and forms of art that will be displayed. Remember, this is a crowd of uber creative people; that in and of itself will be a joy to experience.

I’ve been told that it might reach over 100 degrees during the day. It might drop down to freezing at night. There could be sudden thunderstorms or dust storms with winds as high as 70 MPH…and truth be told, I’ve experienced all that in the Southern California desert as a young girl growing up. I remember so many weekends spent in the sand dunes with my father…I know about harsh, unexpected climates and I’m kind of excited to be back in it.

I’ve been told that there will be drugs and nudity and crazy behavior….well, I’ve seen that too, and I can walk away any time I choose to get some ‘space’, or find new energy that better suits me. In a group of 50,000 people I can expect to find anything and everything, and in a more heightened tempo. I relish this experience...who knows, maybe I'm just looking forward to not being the only odd duck in the pond.

I think the real challenge will be to keep my energy up. I do get exhausted from over stimulation, and this sounds like it could be total sensory overload. But I have learned a thing or two about being an introvert, and being able to find adventure wherever I go, and meet my own unique needs too. I have no fears or doubts.

I’ve been told that Burning Man will change you in ways you’ve never expected. I am ready…


You probably won't hear from me until I return...but I will be sharing my experience with you, I promise.

Truly Great Friends

I’m always so amazed at how people come in and out of my life. There is a saying that speaks of people coming to you for a reason, a season or a lifetime that really explains the flow quite nicely.

Being an introvert, I don’t make friends with ease, and once they are a friend, they remain so for life. But what exactly, defines friendship? That is where I have erred in the past. I have mistakenly let some people into my life as a ‘friend’, when in reality they were just there for a reason or a season; No less likeable or necessary to my happiness, but transient none-the-less.

When these people move out of your life it can hurt. But keeping them close to you at any cost would cause its own type of wound, so sometimes the most graceful thing we can do is to let them go.

I have new acquaintances appearing all the time and I love that about life. But I also have acquaintances disappearing too. I’ve had to learn that not everyone has a permanent place to stay in my heart forever. It’s these individuals that I have to cherish for being there for a reason – some a season, but never a lifetime. They have brought me a precious gift – even if it hurts.

I read somewhere that we are lucky to have three people to call true friends. I am blessed to have more than that. I am truly blessed with amazing friends and exciting acquaintances and I love them all for however long I can have them in my life.

The Sea and Me

It is sunny and clear this evening. A perfect time to sit on the balcony with my feet up, sipping my beloved Scorpion Mezcal and looking at the horizon filled with nothing and everything at the same time.

When I moved here I swore I would never, ever complain of fog...coming from 20 plus years of over 105 degree summer days I was ready for some cool, ocean breezes. Well, the fog can be a bit difficult to handle at times, but really, on a day like today all I can feel is peace and gratitude for the gift of  now and the gift of here....Cheers

Just Deal With It!

I can spend a lot of time wishing things were different, but that would necessitate me being different.

I rather like the way I am, so in the words of a dear friend "You're prickly yet loving; you're all out or you're shut down; that's the way you roll, just deal with it!"

Well said.

FINALLY ! !

I woke up yesterday morning with answers to a problem that I've been struggling with all year. I've had two books in me for a while. The one I think I should write and the one I want to write.

I can give a dozen reasons why I've divided my life into two books – and on one hand it makes perfect sense. But the reality is that I wasn't enjoying the writing process very much. My should book became my have to book. It wasn't coming together and it was boring the crap out of me (I can only imagine the yawn it would be to you, dear reader). I didn't dare work on my want to book for fear of neglecting my have to book...you can see the problem here.

What finally happened is that I woke up and 'saw' a way to combine both books. It's not in a conventional form, but so much of my life isn't conventional so there's nothing new there. I wrote for 5 hours with my fingers flying over the keyboard, and most importantly I was entertaining myself---what fun I had.

I was bringing parts of my should book into play with my want to book. I think it's going to work. I'm excited again about my writing. I woke up with happy anticipation instead of dread. I think I'm on to something and it feels like an adventure….stay tuned, this book is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's turning out to be the most fun too.

What Dance Floor are You Standing On?

"No one is able to enjoy such feast than the one who throws a party in his own mind." ~Selma Lagerlöf

The life of an introvert is very much about enjoying the party in your own mind. I am always creating complete and exciting scenarios…and I must say they are more entertaining than any of the parties that I usually attend. Nothing seems to stand up to the richness of my imagination.

What I miss the most when I venture outside of my thoughts is the depth, the richness and fullness that I have so carefully nurtured and coddled into existence. 

Inward or outward we all dance to the tune of our unique thoughts. So what matters most just might be the dance floor we are choosing to stand on.

Why Do We Do The Things We Do?

I woke up this morning finally rested from a full night’s sleep. The turmoil surrounding putting all the pieces together for Burning Man is taking a toll on my energy. However, it looks like a motor home is miraculously appearing and now it’s 95% sure The Burn is on.

Someone commented that it will be a great place to practice inner peace, which made me ask myself: “Wow, is that why I’m doing this? As some sort of a test?” I’m still working through this question because I think it’s an important one to understand – we all should know why we do the things we do.

