The Adventurous Introvert™

Beyond our wildest dreams...

2011-01-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

Our greatest fear is not that we will fail. Our greatest fear is that we will succeed beyond our wildest dreams. Sounds a bit off doesn’t it? But it’s not. Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art puts it in perfect perspective:

“This is the most terrifying prospect a human being can face because it ejects him at one go (he imagines) from all the tribal inclusions his psyche is wired for and has been for fifty million years.”

On a recent road trip with a first-class, A-number-one, primo friend, I was beginning to find the words to express my current state of being: things that used to fit (psychically) no longer were fitting….I seemed to be out growing my...well, everything.

I’ve been wrestling with these thoughts for some weeks – Is it me? Is it them? Will anything ever be enough? Why can’t I be satisfied with what I have? Am I running away from me? You might know this way of thinking too – I find it’s pretty common.

When I read Pressfield’s words I knew instantly. My environment hadn’t changed – it was still the cozy, warm, welcoming, breath-of-fresh-air place that drew me to it two years ago. No, I was the one who changed.

Two years ago I needed to be precisely here because here was where I began to live in my bliss – I began to take risks and push on the edges of my security. I began to open up my world to see the possibilities and the vastness of it all. I began to experience being alive.

I certainly flourished from my current surroundings. I love it still – but it is not enough. I am ready to play on a different field and to do so means I leave behind my tribal inclusions and must go find another tribe.

I have found my next landing spot. I will be moving to San Francisco in April. I will be auditioning at many tribes to find a new place to grow and evolve. I am beyond excited to embark on this adventure. Oh, yeah….I’m scared to death too – isn’t that great?

Risky Business

2010-12-26T03:56:00.000-08:00

A good adventure gives just enough risk to get your juices going and makes you glad you stepped up to the challenge. You want to be energized by your adventure - you want to say "Wow...what a ride! Let's do it again!"

Learning to risk safely is important then....it will keep you moving into your discomfort instead of away from it. If you find yourself saying "Holy cow, I'm glad I survived and I'm never doing that again!" It could be more about finding your perfect adventure - on your terms....and less about adventuring itself.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER compare your adventure to someone else's - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER compare your ability to adventure with someone else's. Find your perfect adventure and stick with it until you need to change it up...if you keep moving into adventure, there's little chance that you'll stay in one place for long.

You can, of course, learn more about finding your perfect adventure on your terms by visiting my website Loving the Adventure there's even a free teleclass you don't want to miss that will help you "Find Out What's Really Stopping Your From Being Adventurous (It's Not What You Think)"....check it out, it may be the next step to risking safely.

What Are You Grateful For?

2010-12-23T07:29:00.000-08:00

It’s two days before Christmas and I have just a few (fun) things left to do – yes, I’ll have to brave the crowds at Trader Joes, but since we’ve been given a break in our torrential rains for a few days, I’m looking forward to getting out.

This year I’m spending Christmas Eve with a very special, long-time friend. When we found out a few weeks ago that neither of us would have our kids home for the holidays – a first for both of us – we decided to create an adult Christmas Eve together (after all friends are the family you choose, right?)

So we’ll be starting with a few adventures in the kitchen. I’ll make a wicked Cioppino and my friend is planning a decadent dessert - and of course something 'toasty' by the fireplace. I love it when I get a chance to create something new and special in the kitchen. My long-time readers know that I have a very adventurous spirit around food – both eating and preparing.

But I think what’s really going to make the evening is when we create our 2010 gratitude lists – and we’re going to get very creative with this. We will write down everything that has happened to us this year that we are grateful for. I’m still playing with ideas, but think mine will be in either booklet form or turn into a poster ‘masterpiece’ to hang on my walls – there’s nothing more beautiful than gratitude!! I might even share a photo of the finished product.

Just thinking about this evening gets my juices flowing – imagine this:

Long-time close friends
Hearty food delights lovingly prepared
Capped off with a grateful walk down memory lane

Can’t you just feel the energy in the air?

Merry Christmas everyone – may you have a holiday filled with good food, love and gratitude too.

Can You Build Your Plane While Flying?

2010-11-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

Today I have waves of melancholy and excitement coursing through me. I have to say that the wisdom about letting go to make room for something new and better is true, but not always easy, because we sometimes need to let go before we’re ready (or certainly think we are).

