The Anticipation Builds

This is my new logo for the week   )^(   I'm going to be a Burner....You can check out Burning Man for yourself.







It’s been a crazy few weeks getting ready to be gone for a while. In the past I’ve always been able to complete and transmit my writing projects while on the road, but that won’t be the case this time. Soon I will be out of range of all communication. No phone, no email, no outside world, no nuttin’. Just me, the desert and 50,000 other people. I’m going to Burning Man 2010.

Doesn’t sound like an introvert’s paradise does it?, but think about it. I am a people watcher to the nth degree, and what better place to watch people? People who are tapping into their inner spirit and embracing all that the week has to offer. Freedom to release and be who they want to be. We spend so much of our time moderating and taming our inner spirits that I look forward to being around others who come to let theirs soar.

I cannot believe that I am actually doing this. The Zan of yore would have run the opposite direction from this event, and today I am tingling with excitement. I’m not sure what to expect, I’ve heard every kind of story about Burning Man there is. My curiosity is on full speed ahead.

There will be plenty of people doing things that I have no interest in, but my excitement is in feeling the overall energy of the event. I’m an art junkie so I’m excited to see all the varieties and forms of art that will be displayed. Remember, this is a crowd of uber creative people; that in and of itself will be a joy to experience.

I’ve been told that it might reach over 100 degrees during the day. It might drop down to freezing at night. There could be sudden thunderstorms or dust storms with winds as high as 70 MPH…and truth be told, I’ve experienced all that in the Southern California desert as a young girl growing up. I remember so many weekends spent in the sand dunes with my father…I know about harsh, unexpected climates and I’m kind of excited to be back in it.

I’ve been told that there will be drugs and nudity and crazy behavior….well, I’ve seen that too, and I can walk away any time I choose to get some ‘space’, or find new energy that better suits me. In a group of 50,000 people I can expect to find anything and everything, and in a more heightened tempo. I relish this experience...who knows, maybe I'm just looking forward to not being the only odd duck in the pond.

I think the real challenge will be to keep my energy up. I do get exhausted from over stimulation, and this sounds like it could be total sensory overload. But I have learned a thing or two about being an introvert, and being able to find adventure wherever I go, and meet my own unique needs too. I have no fears or doubts.

I’ve been told that Burning Man will change you in ways you’ve never expected. I am ready…


You probably won't hear from me until I return...but I will be sharing my experience with you, I promise.

Truly Great Friends

I’m always so amazed at how people come in and out of my life. There is a saying that speaks of people coming to you for a reason, a season or a lifetime that really explains the flow quite nicely.

Being an introvert, I don’t make friends with ease, and once they are a friend, they remain so for life. But what exactly, defines friendship? That is where I have erred in the past. I have mistakenly let some people into my life as a ‘friend’, when in reality they were just there for a reason or a season; No less likeable or necessary to my happiness, but transient none-the-less.

When these people move out of your life it can hurt. But keeping them close to you at any cost would cause its own type of wound, so sometimes the most graceful thing we can do is to let them go.

I have new acquaintances appearing all the time and I love that about life. But I also have acquaintances disappearing too. I’ve had to learn that not everyone has a permanent place to stay in my heart forever. It’s these individuals that I have to cherish for being there for a reason – some a season, but never a lifetime. They have brought me a precious gift – even if it hurts.

I read somewhere that we are lucky to have three people to call true friends. I am blessed to have more than that. I am truly blessed with amazing friends and exciting acquaintances and I love them all for however long I can have them in my life.

The Sea and Me

It is sunny and clear this evening. A perfect time to sit on the balcony with my feet up, sipping my beloved Scorpion Mezcal and looking at the horizon filled with nothing and everything at the same time.

When I moved here I swore I would never, ever complain of fog...coming from 20 plus years of over 105 degree summer days I was ready for some cool, ocean breezes. Well, the fog can be a bit difficult to handle at times, but really, on a day like today all I can feel is peace and gratitude for the gift of  now and the gift of here....Cheers

Just Deal With It!

I can spend a lot of time wishing things were different, but that would necessitate me being different.

I rather like the way I am, so in the words of a dear friend "You're prickly yet loving; you're all out or you're shut down; that's the way you roll, just deal with it!"

Well said.

FINALLY ! !

I woke up yesterday morning with answers to a problem that I've been struggling with all year. I've had two books in me for a while. The one I think I should write and the one I want to write.

