Never Start a Road Trip With a Dirty Car, and Other Grand Advice

Never start a road trip with a dirty car. I’m not sure what will happen if you do, but it’s advice that I’ve always followed. Funny the rituals we go through as we prepare for the unknown.  Is it our attempt to have the last illusion of control before we take that plunge into the unfamiliar?

I used to hate that feeling of being out of my comfort zone, but I've come to hate, even more, the feeling of being left out of my life.  Now, I’ve become friends with the butterflies in my belly. When they visit, I know I’m staying true to my dream of living life fully…unfettered by fear and doubt. Tonight I am entertaining butterflies again. But they are welcome here because soon I will put the Central Coast in my rear view mirror and head south to an adventure. If you want to come along for the ride, just follow me. I'll be the one with the shiny, clean car.

Where Hunger Can Take You

Made an impromptu cookie-run to Cayucos - to the Brown Butter Cookie Company. I was immediately offered bite-sized samples as I entered the red storefront. Who knew cookies topped with sea salt would taste so good? I bought a few more than I planned.

Treats in hand I headed onto the town’s pier. The cloud strewn horizon created intrigue and beauty. In time, my breathing matched the rhythm of the waves below me as I soaked in all the ocean had to offer...if for only a moment.  

Sometimes the simplest things in a day can be the best…all it took was a thought and the willingness to act on it. So easy, so pure, so tasty. I got my cookie…where you gonna get yours?

Life In a Traffic Circle

We have a traffic circle in my small beach town.  It’s either humorous or irritating depending on how your day is going, but it’s rarely dull. Yesterday it reminded me of a metaphor for life. Some people get in and out with the greatest of ease. Others seem to get stuck in the inner lane and don’t know how to exit. Some will make it to the outer lane but get so confused that they stop at all exits, not sure really what to do next. And then there are people who can’t even get into the circle because they’re always waiting for the right time…the safe time.

In my life I want to be able to get into and out of situations with the greatest of ease. I want to explore all exits and see where they take me. I want to navigate cautiously around others with less resolve and perhaps entice them to follow my path for a little while.

My Adventurous Introvert self won’t allow me to travel with the crowd.  Am a loner, yet I love people. I need quiet and serenity, yet I crave adventure. I will seek places both innermost and outermost, but adventure I will. Next week I will begin taking Facebook from Virtual to Reality. I will be armed with laptop, GPS and cameras, both still and video, and I will begin sharing my adventures through the eyes of an introvert.

I hope you follow along as I connect with my new friends and experience their town through their eyes. I’ll be creating as I go as I’m never sure what I’m doing until I’ve done it. Just like my traffic circle, it will never be dull. Adventure is an attitude, create a new one each day.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

Extroverts: Can’t live with ‘em and can’t live without ‘em. They can keep things interesting and they can certainly be entertaining, and when properly trained they can learn to respect your need for cave time too.

But what happens when two introverts get together? It’s been described as “I like being with you, it’s just like being alone.” Well, that’s one way to look at it. It is nice to be able to be in the same room with someone without having to talk or perform. If your work entails lots of people interaction, being alone with someone certainly has its appeal.

Introverts spend time in their heads. It’s what they do. It’s what they love. It’s how they function. They are the great thinkers, planners, and dreamers of the world. They are forever watching a home-made movie in their head. However, when you have two individuals running their own mind-movies at the same time it’s pretty hard to leave one script and join the other’s.

Communication is paramount to any successful relationship. Sometimes we introverts spend so much time in our head (and yes, even having a mental conversation with that person sitting across from us), that we think the other person is up to speed with our thoughts. That’s not necessarily so. How many times have you thought something yet forgotten to verbalize it? You know you’ve processed it because you’ve gone over and over it in your mind…but you forgot one tiny little detail. You forgot to tell the other person. You both end up not on the same page. You’re not even in the same book. 

I’d love to hear from you. Looking at your significant relationships, do you function best with someone like you, or opposite from you? Or do you find other traits to be more important? While we love our solitude, the reality is we love our relationships too. Only...we want them on our terms and in our own way. What is important to you? I’d love to know.

Flirting

Just what is it about flirting that is so fun? The other night my friend and I were having dinner at a little bistro in town. The place had that continental flair—all dark and cozy, a handful of tables for two, crystal chandelier hanging in the center of the room while candles glowed on each table. It was an absolutely charming place to have a quiet meal and visit for a while.

There were two guys dining at the table next to ours and the place was so small, we couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. Growing hops. Now you’ve got to admit, there’s a conversation you don’t hear everywhere. You hear talk of wine, food, travel, work, relationships, but hops? Never.

Now it’s not my style to interrupt or impose myself on the conversations of others, but here we were, two single women out on the town and there they were two (presumably) single men sharing an interesting conversation over a cheese board and beer. Yes, there was a little flirting going on too.

As we left, my friend and I commented on how great flirting makes you feel and wondered why don’t we do it more often? Well, I don’t know about you, but it’s not a natural thing for me to do. It feels forced. I just don't have that easy-going, relaxed, flirty personality. I think I come across as too serious most of the time. But there it is…that ‘too’ word. Maybe I’ll just give it a try a few more times. After all, flirting is fun. Besides, you can be serious and have fun at the same time, right? It's just like adventure--it's simply an attitude, and a fun one at that!

You Can Laugh, Or You Can Cry

I know what’s missing. Laughter. The kind that takes you by surprise and rolls over you, first as giggles, then erupts deep from the belly.  The kind that keeps bubbling over as you try to compose yourself, yet often threatens to explode once again. You hold your aching stomach, your cheek muscles sting, and tears stream down your face. You are in the midst of pure, unfettered joy.