I will tell you this. I spent so many years of my life afraid to participate. I said ‘no’ way too quickly and 'yes' not nearly often enough. If you’ve been reading me for a while you know that has been my biggest breakthrough – releasing my fears and becoming fully alive in my own skin.

Maybe Burning Man will be a proving ground for me – but I sense that there is something bigger at work. It’s been said by many that Burning Man changes you forever – That’s a pretty powerful lure for me…why do I do the things I do? Because I can. . . finally, I can!

Burning Man

A few weeks ago a friend of mine began talking about Burning Man. It looked like this was finally going to be his year to go.  I was happy for him in a detached sort of way – everybody should get to choose their adventures in life.

Yet, every time he talked about it I found myself putting up mental barriers – it all just seemed too much to me. Too much noise, too much proximity to revelers that were having too much fun, too much spontaneity, too much togetherness, too much dust, just too, too much. 

Imagining his adventure was triggering memories of other times that were also too much for me: Cinco de Mayo in Ensenada decades ago – oh boy was that too much, Love-ins and Concerts in the Park that had way too much disorder, too much lose-cannon mentality, and too much authority trying to contain it.

When I heard the words Burning Man, I felt the discomfort of those events from long ago. Then I realized that was then and this is now. I had lots of social ‘issues’ back then that I hadn’t yet come to terms with. I’m still an introvert, but damn it, I’m an Adventurous Introvert!

I wasn’t invited along so I didn’t have to invest serious time deciding, but I was disturbed by my initial reaction to this event. There was Burning Man and there was my protective ‘wall’ – I could literally feel it in my body.  I’ve grown enough to know that I don’t want to base what I choose today on habits and behaviors of yesterday.

My gut level, negative reaction to Burning Man didn’t sit right with me, so I spent some time thinking about it from today’s perspective. I did my list of pros and cons. Well, actually I just did my list of pros and found that knot of excitement slowing uncoiling and coming to life.  I did my obligatory Google search and was trapped for a few hours discovering all that it is…and it is pure adventure. Geez, I went from never-ever considering it, to trying to happy for my friend, to all of a sudden craving the adventure too. I exhaust myself some times (happily said with a smile).

And here’s the interesting part. It now looks like I might go…there’s only three weeks before it starts and I need to find a camper or RV to rent at a price that isn’t tripled for the week of the Burning Man event, or borrow or?…so there are a few major kinks in the plan, but I’m still holding out that something will fall into place and The Burn will be on. Am I crazy? Probably, but there’s only one way to find out for sure.

Honestly? If it doesn’t happen this year (notice how I’m setting the stage to go at least once in my lifetime) I’m pretty excited that I was able to recognize that  it was my past thoughts that were getting in the way of participating in today’s life, and I’m just not willing to let that happen anymore. 

What's So Good About Introversion?

 If you’re an introvert you may ask yourself this question from time to time—especially if you spend a lot of time dealing with extroverts. You may encounter your fair share of criticism through no fault of your own. You might even feel so opposite from what our society typically regards as the norm, that you sometimes wonder if who you are and what you have to offer has much value…but the truth is, the world could not function well without your unique personality traits.

So to answer the question: ‘What’s so good about introversion?’ here’s a quick list of what makes you so valuable at work, at play and in relationships.

Introverts are:

      Analytical—you excel in complex thinking and problem solving

            Creative—you are the thought leaders in out-of-the-box thinking

            Focused—you have a strong ability to concentrate on the task at hand

            Highly Independent—you work well alone (or in small groups)

            Self-Reflective—you enjoy thinking about your thoughts

            Deep Thinker—you would rather know a lot about a few things than a little about a lot of things.

            Highly Curious—the world fascinates you; nothing escapes your interest

            Sincere and Trustworthy Friend—you maintain long-term relationships

            Self-Contained—you prefer to find your own solutions and often do not share your thoughts until    

            you’ve worked the answer out.

These are some pretty strong positive traits that few could argue with. So why is it that an introvert is sometimes not given credit where credit is due? Often it is because our inner world is so rich and entertaining to us that we don’t operate at the same speed as our extroverted counterparts. Our preference to think before speaking tends to leave us behind in many group conversations so our voices are not always heard. Our avoidance of social situations makes us seem antisocial rather than simply private and reserved. The truth is most introverts I know would rather spend time with a good friend or a good book than spend time in a large social scene; not because they dislike people, but because they prefer small, cozy environments.

If you’re an introvert, it is a good idea to keep these unique qualities close at hand and even post them in a prominent spot to help you embrace your positive side.  This will, in turn, help keep you balanced as you navigate your world. One great thing to realize is that many extroverts who give you negative feedback about your innate personality traits won’t focus on you for long, and will leave you to get back to your rich, inner world where you excel.

Sausalito

“All aboard”. I love boat rides of any sort. I especially love ferry rides; it takes me back to the excitement of my childhood taking the car-ferry to Coronado Island in San Diego. Driving a car onto a boat just seemed magical to me. I’ve been trying-on public transportation wherever I go this year, so I wanted to take the ferry over to Sausalito just for the experience of it.

