Burning Man

A few weeks ago a friend of mine began talking about Burning Man. It looked like this was finally going to be his year to go.  I was happy for him in a detached sort of way – everybody should get to choose their adventures in life.

Yet, every time he talked about it I found myself putting up mental barriers – it all just seemed too much to me. Too much noise, too much proximity to revelers that were having too much fun, too much spontaneity, too much togetherness, too much dust, just too, too much. 

Imagining his adventure was triggering memories of other times that were also too much for me: Cinco de Mayo in Ensenada decades ago – oh boy was that too much, Love-ins and Concerts in the Park that had way too much disorder, too much lose-cannon mentality, and too much authority trying to contain it.

When I heard the words Burning Man, I felt the discomfort of those events from long ago. Then I realized that was then and this is now. I had lots of social ‘issues’ back then that I hadn’t yet come to terms with. I’m still an introvert, but damn it, I’m an Adventurous Introvert!

I wasn’t invited along so I didn’t have to invest serious time deciding, but I was disturbed by my initial reaction to this event. There was Burning Man and there was my protective ‘wall’ – I could literally feel it in my body.  I’ve grown enough to know that I don’t want to base what I choose today on habits and behaviors of yesterday.

My gut level, negative reaction to Burning Man didn’t sit right with me, so I spent some time thinking about it from today’s perspective. I did my list of pros and cons. Well, actually I just did my list of pros and found that knot of excitement slowing uncoiling and coming to life.  I did my obligatory Google search and was trapped for a few hours discovering all that it is…and it is pure adventure. Geez, I went from never-ever considering it, to trying to happy for my friend, to all of a sudden craving the adventure too. I exhaust myself some times (happily said with a smile).

And here’s the interesting part. It now looks like I might go…there’s only three weeks before it starts and I need to find a camper or RV to rent at a price that isn’t tripled for the week of the Burning Man event, or borrow or?…so there are a few major kinks in the plan, but I’m still holding out that something will fall into place and The Burn will be on. Am I crazy? Probably, but there’s only one way to find out for sure.

Honestly? If it doesn’t happen this year (notice how I’m setting the stage to go at least once in my lifetime) I’m pretty excited that I was able to recognize that  it was my past thoughts that were getting in the way of participating in today’s life, and I’m just not willing to let that happen anymore.