Til Vacation Do Us Part?

Introversion and extroversion are personality traits. They are pretty much what we are born with and cannot be significantly changed. Extremes of both traits are virtually complete opposites. Since your inherent needs are so vastly different, can you, the introvert, hope to successfully vacation with an extrovert?

Yes, and no. There are so many variables at play, but the bottom line is this: it depends on your expectations. If you are dreaming of days lounging on the beach with your greatest exertion being to lift a finger and signal for another Mai Tai, and your partner’s is to explore the mysteries of the island leaving no stone unturned then you might be headed for a vacation meltdown.

There are strategies that can help with this however. Just putting your expectations out on the table before the reservations are even booked is a big step. Understanding your own personal limitations is another. That is probably more difficult for those of us who like to pretend we don’t have any limitations…but that’s a story for another day.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. I love watching sports on TV—not all, but most—however I rarely plan my day around them. A friend and I went on a long weekend skiing holiday. We’d done this before, so I pretty much knew what to expect…or so I thought. What I didn’t realize is that he was a college football fan. I’m not, so it didn’t dawn on me that he was. It turns out that we scheduled our ski weekend during some sort of college championship (forgive me for not knowing the major events of college football). To my horror, he couldn’t be budged from the TV after a day of skiing. That meant no strolling through the fantasy lit streets of the romantic ski village. No eating at new and intriguing restaurants, and no night skiing. I was pissed. We fought like cats and dogs and neither one of us enjoyed our brief adventure.

Here’s how it could have happened though. Had I known what his priorities were, and had he known that I had no interest in them, we could have made compromises and alternate plans. As an introvert, I certainly have no trouble roaming a charming ski village on my own. I might have even compromised with a dinner at a sports bar. There were a multitude of things we could have done to each have it a little bit our way. But not knowing each other’s expectations, we were pretty much shot down before we even left the driveway.

How sad we didn’t know. How sad that we now look upon that adventure as the weekend from hell—sometimes shortened to The Weekend. Yes, we’re still friends; wiser, kinder, and more understanding. I still dislike college football, I just make sure not to go anywhere with him during the playoffs/championship unless I’m totally happy adventuring out on my own. Which, I must admit isn’t a bad way to go either. 


More vacation strategies can be found in my recent article "The Introvert's Survival Guide--Vacationing with an Extrovert"

Sometimes It’s Good to be Bad

Every once in a while I need a break from being me. I always have my very carefully scripted To-Do list that I follow, as if the list is in charge of me. I’m very good when it comes to accomplishing things. But every once in a while I want to be bad; to NOT do what I’m supposed to and just go where spirit takes me. Spirit’s been whispering in my ear a lot lately.

The energy of the full moon sang to me last night, and I listened. I put aside what I was working on and heeded the call to connect with the moon’s spirit. What did I do? I went out, rain and all, and found my secret garden. I sat there enveloped in the chilly night air and let the rain cleanse me of all the ‘busy’ energy that I have been acquiring. Last night I was free of plans and action. Last night I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to… I was laughing in the rain, and it was good.

My Succulent Garden

My favorite words lately are ones like juicy, wild, succulent, voluptuous, and adventurous. What rich images these words bring to mind—almost primal. One can easily imagine themselves fully immersed in life upon hearing these words.

If I were using them to describe food your mouth would be watering right now wouldn’t it? But what if I use these words to describe life? Sounds exciting, yes? Until recently I was always just a bit reserved using them because they seem larger than life; they seem outward and fully immersed and smack-dab in the thick of things. That doesn’t seem very introverted does it? So I wonder, is a wild, juicy, and succulent life not possible for the introvert? Hardly. It’s not about what you do, or what others see, but all about your attitude toward life.

I grew up on the beach. I have full, rich memories of spending every summer day in the sand taunting the waves, side-stepping the rotting sea weed and collecting the abandoned sand crab shells. Still, in my mind, I can run with wild abandon and jump through the foamy water’s edge. I can scramble across jetties and laugh with the seagulls for I have the ability to take my thoughts just a bit deeper each time I remember. If that isn’t juicy and wild I don’t know what is.