The most difficult part of the trip was getting through the farmer’s market laid out at the Ferry Building. Wow, it’s a huge one…on both sides of the Embarcadero. There were lines to get near the booths to simply see what was available. I was short on time so I didn’t really see much of what the market had to offer, but I vowed to go back one day soon and explore.

The ferry was big and comfortable – smooth and relaxing with a tinge of the exotic - or maybe it was just my overactive imagination. We crossed the bay quickly and approached the harbor. The homes that were precariously perched on their hillsides loomed over us as we disembarked. All us ferry-people converged on the quaint yet upscale town and I had to wonder if perhaps events and staffing were geared around what time the ferrys leave and arrive. But no, I decided, the town had a pulse all its own.  The ferry was likely a small part of their routines.

We beat the lunch crowds and had a great meal on the water. Surprise, surprise I had oysters…Blue Points to be precise, along with a great sandwich of succulent bay shrimp. Even though I live in a harbor town myself, I relish experiencing other ones too … Sausalito did not disappoint. I roamed the streets, took steep trails that led off the beaten path and found breath taking views and a place to sit and have a moment of contemplation.

We only stayed in town for a few hours since we had a Giants game to go to…Pac Bell park is still one of my all time favorites (I know it’s called ATT now, but it will always be Pac Bell to me). It was Tim Lincecum bobble head day…Whoo hoo, just what I needed to go with my Barry Bonds bobble head. “Heck yeah I’d stand in line!!” Oops, did I say that?  The gates opened at 4:05 – we headed down the Embarcadero around 2:30. Oh. My. God. Was that the line? We hadn’t even made it to the bay Bridge yet, and we were dead stopped…by the time they opened the gates the line had made its way back to the ferry building and perhaps beyond. Were we nuts? There was only 20,000 bobble heads to hand out to a sold out stadium. Wow, from a relaxing day of adventure to a stalled moment of anxiety. . . “Do you think there’ll be any left by the time we get to the turnstile?”

So here’s the good news: we had a great time chatting and joking with our line mates…the couple ahead of us were from New York (the Giants were playing the Mets), the couple behind us from Berkeley…yeah, we had fun and we began to let go of the urgent need to possess that bobble head (it really was poorly done anyway). But yes, I got mine as did many others who entered the gates an hour later (without a line, I might add)…hmmm was the standing in line for naught? Nope, I got to meet some fun people, to laugh and trade stories and enjoy the sun that greeted us as we walked into the park….Go Giants (Yes, we won).

My take-away for the weekend was that I’ve discovered that I don’t mind hordes of people…it’s kind of exciting being surrounded by so many different individuals and their unique energies. Yes, much of the day was hurry-up-and-wait, but it didn’t really impact the enjoyment of being in San Francisco. I spent time on a boat, eating my favorite foods, meeting new people, watching a great Giants game and in general soaking up the vibes of the city. San Francisco is tiny…it’s packed….it’s full of life and it beats to a rhythm of its own drum. It’s like no other city I’ve been in. It does life on its terms and that’s always appealing. 

C'est la Vie

 It all began with a Friday night soiree at the de Young in San Francisco. I was off to a cultural event: The Birth of Impressionism - Masterpieces from the Musee d’Orsay and to step into a bit of French culture at the same time.  Renoir, Monet and Manet captivated those in their presence, plus a smattering of Degas, Pizzaro and Cezanne that delighted the viewers. Judging from the hush and thoughtful reserve, it seemed that everyone had a sense that they were in the presence of something important. There were no photos allowed in the exhibit and all cell phones were banned as well. The room was exceedingly quiet for so many people crowded into a relatively small space. I had to keep reminding myself that the famous works of art before me were the ‘real deal’; not just good imitations…and I didn’t even have to cross time zones to see it!

Dinner was next at the café. It was a Prix Fixe menu that had a hint of Paris…just a hint. The names of the dishes were more French than the taste, but it was served with style and attention to detail considering it was essentially a cafeteria where you placed your order and received a number for your table…then prayed to any Parisian God that a table would open up - and there was one overlooking the magical grounds outside complete with children in ballet costumes running and playing a game of jeu du loup (yes, even children’s games of tag had a French influence that night). I have eaten at the café before, so I knew their limitations…but they exceeded my expectations and I found the dinner delivered a culinary adventure … most probably because of the good mood in the air rather than the good food, but the evening hadn’t disappointed so far.

After dinner we strolled around Wilsey Court and listened to the lively music of Dginn - a band with the unique flavors of French-Gypsy-funk with a twist…spirited, toe-tapping goodness delighting everyone. The songs were sang in French and the energy of the band and audience alike was high which certainly added to the good vibes of the night.  A nice deep feeling of pleasure washed over me – I had witnessed genius, I explored new foods and, being the quintessential people watcher, I found the night perfectly evened out as I stood on the periphery of the crowd and just drank in the sights of people enjoying themselves. C’est la vie as the French say: Such is life!!