Isaac, the Purrfect Extrovert

Isaac gets a little grumpy when cooped up in the house for too long. He is a cat that knows no stranger and lives to explore. Most mornings I let him out for a few hours. My neighbors call him by name. They may not know me, but they sure know Isaac. Often he joins me part way on my morning walks; veering off into his own proscribed rounds several blocks from home.

On a cute little silver tag on his collar is his name and my phone number. I had to do this because he is always trying to follow someone home, (he especially loves trotting alongside anyone walking their dog), and I thought they should know that he has a home and someone who loves him very much. Sure enough I get one or two phone calls a week describing where he is and who he is hanging out with. Sometimes it’s another cat, but it can be a dog too. Usually, according to the messages, he walks into their home and takes over. Luckily he is so charming and handsome that he is considered grand entertainment by all.

But I digress. He is my extrovert. He is the epitome of extroversion. He is not only in the center of any activity, he the one wearing a lampshade on his head at a party. When I have friends over, he becomes supercharged with energy and can keep us entertained for hours. He becomes willful when kept inside for too long. Newness and adventure thrill him, and I suspect he could easily adopt whoever provides the greatest excitement du jour. This worries me because my house is usually pretty calm and quiet. Perhaps he’s going to get bored and abandon me for someone more lively.

We adopted each other at the cat shelter. I know why now, I was someone new and interesting. Someone he just had to have a closer look at. I, of course, thinking deeper than mere curiosity, thought that we were meant to be together, why else would he have made a beeline to me? Why indeed! And thus is the story of opposites attracting. Yes, I can live with an extrovert just fine, I just have to remember to kick him outside often enough. After all, I need my alone time too.

The Energizer Bunny

My senses were on full alert as I opened my eyes from a brief nap, eight hours into the road trip. It was two in the morning and it was still my friend's shift to drive. Traffic was light as I looked around to see what woke me up. Traveling south, we had just crested the Grapevine and were on the outskirts of Los Angeles—a city where the freeways are never still. But it wasn’t the traffic that woke me, there were no loud noises nearby, and my friend hadn’t spoken. Yet I could ‘feel’ it…energy coursing through my veins. Not just amped energy but excitement energy…anticipation energy. Energy that was strong enough to wake me from a sound sleep. It’s the same energetic rush I get from many cities. The streets of New York, San Francisco, and even Portland give me their personalized brand of an energetic rush. Each city feels different, but the rush is very much the same. It should be noted that I’m not very fond of L.A. as places to be, but the energy I was feeling was very enjoyable.

So I’m puzzled. Introverts get their energy from within, I know that. Too much stimulus (i.e. excitement) can deplete their reserves, I know that too. Yet here am I, an introvert to the max, getting high off of L. A.’s energy--a city that I don't even particularly enjoy. The phenomenon seems discordant…But the fact remains, in a city, my senses are flooded with energy. You can’t get much more external than that.

Now I realize that there must be a difference in the types of energies I am feeling. The external energy that a city gives off is palpable—it is probably what draws the masses to it. But does it reenergize the introvert? I’m not so sure. I still need my space, my cave, my alone time. Without it I begin to shut down and withdraw from doing anything. So the energy I get from a city shouldn’t be confused with the energy I get from within. They might feel the same initially, but they are very different animals.

Big cities, however, are the easiest places in the world to be alone. Where else can you be among a throng of people who don’t even acknowledge your existence? What better place to sit at a sidewalk café and people watch? Where else are the choices of things to do so vast? Where indeed?

Big cities are an attraction for me…it probably appeals to my adventurous side and has little to do with my introversion, but big cities play into who I am so exquisitely. Loving the energy rush yet staying within my cocoon. Alone, but not lonely. Getting the high a location has to offer, yet always going within to recharge and get ready for my next adventure.

Packard, Party of One

Eating out alone can be an unusual experience, and not always a pleasant one. I’ve talked to so many that have their strategies for getting through it. But mostly it’s a strategy for getting through it, not necessarily enjoying it. What’s an introvert to do? Here’s some of the advice I’ve gathered through the years:
• Bring a book—it’ll give you something to do and look at.
• Make lunch your main meal out to avoid the “I’m the only one here eating alone” stigma from the dinner
  crowd.
• Pretend you’re waiting for someone, but order while you’re waiting.
• Sit at the counter/bar.
• Eat before the dinner rush

I’m sure there are countless more, but what strikes me the most is what depths we go to disguise or lessen the stigma of eating alone. Some of these strategies have benefits for the introvert. We love to read, and we often prefer noncrowded places; but why have we become conditioned to apologize for our circumstances…as if we don’t deserve the nice table next to the window?

I know, a lot of it is economics, but I’ve found that if I eat a bit earlier that the typical rush hour, I can ask for the nice location without feeling guilty (and the guilt is purely for economic reasons). It should be noted that I usually eat early under normal (i.e. home) circumstances, so this isn’t a concession for someone like me.

But eating and enjoying the experience are two different things. One thing that I love to do is talk to the server about his or her recommendations. I’ve tried many a dish based on server recommendations that I’ve ended up loving and would never have chosen on my own. Many times I’m up front about feeling uncomfortable eating alone and would like to make an experiment out of this…being honest more often than not yields great results.

A scenario that I recently went through went like this: “I’m eating alone tonight, and I thought I’d take this opportunity to turn it into something of an experiment and order a variety of appetizers, unless you have a better suggestion from the menu?” The response was that my server suggested their trademark Soup Du Jour and two very unique appetizers (an Oyster ‘something’ and the Calamari Rings with a Cajun dipping sauce).