I may not show my deep, voluptuous side to the world at large, but it’s there in moments of rich thought that seeps into every cell of my body. My wild and juicy moments give life to creative endeavors, and adventurous spirit. Succulent? Well, I have that too in my wonderful garden filled with them! 

Live Deeply and Richly

Most of us spend too much time on the surface of life.  We tell ourselves we don’t have enough time to go deeply, or we’re too confused and don’t know the answers, or simply that it’s too much to deal with. Mostly, though, I think it’s about not knowing how to deal with our feelings. But here’s the trouble with that: our life becomes flat and dull. We miss out on all the richness of living deeply. Sure, sometimes that richness is cloaked in pain and heartache, but living deeply is where the juiciness is. It’s where the lusciousness of our everyday lives is.

A friend of mine shared with me about a very scary health issue she recently dealt with. How in the world, I wondered, does one cope with something like that; one day you’re ‘you’ and the next day you’re thrown into the abyss of darkness and fear? She said that from that point on, she knew that everything about her life had to shift. She learned to let go of all that wasn’t essential to her, and bring to her all that was.

She told me how she learned to go deep into the pain and fear and embrace it. Embrace it, she clarified, not wallow in it. Wallowing brings on a ‘poor me/why me’ mentality, while embracing takes one into the richness of the experience. As she described how she embraced her journey into the unknown, I felt the hair on my arms prickle (that’s when I know I am hearing something important—go figure). I began to realize that she was able to live fully and richly not in spite of her condition, or because of her condition, but simultaneously alongside of her condition.

Few of us have been spared some sort of gut wrenching heartbreak in our life. Most of us look back and recognize the beauty we were able to eke out of that experience. That’s the embrace that I’m referring to. Learning to live deeply in the now will give you the richness right now, not later.

Living deeply and richly does not protect you from pain, or illness, or loss; but it does seem to protect you from fear. Sometimes stuff happens. Accepting what you’re given is more about attitude that anything else. You can choose to run and hide from life and live a flat existence, or you can embrace all that you’re given—the good the bad and the ugly—and live fully and deeply. Quiet those ‘yeah buts’ in your mind and breathe in all the richness that life is offering you right now. It’s your choice, it’s your life; how will you live it? 

Solitude’s Slippery Slope

When is solitude energizing and when is it isolating? Introverts enjoy and need a lot of solitude, yet it can be easy to slip into isolation if not careful. It’s almost as if there’s a fine line that gets crossed, and once the isolation starts it can be just as draining as not enough alone time.

Just as the extrovert can flame-out with too much activity, introverts can flame-out with not enough…don’t let isolation lead you down that slippery slope. Stay in tune with your energy reserves and preserve your balance, for this is how you will keep your energy flowing inward—right where the introvert needs it.

How will you stay in balance? Breathing. Take a moment several times a day to stop and do a ‘check in’. Notice if your body is feeling any tension or fatigue and just put your focus there for a moment as you take a few deep, cleansing breaths and let the tension go with your exhale. Next, consciously choose your thoughts--are they in alignment with your goals and desires?Very simple actions that realign your body and mind in harmony…it’s not magic, it’s habit. You create a habit the same way you break a habit…consciously and with practice.

“I Breathe in positive, purifying energy. . . I release stress and tension as I breathe out”

"I choose my thoughts carefully to be in alignment with who I am and what I want in life."

Simple Techniques, Powerful Results, Lifelong Journey.

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

This week I’ve been very irritated with the way the world interprets introversion. As if it’s something that needs to be changed, or fixed, or overcome. BALDERDASH! I am not broken, I do not need to be fixed…there are plenty of things about myself to overcome but, introversion isn’t one of them.

The real question is: Why do I care? Why am I letting the thoughts and opinions of others get to me? If I were really at peace with my introverted personality traits, the opinions of others would roll off my back, right?

This week they haven’t. This week I have less tolerance for others. So I have to ask myself, what is it about ME that their opinion brings up? You see, it’s never about ‘them’…it’s always about my stuff. Not in an egotistical sort of way, but in a mirror sort of way. What I see in others is what I see in myself. Mirror, mirror on the wall…