I am sitting here preparing to let go officially and to move into new territory and I’m filled with emotion. My heart tells me it’s good and it’s time, but my mind still wants to hang on for a moment longer secure in the status quo, but I know that status quo is my warden, my jailor. I know that I only live free if I listen to my inner spirit and face toward the new, the unexpected and, yes, the scary.

I was talking to a friend last night about how we (as humans) often hang on to something until we ruin it. I know that to be true as I’ve done that too many times before….I am much faster now at recognizing when it’s time and to begin to psychologically prepare myself.

I know exactly what my next focus is, the hard part is that it can be done anywhere in the world. For me it’s not about location, location, location. It’s about adventure, adventure, adventure.

So what I’m doing next is crystal clear. Where I’m doing it isn’t…. I’ll be cleaning out and calling Goodwill in preparation. I trust that an opportunity will show itself soon and I’ll just know it’s right, as I’ve always known, and I’ll jump into that adventure too.

It’s funny, I used to say, ‘leap and the net will appear’….now I’m going to build my plane as I fly it. If you know exactly what I mean, then be sure you sign up for email alerts with each new post from this blog – you won’t want to miss a single story.

I’ll always take you along with me.

A Year of Living Adventurously

2010-11-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

I’m extremely thankful for the life I’ve had, and I’m equally filled with gratitude for the life ahead of me.

I cannot believe it’s been barely over a year since I’ve been actively focusing on my adventurous side….my adventurous spirit and I stepping into the discomfort of the unknown with eyes wide open, ready to experience life on a higher level; At first steeled only with resolve, then later comfortably embracing the discomfort that represents risks and living well.

With each new adventure comes a richer, deeper more expanded way of life. Gone are the days of feeling shut down and shut out of my own life. Gone is the overwhelm of day to day living (coping, if truth be told), gone is wondering where I belong and who I’m supposed to play with.

Today my life is filled with not only a heightened adventurous spirit, but loving relationships that mirror that – full of joy, and yes, adventure too – especially adventure. Not leading nor following, but walking side by side as we experience the world on this new, higher, more committed level.

I am finding more and more people who resonate with my desires and who want to play with me – people who are willing to invest in life in the ways that are important to our continued growth. Juicy, voluptuous, passionate, messy, flat-out-no-holds-barred at times, full of feeling; People who lean into fear and the unknown with grace and energy – my people.

I’m home even on the most exciting adventure because it is my life…my wonderful, adventurous life. Thank you all who have joined me, encouraged me and loved my journey. To this introvert it has been nothing short of amazing.

The Bare Truth - Trusting My Bliss

2010-10-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

You know that I’ve broken through some pretty big barriers that kept me grounded and shackled in my life. I’ve had to learn to break free and enjoy the feeling of being adventurous. There are so many of you out there just like me…on your own path; some just starting, some beside me and some way out on the ledge. I want everyone to experience the joy of freedom that I now feel. That is why I started writing – to share my process in hopes that it will inspire you too to keep taking your next step.

But my writing is taking on a new life. It began as something for you, and I realize now that it is my lifeblood. I cannot stop writing for it is where my bliss is. Without you I might never have started…so thank you.

I am also filled with passion about helping others find their adventure – step out of the shell of introversion – live big and bold and joyfully…I’ve learned it and I know those that yearn for it can learn from my experience.

For a few years I have wanted to create products that will help you along your journey…things that have worked for me, and others like me, that will work for you too. The products are in my head, and they are exciting, but for whatever reason I am not completing them and that causes a block in my writing as well…about the only thing that is happening right now is traveling. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately and have dreams of many more miles. But it seems that I should be finding a way to earn a living….....

There is something BIG stopping me and I’m just not sure what it is. Here’s where my thoughts go daily:

“Ok I want to travel and roam around the world just doing whatever spirit calls me to do – to live in the now.” (I call it following my Bliss.)

“I’m currently doing that, but I’m using my savings to supplement this. I have enough savings to last me two more years of Bliss…” (insert a note of fear with this thought.)

“I will either find my path and create money by following my Bliss, or I will go through it all and have to rebuild.” (again).

“I’m tired of building…I want to play…it’s time to play.”

My heart’s desire is to play and to write about it. I am at my fullest when I’m writing from the heart. My belief is: If I write honestly, openly and with humor people will follow me. I feel that I am called to earn an income from my writing...but for now, I just write because with it I am earning a life.

