Self Indulgence or Self Growth?

I’m a fixer and a doer. I’ve been in some sort of a coach/counselor position all my life.  People come to me for answers; I help people. Tell me you have a problem and I’m way ahead of you, formulating a question. No, I don’t do things for people; instead, I help them find their own truth. That’s my job, that’s what I do…it’s a story that all begins with you.

But this has to stop. I don’t want to focus on you anymore…I want to focus on me. I want to tell you my story, for my own personal reasons. Not for your personal growth, but for mine. I need to be open and honest with myself and others and this leg of my journey is now all about me.

The ultimate truth is I have no answers for you. Hell, I hardly have answers for me; questions seem far more salient right now. There are important things that I know. I just haven’t put them to words yet, and this is taking far more energy than I first realized would happen. It has been both wondrous and exhausting exploring my inner works.  

I have turned my trained ear toward myself and I’m listening, really listening to what I have to say. Then I’m asking more questions and listening again. I am my client, and I’m working very hard for me. It’s as it should be.

That doesn’t mean I have nothing for you. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish all the best for you. That doesn’t mean I won’t reach out and lend a helping hand now and then…it means I need to be here for myself first. I cannot give what I don’t have, and I don’t have the answers…only questions; but here’s an interesting outcome that’s been developing from this inner journey of mine— my story is resonating with some of you and, you too, have begun to focus on your own inner world. You are beginning to ask yourself important questions and delve deeper into the story that is you…and, yes, you are even beginning to rewrite your story.

You are the only one with the answers for you…no one can give them to you, but someone else’s words just might open a new door just a crack for you to see that there is a light shining inside of a wonderful place you have never been before and you realize it’s time to go there.