Thought Jam

I’m sitting here staring at the blank page trying unsuccessfully to remember that great opening line that popped into my head during the long trip back from Coney Island to Westchester. It eludes me at the moment because there is so much packed into my recent memories that I can hardly remember what I did 2 days ago. Thought Jam.

I’m a bit rusty at being able to go non-stop…it really is something that you work up to isn’t it?  Little by little we add each small thing to our proverbial plates until one day we discover that there’s no more room left. I’ve been pleasantly surprised this last week to find that 1) the amount of activity on this trip feels like a lot, and 2) I can still manage most of it with joy and enthusiasm (sore feet and high humidity not-withstanding).

I used to be able to multitask with the best of them. In fact, my M.O. was to always have too much going on. It was probably a defensive tactic to help me avoid what I was supposed to be dealing with, but I was one of those busy, productive, go, go, go types that never said no.  Until the right set of circumstances aligned in my life, and I just simply said ‘enough…I’m done.’

I walked away from everything and started over with no plans except to follow my own instincts (affectionately known as my gut). With so much emptiness, I’ve really taken my time to add anything back into my life. While it’s easier to mindlessly accept what life hands you (especially when you’re overwhelmed with busyness), it’s infinitely more difficult to let go once you’ve held it. Simplicity demands space, so I notice, I feel, I experience and I release. Living simple and as free as possible, I’m not locked in to one lifestyle so I can enjoy several.

This trip to New York has really allowed me to acknowledge just how well I’ve created a balanced life. I’m busy here. Busier than I usually am but it feels so perfect—something to embrace rather than avoid.  Who knew that if I just opened up space I could experience more without having to hang on to it? Less really is more.

Hooray for me: I’ve scaled down so much that I crave excitement rather than crave solitude and serenity. That’s a perfect switch for me. That is just one of the many things I am grateful for. 

Summer Time and the Livin' is Easy

Little snippets of big fun have been a blast—a few hours here and there of excitement mixed with down time for writing, visiting or walking; an introvert’s dream vacation. Lots to do and experience, but it isn’t non-stop and exhausting.

Went sailing yesterday…God how I love the wind in my face, racing across the water boat keeling slightly as we picked up wind in our sails. If you know anything about me and water, you know I was in heaven….but it got better than that because on the distance I could see the skyline of Manhattan—that gave me an incredible rush. I’m always so blown away by how prominent the city is and how close all-things-natural are. It really is the best of both worlds here.

There is little more exciting than being invited into someone’s home for an evening of fun. Local color took on new meaning at Zarela Martinez’ home. There was an array of Mexican folk art everywhere you look—even the hidden mural at the back of the garden captivated ones imagination.

The night was a fund raiser for the Food Is Art movement that Zarela is part of and she sponsored the magnificent cooking of Susana Trilling of Oaxaca. Such an array of taste delights as each new botana (snack) came out of the kitchen.

As I mingled with the guests we swapped stories of our respective hometowns—most were from the East coast, but several were from Mexico and of course, there was me, the lone Californian. I met several guests that have visited my beloved Central Coast, so we chatted eagerly about the beauty of the area and the raw magnificence of the Pacific Ocean. Wild West is a befitting title for this area of the coast.

Playland Park is a touristy place filled with history and adventure where one can feel the presence of a time long ago. The boardwalks are rotting into huge splinters that threaten to slice open bare feet. The beaches are segregated into expensive beach and poor beach—I couldn’t see much difference in the people or the quality of the area, but one is definitely more pricey than the other. Coming from California, the idea of paying to find one’s place in the sun seems foreign but I’m told it pretty much a given in this area…. And there was the nations oldest amusement park complete with roller coasters and midways to spend ones money and dream of winning the big prize.

There are swans everywhere you look—again common-place for the Rye folk, but a visual surprise for me. This guy was swimming around with his foot angled over his back that convinced me it was damaged…I felt so sorry for the beautiful bird as he drifted and bobbed in the water. A Canadian Goose came along and goosed him which brought the swan standing on the rocks with both feet (faker) flapping his wings to re-establish his place in his little micro habitat.

I’ve found that mixing the excitement of the city with the serenity of nature is giving me a blend of adventure with enough downtime that I am completely ready for the next exciting thing to do…this afternoon will be spent in Toloache’s (251 W 50^th Street) as we watch the world cup and root for Mexico…can you imagine how the place will explode if Mexico wins? 

Nada Bartender

Touch Nightclub, NYC, was packed with people sipping spirits at the Indy Spirits Show, a once a year New York event filled with small independent distillers showing off their wares. My friend asked me to help out with a new brand, and what’s not to like about being part of something like that? When I’m in New York I have this magical ‘try anything’ attitude so I jumped in without hesitating. For just one night I was to become the 'brand ambassador' of a new Vodka called Nada Red.