However, I am blocked on my writing right now because I am trying to create products to sell. I don’t seem to be able to write and produce a product too. I know I’m meant to write, so the product (which intellectually makes good sense – like a plan B) is standing in the way.

My intellect says: Just power through the product, get it out there and let a VA manage it for you so you can go play. But my heart says: if it doesn’t call to ‘you’, it won’t call to anyone. A VA cannot generate the energy and good will that you do. Your products will need you forever…they will keep you grounded when all you really want to do is fly – soar.

This morning I woke up realizing that I don’t have to know where my money is coming from, I just have to live my Bliss. Let go of the details, that’s not my job any more. Allow God to provide the details, He can do it far better than I can. (and much easier, I suspect).

I tear up when I acknowledge this…it is the truth…it is scary…I know I must do this and I know that I will survive….I will survive on my terms, on my level, in love and with joy.

I’m going to continue to write my story and adventure through the holidays, then I’m going to go to Peru for a month or two….that will be my stepping off point for 2011.

I’m going to write…that is something that I cannot stop doing. I can’t stop traveling either…those are two really great things to know about myself. I’ve trusted my Bliss this far, from now on I’m going to put all my faith in it (quit hedging my bets) and do what it takes to keep following whatever opportunities the universe sends my way.

From your very terrified and excited Adventurous Introvert..............

Adventure and Introversion DO Go Together

2010-10-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

One doesn’t immediately think of an introvert as an adventurer, and I certainly fell prey to that line of thinking for a long time too. How could someone living such a rich, internal existence be considered adventurous?

One big huge misconception is that all introverts are shy and avoid new situations. While that’s true of many, those behaviors are usually the results of learning rather than personality trait. The basic innate traits of the introvert are someone who enjoys solitude, depth, and finding solutions to life’s problems. Introverts do not thrive in a surface, one-dimensonal world, they do, however thrive in the depths of mystery and intrigue, and what’s more adventurous than discovery?

I would venture that many explorers past and present were introverts as well. Someone who sets out on an adventure to discover new worlds or new ways to do something often sets out alone. They are doing and going places that no man has gone before. While the thrill of adventure might motivate an extrovert, the thrill of discovery often motivates the introvert.

We are not all inventors and explorers, but introverts can still adopt the adventurous mindset. Adventure is an attitude, after all. We can feel adventurous doing mundane things like grocery shopping or filling the tank up with gas. We don’t need to be rock climbing to feel the joy and spirit of adventure.

Adrenaline Junkie

2010-10-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

O.K., I have to write this. Readers who have been with me a long time have heard this story, so forgive me, but for my new readers there’s something you should know about me. I’m a closet adrenaline junkie trapped inside an introvert’s body.

I just watched a short clip of a Blue Angel performing across the San Francisco Bay – low enough to leave a trail in the water and I’m filled with excitement and memories of how important their performances have always been to me.

So important, in fact, that I always thought I was going to grow up to be a fighter pilot. Period. No questions asked. I was going to fly like the wind – fight bad guys and be one with the universe. No one told me that (in those days) women were not allowed to be fighter pilots.

(My dream fell away when my eyesight failed to the point of becoming ineligible (somewhere around 10 or 12). I don't remember the details, but I accepted this far more readily than I would have accepted denial simply due to my gender. Bless my family for not pointing this out to me as I had enough on my plate to deal with.)

Adrenaline – my love and my enemy. A thrill and a burden. Too much adrenaline and my system crashes…not enough and I wither. I was withering several years ago in an attempt to handle the chaos that had become my life - I was in permanent shut down mode, not allowing any stimulus to reach me; trying to be safe, but suffocating instead. However, I am bold and brave in spurts so during one of those moments I forged out to set things right - to discover the life that I wanted – rather than a life by default.

Here on these pages I have shared my struggles with wanting more than my energetic system can handle and testing ways to have it all. I can, you know – have it all. I refuse to accept the default mode anymore. I am finding balance more often than not these days, I am finally accepting that life can be just EXACTLY the way I want it...filled with excitement and serenity; no small task, but it's mine.

Selfish or Highly Focused?

2010-10-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

I was called selfish so much as a child that I really believed it. After all I’m totally focused on myself and what I’m doing, yes, often to the exclusion of others and outside activities. I’m in my element inside my head tossing around idea after idea.

