Waste Not, Want Not

I’ve been writing a lot of articles lately. The syntax and grammar is quite different than how I compose my blog posts. I’m always a bit more formal and informational when I write articles about introversion. They are fun to research and bring together, and I’ve been getting great feedback, which is always nice (thank you, thank you), but I really miss putting my random thoughts down on paper (so to speak). My articles are for you dear reader, my blog is for me…but you’re always welcome along on my journey as I seek to define, refine, and embrace my Adventurous Introvert within.

Some days I get it just right, and other days I’m walking around with question marks floating above my head…seriously, I swear they’re visible at times. Today I’m blessed with inspiration and creativity. You know what they say, “waste not, want not”.

Trapped in an Introvert’s Body

I am an extravagant, flamboyant, passionate woman who is trapped inside an introvert’s body. This is not all bad. 

My natural inclination to think things through gives me just enough pause to usually save myself from nasty consequences. My innate reticence normally keeps my mouth in check as I prefer to hear my words first in my mind before uttering some poorly chosen phrase that I have to take back or explain.

But sometimes…just sometimes I long to throw caution to the wind. 
Photo:  Kevin N. Murphy

The Wounded Introvert

We all have wounds from childhood, some deeper and more life altering than others. Young, inexperienced minds do not have the ability to understand the adult world filled with subtleties and hidden meanings. This inability can easily lead to misinterpretation, faulty beliefs, limiting behaviors and emotional wounds that are carried into adulthood.

Misinterpretations

A child is unable to separate who they are from what they do. When told that they did a bad thing they might easily interpret the words to mean they are a bad person. Hearing that a cherished pet was 'put to sleep' can cause a life-long battle with insomnia. Adults, in an effort to help children grow strong and happy, often want the child to do things differently; "Don't be so shy" they admonish; "It's not healthy to spend so much time alone. Go outside and play" they insist.

All these words of encouragement can actually imply to the child that their innate nature is wrong. These seem like simple words but they are loaded with nuances that a child does not understand without further explanation. Growing up, there are numerous opportunities for a child to misinterpret what he sees and hears. Coupled with the inward, sensitive nature of introverts, such individuals are highly susceptible to lasting emotional wounds and scars.

Faulty Beliefs

We develop our belief systems by making sense of our world as we know it whether we have correct information or not. Introverts of all ages process thoughts deeply. Words are often taken literally, and if our mind doesn't have the mature vocabulary and life experiences to interpret the words correctly, we simply create our own form of reality which becomes a belief system about ourselves. An introvert's natural tendency to figure things out first, and talk second makes this situation even more dangerous to their emotional well-being as they are not likely to talk things through with an adult.

Limiting Behaviors

Not all introverts develop deep emotional wounds; however, those without the necessary support system are more likely to have deeper wounds and scars than most. These are the individuals that have created behaviors based on their misperceptions and inner wounds. Limiting behaviors such as shyness, social anxiety, and failure to try new things are not uncommon for wounded introverts.

As with any injury, the healing process depends on the depth of the wound and the scarring that has taken place over time. It is sometimes helpful to go back to the original injury and reprocess it from an adult perspective. There might be a forehead slapping 'ah-ha' moment when we realize that our behaviors stem from a single event in our childhood; but it's more likely that the single event has turned into a convoluted, spider-web effect on our behaviors. One thing leads to a certain belief, which leads to a particular behavior, which gives rise to another belief and behavior pattern until we are fully enmeshed in a world of behaviors that we neither like nor understand.

Emotional Wounds

Most of us have self concepts-self esteem-that developed in our childhood from misinformation and lack of understanding of the world as we knew it. Such faulty beliefs can create emotional wounds that stunt our ability to fully use our skills and talents as adults.

Behaviors are learned and can therefore be unlearned. If your belief system has created behaviors that are getting in the way of what you want in life, spend some time discovering where the behavior originated. It might be an involved process but well worth the journey once you're ready to let go and consciously create a new belief system-complete with behaviors-based on who you really are and the value you bring to this world.

(This is a reprint article from an article that first appeared on ezinearticles.com http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Wounded-Introvert&id=4308867 )

Remembering the Future

Sometimes you have to forget what you know, to remember who you are supposed to be. Why is it that the simplest concepts can be the hardest to attain? We all know intuitively what our higher good is, but we have become practiced at rationalizing it and morphing it through our intellect so that we don’t recognize it. 

Maybe it's time to forget what you know and just remember the future.

Real Love

True love begins with the self. If you love yourself unconditionally then the opinions of others will have no power over you. Their words cannot build you up or tear you down. That is the only time that you can, in turn, love others unconditionally. That is real love, pure and simple.

Choose Your Partners Carefully

I went to a Salsa Dancing lesson this weekend. I was already primed from my Mojito night on Tuesday, Cinco de Mayo Wednesday, followed by Paella night on Thursday….it was a very Latin week for me, so Salsa just made sense, si?

Here’s what I noticed. All of the students were trying really hard. Extreme concentration was apparent on our faces as we counted steps to get the rhythm down. As beginners, nothing came easy. We weren’t into the flow of it, and felt a bit like fish out of water. No big deal, we told ourselves, we were beginners. No one expected us to know what we were doing, and we were having fun anyway.  

Eventually some more experienced dancers showed up and I found that when they were my partners, my level was brought up…I felt a little more fluid and coordinated. When we switched partners, I was back to counting steps again—unsure of myself; not finding my rhythm.

And that’s when it hit me….Salsa dancing is just like life. Your level of comfort and ability depends on who you choose to ‘dance’ with. If you associate with people who are unsure or confused, you will probably feel that way too, and while misery loves company, it’s not the best way to grow.  Choose your partners well…make sure their playing level brings you higher, and stretches you. If you find you are a bit stagnant…go find some new partners to play with and see how you feel about life; see how you feel about yourself; see just how much more into the rhythm of life you are. 

Saying No

Much of my life was spent saying ‘no’ to life. Sometimes it was the right thing to do, sometimes it was the convenient thing to, but always it was a choice made from fear.

I don’t know how I became so fearful, but I do know it became a habit—a lifestyle; a way of living; a way of pretending I was comfortable. “No” first, always. Then I learned to say “Maybe”.  Ah, I was getting closer, but not a lot more comfortable. You see, my instincts were still “no”, I had simply developed the skill to not act on my instincts.

You can imagine my joy when I recently realized that ‘no’ isn’t my first instinct anymore. Excitement is:  “What’s the adventure?”, “What’s the fun?”, “What’s the juiciness?” My desire to truly jump into life feet first without brakes, or carefully scripted plans is taking forefront to my style of living, and I like it!! 

I’m learning to be wild without being reckless; limitless without being disengaged; passionate without proscribed boundaries. I don’t want the calm side of the street. I want to walk on the wild side, I want to taste forbidden fruit, I want to fully immerse myself into the juiciness of the unknown.

Do I still have issues? Yep. Do I still have to navigate around unpleasant stuff? Yep again.  Am I still an introvert--quiet and reserved? Absolutely!!  But now, I seem to exquisitely relish the experience of my journey. Now I fully embrace what comes my way…the good, the bad, the ugly. Today I am living, I am free, and I am saying ‘yes’ to it all.