Saying No

Much of my life was spent saying ‘no’ to life. Sometimes it was the right thing to do, sometimes it was the convenient thing to, but always it was a choice made from fear.

I don’t know how I became so fearful, but I do know it became a habit—a lifestyle; a way of living; a way of pretending I was comfortable. “No” first, always. Then I learned to say “Maybe”.  Ah, I was getting closer, but not a lot more comfortable. You see, my instincts were still “no”, I had simply developed the skill to not act on my instincts.

You can imagine my joy when I recently realized that ‘no’ isn’t my first instinct anymore. Excitement is:  “What’s the adventure?”, “What’s the fun?”, “What’s the juiciness?” My desire to truly jump into life feet first without brakes, or carefully scripted plans is taking forefront to my style of living, and I like it!! 

I’m learning to be wild without being reckless; limitless without being disengaged; passionate without proscribed boundaries. I don’t want the calm side of the street. I want to walk on the wild side, I want to taste forbidden fruit, I want to fully immerse myself into the juiciness of the unknown.

Do I still have issues? Yep. Do I still have to navigate around unpleasant stuff? Yep again.  Am I still an introvert--quiet and reserved? Absolutely!!  But now, I seem to exquisitely relish the experience of my journey. Now I fully embrace what comes my way…the good, the bad, the ugly. Today I am living, I am free, and I am saying ‘yes’ to it all.