Yet, I’m one of the most caring and giving people you’ll ever meet too. Granted, I’m very judicious about whom I give my energy to, and as an introvert I have just a handful of friends that I would drop everything and support, but my passion is large and expansive for those who have endured the trials and tribulations that many introverts have.

Of course it isn’t introversion that is the culprit, it’s the way we have internalized our world and the defensive mechanisms that we have put into place that often get in our way of just being who we are. Or more specifically being O.K. with who we are.

I woke up this morning wondering what selfish means…I bought into it decades ago, and it still travels with me, but I think I’m just focused and driven. My thoughts are so consuming that I can’t ignore them. But they are not thoughts of myself, they are thoughts of others and how to help, so maybe it’s time to leave behind the shame of being selfish and accept that I’m driven and intense and I latch on to ideas like a bull dog with a bone.

Well, correcting erroneous beliefs is always a nice way to start ones day….you have a good one too.

Life on a Different Planet

2010-10-05T06:35:00.000-07:00

When your wonderful, teasing, yet irritating extrovert friend keeps doing something that drives you crazy:

Introvert: Why do you keep doing that when you know how much I hate it?

Extrovert: ???? You just answered your own question (smiling brightly).

They are not your enemy; they are just from another planet. Love them anyway.

Results Are In - Survey Says......

2010-10-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

First, before I tell you the results of the survey - What an Introvert Wants - I want to thank the wonderful Facebook friends who rose to my aide by posting my “calling all introverts” plea and the link to my survey in their status updates – it allowed me to reach far more than my own friends I’ve made along the way. You would be surprised at how many of your friends responded and took my survey (I read years ago that introverts love to take quizzes!). Without your support, I would be far less effective in helping other introverts come to terms with their introversion and find their way to live empowered lives. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

Now the results:

1. Which website would you most likely visit based on NAME ALONE

The top three winners were:

Introvert’s Wisdom (first) and
The Way of the Introvert tied with
The Introvert’s Challenge

I will most likely be using these three names for my revised website, newsletter and Course offerings.

2. If you wanted support dealing with an issue related to your introversion, what form would you most prefer?

A resounding number of you selected "eLessons to be completed on your own time schedule that also includes email interaction with the instructor." A close second was books.

I’m thrilled because that is precisely what I have been designing. There will be a heavy emphasis on prerecorded video classes complete with printable PDF workbooks along with questions for you to answer that will prepare you for your email interaction with the instructor – no set times needed – who wouldn’t love that?

3. Based on some of the challenges that you face as an introvert, which areas would you most likely seek support for?

All areas were fairly even in your responses, but these three had the most ‘votes’:

Finding balance between the demands of my life and energy.
Handling criticism with grace.
Understanding why things affect me the way they do.

Look for lessons that will specifically target these areas - (your wish is my command).

4. Please include any other thoughts you have that were not addresses in this short survey.

There were a number of you who would like some support in handling the marketing/promotion aspect of being a self-employed along with the need to also balance the solitude of the soloprenuer and a healthy interaction with people and events. Sometimes there can be too much solitude, so how do you reach out successfully as an introvert?

All of your comments have been taken to heart as I design new classes to help you help yourself.

I believe we all have the answers to our own questions, but sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees - that's when a coach can guide you to see things that there - always have been - you've just needed to shift perspective a bit. That's my job, guiding the shift to happen.

May I remind every one of what you already know in your heart:
Introversion is not a disease, you are not broken, and you do not need to be fixed….you might however, need to rediscover what makes you so wonderful and learn how to use your natural born traits to your best advantage, and perhaps let go of a limiting behavior to two….to step into the world of your choice by your standards.

Muuaaah to all of you. Thank you

If you took the survey and want to be notified of further surveys, upcoming classes and keep up on my adventures as an introvert, be sure to sign up for emails of new posts. It’s in the column on the right – just put your email address in the box under my smiling picture. Everything I do feeds through here first, so don’t be the last to find out…sign up now.

Do Not Shy Away From Anger

2010-10-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

That is so true about the important things in life. When we first become aware of a truth (especially if it’s been hiding in plain sight all our life) we get that forehead slapping ‘ah ha’ that we finally get it.