The food was great, but the real benefit was the interaction I had with my server for the duration of the meal…he was most attentive (almost as if he was making sure I wasn’t lonely perhaps?), but not intrusively so. It was fun to interact and to try foods I might not have picked otherwise. Because they were his suggestions, I could ask questions about the dish—how was it prepared, where the chef is from, how often do they change their menus and specials, etc.

This particular dining experience was an adventure that turned dining solo into something fun instead of something to endure. It was a perfect evening for an introvert alone (but not lonely!). I drove back to my room with pleasant thoughts, happy memories, and a satisfied palate—a nice way to end the day before I went back into my introvert cave and recharged for t he next day’s adventure.

How To Have an Adventure When Your Attitude Sucks.

It’s painfully clear that one can find joy, passion and adventure without even leaving the house—it is all about attitude. This is especially true for introverts as we love to spend that quality time inside our heads. But how do you have an adventure when your attitude sucks?

My attitude has been a bit wimpy for several days; teetering between blah and pissy. An attitude that is decidedly NOT what (in my clearer moments) I’m all about. What’s up with that?

Loving introspection, I’ve been doing a ton of that, and I wonder just what this shift is all about? Is it me? Is it them? Is it the weather? Is it my diet? Is it the planetary line-up? WHAT is really behind this feeling of ennui; this lack of passion and this almost perverse enjoyment of negativity? If you think I can answer these questions in this post, you can stop reading right now, because I can’t. I have no profound thoughts on this matter except to acknowledge that sometimes a bad mood is just a bad mood. Sometimes you just gotta sit with it and let it pass.

Do Not Be Afraid of Dying, Be Afraid Instead of Not Living.

Has introversion been a prison for you? A reader’s recent question: “How do I climb out of my shell without making myself stressed and end up sick?” Now, I may not know what ‘coming out of my shell’ means to this reader, or how the stress manifests itself or even what the type of sickness might be…I don’t have to because for many introverts this is a familiar struggle. Our system’s struggle to handle the chemical and emotional overload that comes with the territory of being introverted is what we deal with on a daily basis: 24/7.

If it were as easy as being well energized then a quiet nap in darkened room would be the cure-all and we could go about our merry ways. But often, that’s only touching the surface of our struggles. This same reader wondered if they were just weird. Now that is a whole new box of crayons with which to color ones world.

I’m weird. I know I am, and I fully embrace it…now. But I knew I was weird as a child too, and that didn’t feel very solid to my young psyche. I knew I didn’t fit in, I wasn’t like the others. Therefore, I must be faulty. THAT, I think is what many introverts struggle with today…the wounds from childhood that happened as they tried to make sense of their world—to integrate their inner and outer worlds.

These wounds can be big ‘T’ traumas, or little ‘t’ traumas. But let me assure you, those little t’s can pack quite a wallop. So for introverts, we have to learn to come to terms with our misconceptions about the world before we can safely come out of our shell and adventure out into it on our own terms. The world is as safe and as scary as you allow it to be. For me, the true light began to flicker inside when I finally ‘got’ what was meant by these wonderful words: Do not be afraid of dying, be afraid instead of not living. 

Define Boring!

I’m not boring and I’ll bet you aren’t either. But if you’re an introvert you’ve probably had an extrovert or two take shots at your ideas of fun.

I was recently watching a seminar describing the differences between introverts and extroverts. The speaker asked for audience participation and wanted them to describe their idea of a perfect day. As you can guess, the introverts mostly described quiet, solitary, relaxing activities while the extroverts usually described action packed, people oriented activities. As the speaker paused and was grasping for words to explain the introvert’s activities, someone blurted out “Boring!”

That’s it isn’t it? Extroverts think we are boring as hell? Most extroverts would find us really interesting and quite funny if they would just pause long enough for us to catch our breath and collect our thoughts. My introvert friends know this about me. My extrovert friends…wait…do I have any extrovert friends? Maybe not. Maybe I’ve reached a point where I’m just tired of hearing that I need to loosen up more, I need to have more fun, and come out of my shell, join the party. Maybe I’m just tired of trying to talk over their non-stop chatter to convince them that I’m pretty darned happy the way I am, thank-you-very-much. I'm anything but boring, I've got a party going on in my head all the time, and it's fun in there!

Do You Have a "Do Not Disturb" Sign?

 Overheard: “I just want a day where no one comes over. Nothing is planned, and I don’t even have to answer the phone.” Spoken like a true introvert. Many of you have mentioned that your need for a day to yourself is something you crave. Me too, sometimes so much so that I physically ache when I don’t get it. The really odd thing is that most days I only have a small amount of distractions, or other-than-me stuff. Why does it seem to derail my momentum when I have to do something other than what I want to focus on? You would think that a time-out for an hour or two could be easily taken in stride.

Could it be that I am so much on the edge of overload that simply attending to life’s little necessities teeters me closer to falling off? Or is this just the way things are? Me not wanting to focus on anything other than …well, me? Am I doomed to living in solitude to avoid interruptions? Alone but not lonely? Maybe, but I still think it’s a matter of managing my energies.  

Knowing that interruptions will cause me stress when I’m in my creative zone shouldn’t require not having interruptions or worse, not getting creative…Coulda, woulda, shoulda…it’s just what I deal with. Some days more so than others, but I’m learning not to place judgment on the way I deal with life’s little interruptions…sometimes they just suck.