It’s hard to summon up this intensity in solitude, but I have my tricks. The body is an amazing thing. We store our emotions here, there and everywhere inside. I have a handful of memories that bring about an instant feeling of joy. Tapping into a memory can take you immediately there. We all know this instinctively. That’s why we might try to avoid unpleasant memories….we can ‘feel’ them as if they happened yesterday.

“To every situation in life”, my mother used to say, “you have a choice: you can laugh or you can cry.”  She was right, wasn’t she? The tension that builds inside us for either emotion feels very much the same in the body…it’s only the mind that determines how it will manifest. 

There are some who avoid tears like the plague, thinking they are protecting themselves. But if you’re not willing to accept the tears…how can you hope for the gift of laughter?

No Man Is An Island

"No Man Is An Island." The first time I heard this saying I was quite young—nine or ten perhaps. My gut reaction at the time was “Like hell!”, and still is to this day.  Granted, I grew up with my introvert wounds of never feeling like I belonged, but there was more at play there, I think.

You see, I’ve chosen islands most of my life. The metaphor is that one is cut off and separate from the main stream. Yup, that’s me.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s the egg or the chicken quandary. Would I have sought solitude if I felt more accepted in my surroundings? Or did my solitude cause discomfort in others and their projection affirmed my decision to isolate? Regardless of the reasons, solitude is my comfort zone. Not all introverts feel this way, but many, many do in varying degrees.

I’ve had many extroverted friends that truly believe I am missing something by remaining separate. But for the life of me I don’t see what it is. I have very close and nurturing friendships, I have family that doesn’t necessarily understand me, but truly accepts me. I am happiest in my own company for the majority of my waking hours. I have such richness of depth in my daily life I do not feel lack in any way. What I do feel is gratitude that I can create such an idyllic life. You see, on my island I get to go ashore as often as I want. I have it all. I truly have it all. 

Isaac, the Purrfect Extrovert

Isaac gets a little grumpy when cooped up in the house for too long. He is a cat that knows no stranger and lives to explore. Most mornings I let him out for a few hours. My neighbors call him by name. They may not know me, but they sure know Isaac. Often he joins me part way on my morning walks; veering off into his own proscribed rounds several blocks from home.

On a cute little silver tag on his collar is his name and my phone number. I had to do this because he is always trying to follow someone home, (he especially loves trotting alongside anyone walking their dog), and I thought they should know that he has a home and someone who loves him very much. Sure enough I get one or two phone calls a week describing where he is and who he is hanging out with. Sometimes it’s another cat, but it can be a dog too. Usually, according to the messages, he walks into their home and takes over. Luckily he is so charming and handsome that he is considered grand entertainment by all.

But I digress. He is my extrovert. He is the epitome of extroversion. He is not only in the center of any activity, he the one wearing a lampshade on his head at a party. When I have friends over, he becomes supercharged with energy and can keep us entertained for hours. He becomes willful when kept inside for too long. Newness and adventure thrill him, and I suspect he could easily adopt whoever provides the greatest excitement du jour. This worries me because my house is usually pretty calm and quiet. Perhaps he’s going to get bored and abandon me for someone more lively.

We adopted each other at the cat shelter. I know why now, I was someone new and interesting. Someone he just had to have a closer look at. I, of course, thinking deeper than mere curiosity, thought that we were meant to be together, why else would he have made a beeline to me? Why indeed! And thus is the story of opposites attracting. Yes, I can live with an extrovert just fine, I just have to remember to kick him outside often enough. After all, I need my alone time too.

The Energizer Bunny

My senses were on full alert as I opened my eyes from a brief nap, eight hours into the road trip. It was two in the morning and it was still my friend's shift to drive. Traffic was light as I looked around to see what woke me up. Traveling south, we had just crested the Grapevine and were on the outskirts of Los Angeles—a city where the freeways are never still. But it wasn’t the traffic that woke me, there were no loud noises nearby, and my friend hadn’t spoken. Yet I could ‘feel’ it…energy coursing through my veins. Not just amped energy but excitement energy…anticipation energy. Energy that was strong enough to wake me from a sound sleep. It’s the same energetic rush I get from many cities. The streets of New York, San Francisco, and even Portland give me their personalized brand of an energetic rush. Each city feels different, but the rush is very much the same. It should be noted that I’m not very fond of L.A. as places to be, but the energy I was feeling was very enjoyable.

So I’m puzzled. Introverts get their energy from within, I know that. Too much stimulus (i.e. excitement) can deplete their reserves, I know that too. Yet here am I, an introvert to the max, getting high off of L. A.’s energy--a city that I don't even particularly enjoy. The phenomenon seems discordant…But the fact remains, in a city, my senses are flooded with energy. You can’t get much more external than that.

Now I realize that there must be a difference in the types of energies I am feeling. The external energy that a city gives off is palpable—it is probably what draws the masses to it. But does it reenergize the introvert? I’m not so sure. I still need my space, my cave, my alone time. Without it I begin to shut down and withdraw from doing anything. So the energy I get from a city shouldn’t be confused with the energy I get from within. They might feel the same initially, but they are very different animals.

Big cities, however, are the easiest places in the world to be alone. Where else can you be among a throng of people who don’t even acknowledge your existence? What better place to sit at a sidewalk café and people watch? Where else are the choices of things to do so vast? Where indeed?

Big cities are an attraction for me…it probably appeals to my adventurous side and has little to do with my introversion, but big cities play into who I am so exquisitely. Loving the energy rush yet staying within my cocoon. Alone, but not lonely. Getting the high a location has to offer, yet always going within to recharge and get ready for my next adventure.