I was charged with mixing the Nada Berry Red cocktail developed by Barbara Sweetman of Scorpion Mezcal fame.. A squirt of this, a dash of that, add some agave syrup a shot of pomegranate juice and a few measures of Nada Red Vodka ~ shaken, not stirred, and you have a drink that was getting raves and disappearing from the tray faster than I could make them. I’m not a bartender even after countless shakers full, but I loved every minute of the night.

Dressed as a Comrade (loved my hat), my attire drew as many questions as my drink. Reminiscent of USSR’s old hammer and sickle, the new logo sported a hammer and red star. That’s because it’s a California distilled vodka…and organic, to boot, and its smooth taste not-with-standing, the real star of the night was the philosophy behind the brand.

Nada Red Vodka donates their proceeds to underdeveloped countries that are committed to embracing freedom. They provide funds for various institutions that focus on the needs of their children.  It seems like a way for this American company to give back to the roots of vodka.

Set in the glitz of New York City, pulsating with lively music flowing through three stories of nightclub, the Nada Red Vodka was at home, as I was. We are both Southern California ladies, we are both smooth and appealing in our own way, and we are both committed to providing a better life for the children of the world. It was a good night.

*The following information was pulled straight from their website @nadared.com

The mission of nadared organization is to provide direct humanitarian aid to people in the oppressive political regions in the world. Through the profits of nadared vodka we support orphanages and freedom rights institutions in “Red” Countries by providing financial and material help directly to the ones who need it, without third party involvement.

Due to a safety of institutions and people who cooperate with nadared international we don’t disclose their names and addresses.

Next Stop: New York

Today is an overcast Summer Solstice day but it’s also ‘push day’ for me….finishing up all the loose ends to have the house ready for out-of-town friends to hang out at my place for two weeks. I’m so lucky to live in a place that people want to vacation at…it wasn’t hard to find someone who would come to stay and watch my precious Isaac and enjoy the spectacular view for a couple of weeks. . . It’s a win-win for all of us!!

Next stop New York. Stay Tuned for pictures and stories as I explore the culinary/visual/historical delights of the East coast…along with my dear friends—who could ask for more?

Cleaning Up the Mind: by guest poet Bob Luckin

Gave up fat thoughts

Some skinny ones 

Hand me down thoughts 

Thoughts with sharp edges 

Gave up worried thoughts

Fear-full thoughts

Late night thoughts

Deep fried thoughts of shame and failure

Circular thoughts that rob me of sleep

Thoughts that make no daylight sense 

Gave up defensive thoughts

Thoughts of war and thoughts of gore

Thoughts of getting even 

Victory thoughts making other people losers 

I gave up a belief that all beliefs are permanent

Cleared out black and white thinking

Made room for sparkling dreams in color

Found a small dirty bag of fear and loathing 

Don’t know where it came from

Turned it into compost 

Dumped an old box of prejudice 

Never did have a use for it 

Gave up some indifference

Thought twice about ambivalence

Found some unused courage

Created a space to laugh and cry

Micro-waved a pound of half-baked ideas

Sold another pound on E-Bay 

Turned in beliefs that didn’t belong to me 

Gave away thoughts designed to make me look good

Made a lot more room for love

The work goes on

Still cleaning up the mind

Thank you Bob, for this humorous yet powerful reminder of what we hang on to and what we need to let go of. For more about Bob Luckin, see him on Facebook


Note to all: PRINT THIS PAGE, HIGHLIGHT A THOUGHT EACH DAY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET RID OF. You can, you know....it's all about letting go.

Alive With All That Life Gives Me

My friend Carla Blazek wrote a blog post about feeling vibrant. I won’t go into her details, but you can (and should) read it at your leisure here. As with all good writing, the author’s words take on unique meanings for each reader, and can spark thoughts into a different territory altogether. Carla’s post led me to travel a curious path between what feels like realism and faith, seemingly contradictory viewpoints, but my journey has led me to believe that I can have both.

My faith in my dreams is never ending, but sometimes it wavers due to the circumstances of life.  If I took my less than strong conviction and believed them to be reality, I would throw in the towel on some days…but I don’t. I have faith that the feelings of doubt and insecurities will pass and I will get back on track to working my true dream…the life that gives me purpose and passion. It’s not about the destination, but it’s all about the journey.