Then in comes the anger. Anger against ourselves, others, God, the universe, no one is spared from our wrath. We become militant as we try on this new belief.

However, as we own our belief more and more we reach a level of acceptance and here’s where we can decide to move on with our lives seeking a new path to explore.

After acceptance sets in we can become complacent, but hopefully instead we become inspired to use our new belief for our highest good….

So do not shy away from anger…it has its place in our growth process. It might be the beginning of a whole new chapter in your life.

Here’s how a truth of mine progressed a few years ago:

Them: You should get out more

Me: (To myself) Yes, there must be something wrong with me because I hate going out, I just don’t seem to fit in.

Them: You should get out more

Me: Leave me alone, I don’t want to go out! There’s nothing wrong with enjoying time alone!

Them: You should get out more

Me: You don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine staying home alone for now.

Them: You should get out more

Me: smiling tolerantly: Hmmm, sounds like you’re looking forward to getting out.

THEY haven’t changed a bit…My belief about myself did. I’m an introvert, I don’t have a disease, I’m not broken and I don’t need to be fixed, I just find my inner mindscape very fun and exciting.

Phonophobia Strikes Again

2010-10-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

You do know that I’m a phonophobe? No, it’s not really a word, but it describes my relationship with the telephone to a tee. I just made an important call to my dentist…one that needed to have been made several weeks ago, and now I’m in an emergency situation.

No, I’m not afraid of the dentist. Yes, I have time to make the visit, I even have the funds to cover the visit, so how could I let this happen, you ask? Phonophobia – I will avoid anything that takes a phone call.

I had a wonderful visit with a friend yesterday via Skype. I’ve always had wonderful, insightful, inspirational visits with this friend, but all day I fought the urge to text her and cancel our talk. Phonophobia.

Is it because I depend on visuals when I’m talking? I don’t know, I think that’s part of it, but there is something else at play too. I’ve read of other introverts who have the same phobia, so I know I’m not alone.

That fact has little consolation when you are gripped by the negative emotion of answering the phone. Jump off a cliff? Hmmm, let me think about it. Answer the phone? Are you crazy?

Email me anytime, day or night and I’ll get right back to you. Call me and you’ll probably get my voice mail and maybe a call back. Then again, maybe not…

The Case of the ADHD Adventurous Introvert

2010-09-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Too many choices. Too many distractions. Too many unfinished projects left in the wayside in favor of the new and improved (shiny) project. For someone who constantly tries to simplify her life, I sure have a slew of things calling for my attention.

My brain just won't rest. No wonder my relationship with the external world is love/hate. I love all the options and diversions and hate the energy drain...

I'm O.K. as long as I let the experience come and go. My downfall is wanting to do something with it - like hang on to it, or mold it into something else.

Is it because the introvert in me wants to delve deeper into everything so that I can't just let things pass me by unexplored? Dunno...I promised myself I would rest and recuperate, but I'm sensing another adventure around the corner.....

Cha Cha Cha Changes....

2010-09-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a lesson in letting go. This October 31 will be my two year anniversary of the launch of my website and monthly newsletters “The Journey Within”. In two years both have undergone changes in looks as well as content, but I’ve always stayed with the guided writing theme because that is what I use and what I believe in. I have offered my 6 week writing class as an audio eCourse and I’ve had countless clients who have reached stellar clarity and vision, but I am being called in a slightly different direction.

Currently I manage:

A Website – ZanPackard.com
A monthly newsletter - The Journey Within
This blog - The Adventurous Introvert
The completion of my first book (still a bit too far off to suit me)
Private coaching clients
and All things in-between.

While they all are interrelated, they are separate entities too. Each one demands maximum creativity, and each one feels like a full time job. And honestly they are too much for me to manage well. It feels as if they, or I, are always suffering from neglect.

I find that all I really want to do is to write and embark on adventures…tough to make a living out of that (at least so far), but that is where my heart is and where the heart goes, so does the money (OK, I made that up, but it’s a good mantra, don’t you think?).

So here’s what I will be doing over the next few months:

Website: http://www.ZanPackard.com

I’ve decided to change the website from a high maintenance informational site to instead focus on the series of new writing classes that are almost ready to unveil. They are a series of affordable, quick little instant download eLessons that center on a specific issue– and will come to you as an eBook and video for one price – no need to choose, you will get both because sometimes you like to read and sometimes you like to watch.