I can give a dozen reasons why I've divided my life into two books – and on one hand it makes perfect sense. But the reality is that I wasn't enjoying the writing process very much. My should book became my have to book. It wasn't coming together and it was boring the crap out of me (I can only imagine the yawn it would be to you, dear reader). I didn't dare work on my want to book for fear of neglecting my have to book...you can see the problem here.

What finally happened is that I woke up and 'saw' a way to combine both books. It's not in a conventional form, but so much of my life isn't conventional so there's nothing new there. I wrote for 5 hours with my fingers flying over the keyboard, and most importantly I was entertaining myself---what fun I had.

I was bringing parts of my should book into play with my want to book. I think it's going to work. I'm excited again about my writing. I woke up with happy anticipation instead of dread. I think I'm on to something and it feels like an adventure….stay tuned, this book is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's turning out to be the most fun too.

What Dance Floor are You Standing On?

"No one is able to enjoy such feast than the one who throws a party in his own mind." ~Selma Lagerlöf

The life of an introvert is very much about enjoying the party in your own mind. I am always creating complete and exciting scenarios…and I must say they are more entertaining than any of the parties that I usually attend. Nothing seems to stand up to the richness of my imagination.

What I miss the most when I venture outside of my thoughts is the depth, the richness and fullness that I have so carefully nurtured and coddled into existence. 

Inward or outward we all dance to the tune of our unique thoughts. So what matters most just might be the dance floor we are choosing to stand on.

Why Do We Do The Things We Do?

I woke up this morning finally rested from a full night’s sleep. The turmoil surrounding putting all the pieces together for Burning Man is taking a toll on my energy. However, it looks like a motor home is miraculously appearing and now it’s 95% sure The Burn is on.

Someone commented that it will be a great place to practice inner peace, which made me ask myself: “Wow, is that why I’m doing this? As some sort of a test?” I’m still working through this question because I think it’s an important one to understand – we all should know why we do the things we do.

I will tell you this. I spent so many years of my life afraid to participate. I said ‘no’ way too quickly and 'yes' not nearly often enough. If you’ve been reading me for a while you know that has been my biggest breakthrough – releasing my fears and becoming fully alive in my own skin.

Maybe Burning Man will be a proving ground for me – but I sense that there is something bigger at work. It’s been said by many that Burning Man changes you forever – That’s a pretty powerful lure for me…why do I do the things I do? Because I can. . . finally, I can!

Burning Man

A few weeks ago a friend of mine began talking about Burning Man. It looked like this was finally going to be his year to go.  I was happy for him in a detached sort of way – everybody should get to choose their adventures in life.

Yet, every time he talked about it I found myself putting up mental barriers – it all just seemed too much to me. Too much noise, too much proximity to revelers that were having too much fun, too much spontaneity, too much togetherness, too much dust, just too, too much. 

Imagining his adventure was triggering memories of other times that were also too much for me: Cinco de Mayo in Ensenada decades ago – oh boy was that too much, Love-ins and Concerts in the Park that had way too much disorder, too much lose-cannon mentality, and too much authority trying to contain it.

When I heard the words Burning Man, I felt the discomfort of those events from long ago. Then I realized that was then and this is now. I had lots of social ‘issues’ back then that I hadn’t yet come to terms with. I’m still an introvert, but damn it, I’m an Adventurous Introvert!

I wasn’t invited along so I didn’t have to invest serious time deciding, but I was disturbed by my initial reaction to this event. There was Burning Man and there was my protective ‘wall’ – I could literally feel it in my body.  I’ve grown enough to know that I don’t want to base what I choose today on habits and behaviors of yesterday.

My gut level, negative reaction to Burning Man didn’t sit right with me, so I spent some time thinking about it from today’s perspective. I did my list of pros and cons. Well, actually I just did my list of pros and found that knot of excitement slowing uncoiling and coming to life.  I did my obligatory Google search and was trapped for a few hours discovering all that it is…and it is pure adventure. Geez, I went from never-ever considering it, to trying to happy for my friend, to all of a sudden craving the adventure too. I exhaust myself some times (happily said with a smile).

And here’s the interesting part. It now looks like I might go…there’s only three weeks before it starts and I need to find a camper or RV to rent at a price that isn’t tripled for the week of the Burning Man event, or borrow or?…so there are a few major kinks in the plan, but I’m still holding out that something will fall into place and The Burn will be on. Am I crazy? Probably, but there’s only one way to find out for sure.

Honestly? If it doesn’t happen this year (notice how I’m setting the stage to go at least once in my lifetime) I’m pretty excited that I was able to recognize that  it was my past thoughts that were getting in the way of participating in today’s life, and I’m just not willing to let that happen anymore.