The Big Ah-Ha

While working on a chapter in my book I think I stumbled on a big ah-ha moment for me. I’ve always been puzzled by how drawn to I am to certain places…especially big, noisy, crowded places. The two that I long for most are New York and Rome. When I think of them I get homesick. I’ve never lived in either place, but I ache to go back.

I’m an introvert, right? I’m supposed to prefer the quiet serenity of small towns. I’m supposed to gravitate to cozy rather than chaos. And it’s true, I usually avoid crowds and noise, but today I realized that what I’ve really been avoiding is antipathy and meanness.

When I travel I get certain vibes from places. That gut feeling that tells me ‘stay awhile’, or ‘get gas and get out as fast as you can’. I think too many places in this world have no soul, or have become so hardened by the circumstances of their history that they have no heart left. These places exude mediocrity, antipathy and meanness. That is what I’m avoiding. The collective mindset that accepts that has shut down—it ceases to live and only exists—it’s traded its soul for survival.

When I’m in New York or Rome it’s precisely the frenetic energy that excites me. These places exude passion; passion for life, for art and yes, even for survival. Passion is heavy in the air, you can feel it caress you as you stand still on the corner, or bombard you as you enter the fray.

So today I realize I’ve been avoiding crowds because they aren’t the right crowds. I crave passion—that ability to fully embrace the moment and Feel  It  All—to hell with being safe.