But Carla addressed the issue of vibrancy which made me wonder how often I feel vibrant, and how important is that feeling to me? And I do feel vibrant….just not with any consistency. Alive? Always, but being alive doesn’t mean being vibrant. I cannot fathom feeling vibrant all the time…good Lord it seems exhausting if I really think about it. I would rather have those glorious peaks of vibrancy to carry me through what will likely be a complex journey into the world of Zan. That’s my special place and sometimes I am so tickled by who I am I just bubble over with vibrancy…but other times I am deep in thought as I sort through all the twists and turns my mind takes.

I may not be vibrant all the time, but I am alive with passion for my journey. This is likely a matter of semantics, but I feel there is a difference between being alive with all that life has to give and being vibrant. One feels all-encompassing and the other feels transient. I truly feel alive even at my lowest points, and this is what I value. Taking all that life gives me, creating what I can from it, and staying in the now—where-ever that may be. That’s life on my terms.

Adventurous, Spontaneous Impulses

My sense of adventure can be rather simple. Some days I desire to act on spontaneous impulses more than planned, elaborate adventures. This weekend was filled with spontaneous joys.

I visited a glorious garden at Heart’s Ease in Cambria, CA that was small in size, but big on surprise. There were nooks and crannies at every turn beckoning visitors further into a world of abundant color and heady aromas. This was a place that truly inspired one to stop and smell the roses, and how often do we really do that in our busy days?

I originally went there to scout out a possible location for a photo shoot to spruce up my website, and I wasn’t disappointed. I had a good time trying out the different spots in the garden that said ‘sit awhile and enjoy the day’. Inspired by spontaneity, I also snuck under over-grown parts of the garden to explore the way-back areas up close. There’s nothing that says adventure like forging a path to the unexplored (no, I didn’t harm any plants along the way).

And the adventurous spirit wasn’t done there. We headed back home and made another adventurous stop at Giovanni’s Fish Market. What to choose from their wonderful array of fresh catch? Shellfish seemed to call to me all weekend: shrimp, bay scallops, oysters…and oh, let me tell you about the oysters!! As we were leaving the market excited about the meal to come, we passed a young man grilling oysters for sale, complete with a variety of intriguing sauces. Had I been in a less adventurous mood I might have passed this by, and, in fact, we were 10 steps away when we realized that now was the time to try them… not later, not someday, but now.

Oh My God! What a taste delight. The oysters were done to perfection, the sauces added a spicy kick and the liquor remaining in the shell was to die for. And to think, I almost passed this up!

This weekend was a joy for me; totally free-spirited and unplanned ~ truly spontaneous. Yes, soon I will be exploring the delights of New York and other Eastern seaboard areas, and next year I plan to zip line in Costa Rica, but for my everyday life right now, spontaneity is the spirit in my heart that lets me know that I am participating in life, not just going thorough the motions.

To Abby Sunderland ~ Wild Eyes

There are no guarantees in life. Safety is an illusion, and sometimes you have to do the impossible to begin living.

Abby Sunderland showed the world a miracle. Not that she survived, not that our prayers reached her, not that a 16 year old girl can tackle a daunting challenge alone. No, the miracle Abby showed us is that preparation counts for a lot, but letting go is everything. Abby and her family learned how to let go of fear and do it anyway. They prepared in everyway conceivable to mitigate the danger, but they supported her dreams.

I know a bit about fear and dreams. I’ve worked with kids who are so balled up inside that their fear drives their choices. Some of those kids turn to drugs and alcohol and a variety of risky behaviors. I myself wasn’t able to get out of my own fear for decades before I committed to letting go of fear and begin living my dreams.

If we let go of our dreams and hang on to fear, we die a slow, painful death--we may be physically safe, although I doubt that too, but we are mentally dying every single, painful day. But maybe, if we let go of fear and hang on to our dreams instead we will survive to have another dream. The choice is ultimately ours.

As a parent I cannot fathom losing a child.  I put myself in Abby’s parents place: would I, could I support my child to attempt such a dangerous thing? I’d like to think that I would have the courage to let him go…to accept that losing his life while living his dream would be far better than watching him turn away from living because of fear. Some of us will lose our children...what solace will we have if we cannot tell ourselves that they were living the life of their dreams? No, there are no guarantees in life--only the belief that we must follow our own North star and live life in accordance to what works for us. 

We’re not all cut out to be so spectacularly brave, but we are each cut out to find and live our dreams to our best ability. Hooray for Abby for discovering this so young. Hooray for her parents for knowing that this is something she had to do, and that to deny her was to harm her. Courage does not mean the absence of fear. Courage means feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

The Stand-up Bass and the Soul

There are certain sounds that go deep into a place inside of me that I can’t even describe, but it’s good. It’s very, very good. Hearing a bluesy saxophone often does that to me, and last night I found out that the stand up bass guitar can do that as well. The player was adept at many instruments as he went through his repertoire of songs, but something changed dramatically when he picked up his stand-up bass. He came to life as he played. I felt sorry for any woman in his life, because it was so obvious that this instrument was his true love and we, the audience was privy to this most intimate dance and love affair.

            It was almost primal, certainly passionate and probably adept, but what I heard last night went beyond skill. The player and the instrument drew me in, cradled me in passion while strumming a connection with my soul.    

            Everything changes when skill transcends into passion. The player becomes one with the instrument and the listener’s soul becomes part of the ménage a trois; souls dancing together on the notes, oblivious to anything but the rhythm of the strings and the sensuousness of the vibration of the melody.

Self Indulgence or Self Growth?

I’m a fixer and a doer. I’ve been in some sort of a coach/counselor position all my life.  People come to me for answers; I help people. Tell me you have a problem and I’m way ahead of you, formulating a question. No, I don’t do things for people; instead, I help them find their own truth. That’s my job, that’s what I do…it’s a story that all begins with you.

But this has to stop. I don’t want to focus on you anymore…I want to focus on me. I want to tell you my story, for my own personal reasons. Not for your personal growth, but for mine. I need to be open and honest with myself and others and this leg of my journey is now all about me.

The ultimate truth is I have no answers for you. Hell, I hardly have answers for me; questions seem far more salient right now. There are important things that I know. I just haven’t put them to words yet, and this is taking far more energy than I first realized would happen. It has been both wondrous and exhausting exploring my inner works.  

I have turned my trained ear toward myself and I’m listening, really listening to what I have to say. Then I’m asking more questions and listening again. I am my client, and I’m working very hard for me. It’s as it should be.

That doesn’t mean I have nothing for you. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish all the best for you. That doesn’t mean I won’t reach out and lend a helping hand now and then…it means I need to be here for myself first. I cannot give what I don’t have, and I don’t have the answers…only questions; but here’s an interesting outcome that’s been developing from this inner journey of mine— my story is resonating with some of you and, you too, have begun to focus on your own inner world. You are beginning to ask yourself important questions and delve deeper into the story that is you…and, yes, you are even beginning to rewrite your story.

You are the only one with the answers for you…no one can give them to you, but someone else’s words just might open a new door just a crack for you to see that there is a light shining inside of a wonderful place you have never been before and you realize it’s time to go there. 

Simplicity at Work

I’m tired, I have a headache and a sore throat, I’m behind schedule, I’ve let some friends down, my car is in the shop getting emergency repairs and will take 4 figures to get it out…. I find myself just staring out the window in a daze.

Then I switched things around and thought about all the things that are going right in my reality and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Sometimes it’s just that simple.

Embracing the Positive Side of Introversion

Introversion is not a disease to be cured. Rather, it is a personality trait with many positive qualities to it. Yet many introverts in our extroverted society feel at odds with their innate nature. They have come to believe that they are less-than, and not good enough because they do not fit comfortably into the norms of society. With a little understanding and nurturing, however, most introverts can embrace the many positive qualities they were born with. Qualities such as creativity, problem solving, and leadership are what most introverts are born with and what makes them so integral to our world.

Creativity

Introverts use their brains differently than extroverts. Brain scans show that there is more activity in the introvert's frontal lobes-the area where problem solving and long-term memory retrieval take place-which suggests they are thinking deeply all the time. Albert Einstein is perhaps one of the most famous of all introverts. His ability to think creatively and outside the box provided the platform to fully use his genius. Introverts are stimulated by complex thoughts and excel in creative thinking and creative endeavors.

Problem Solving

Introverts are also the natural problem solvers of the world. They would rather grapple with finding solutions to complex problems than spend time at a social event. While they may seem too deep or introspective to their extroverted counterparts, their ability to focus, and their natural desire to see every side of any given problem, helps them to be thought leaders in innovation.

Leadership

It's lonely at the top. Leadership is often a solitary pursuit. Solitude, of course, is something that introverts are very comfortable with. This, combined with an inner self-reliance that is not dependent on outside opinion, makes the introvert prime leadership material.

Introverts naturally think outside of the box to create, problem solve, and lead. For any introvert to feel less-than or that they don't fit in is a tragedy for they are the true thinkers of the world. Action without thought could dangerously approach chaos. Thought without action becomes stagnant. Even though the nation celebrates the extrovert's personality, it would be a sad day indeed to not celebrate and embrace the many strengths of the introvert.

(Reprint from an article first published on EzineArticles.com 

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Photo by Sean Hickin