So if you are used to my information rich website you will notice a change to one that is mainly focused on getting my products out and into your hands so that you can benefit from the results. The website will be my store, and one that can be managed by someone else if I’m away for long periods of time.

I’ve avoided doing this because my loyal readers are used to a much more low-keyed, conversational/informational, website. But truly, I am going to do a grand promotion to get my eCourses into your hands so that you can benefit from what they have to offer. There will be much more of a sales angle because if you don’t buy it, you won’t work it and I know these lessons have lots to offer everyone.

Monthly Newsletter: The Journey Within

I’m also going to radically change the newsletter - The Journey Within…it has come full cycle and I am ready to focus on writing in a different way, for me and for my clients. The new version will have a new name and will focus more on courageous questions rather than on specific guided writing techniques. The questions will be about bringing purpose to your writing and to your life. They are really all any of us needs to move forward. If you aren’t asking them yourself, you can trust me to.

I can’t believe how difficult it is to let go of the original concept – one that started me on this amazing and wonderful journey. However, that system no longer suits who I am and my former students are likely ready to mix it up a bit too. As we change, so do our needs.

This blog will remain the same, and there is now a link in the right-hand column under my smiling picture for you to sign up to receive my Blog Post by email when ever a new story is posted.

God bless the Adventurous Introvert and you for being steadfast, loyal readers. These few changes will allow me to branch out even more in my adventurousness and (finally) get my book into print.

To the future and life never remaining still….

Don't Miss Another Lively Post

2010-09-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

Look over to the right-hand column just under my laughing picture...see that Sign Up box? All you have to do is add your email address, click Subscribe Me!* and you will automatically receive new posts by email. It's simple and you won't miss a single lively story as I adventure off into the world....I usually post 2-3 articles a week so you won't get overloaded....sign up now and travel along with me.

*You will be asked to respond to your first email verifying your subscription....then sit back and read along right from you inbox.

I'm So Very Humbled by Your Journey

2010-09-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

When I first started this blog I wasn’t sure at all what I was doing. I was becoming more adventurous myself and I wanted to chronicle it in an entertaining sort of way and maybe even inspire others to find their own sense of adventure. I knew that I had made a huge lifestyle change - I was finally set free from my self imposed constraints, and I wanted to shout my joy from the rooftops…this blog is me shouting. Little did I know how life changing this blog would be you too.

There were times in the past 18 months where I was inclined to revert back into the comfort of my ‘cave’ and create a lively internal world rather than break through my comfort zone and actually explore outside of myself. Sometimes I did things simply to have something to write about, almost like a duty, but always I loved the adventure.

This blog kept me going. I became devoted to the concept of being adventurous, and it was a decisive factor in my decisions many times since its incarnation. This blog became my ‘child’ that I had to care for, to be a role model for, to love and nurture.

Knowing how painful my world was and how remarkable life became when I shed some of the shackles and began being true to myself – my adventurous self – I began to also hope that I might inspire others to do the same. If I could just help one person to live more fully with passion and intensity with the life that was burning inside of them then I could be a happy woman indeed.

I think we all love to share what excites us and the other day I received an email. I have permission to use excerpts from it and I’d like to share them with you. These words have meant more to me than I can truly express and make me realize that this blog is working. I’ve left out the identifying sentences for anonymity and am sharing the essence of the words that mean so much to me.

"I wanted to tell you how much you’ve inspired me to take a look at my life and make some much needed changes. When I read your accounts of your adventures it made me realize that I was wanting adventure too … my life is very controlled and I don’t have much room to maneuver, but I’ve decided to just take some time for myself … those around me don’t understand, and I can deal with that, but I am finally taking some risks that I had forgotten were important to me … one of the most disappointing things I’ve come to realize is that I’ve surrounded myself with people who have no sense of adventure, but I don’t let that stop me … I’m doing things on my own when necessary and the important thing is that I’m doing them. I have an opportunity [coming up] that I can’t say no to… It makes no sense to me, but there is a part of me that knows I must do it ... I thought you’d like to know how much you have touched one life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts because I think they helped me start thinking of adventure in a different way and in a way that is important to me."

Thank you all for your remarks, your interest and your support. I’m not sure where I will end up, and it doesn’t matter, but I know I’ve helped one person begin to live more fully…what more can I ask for?

Gifting at Burning Man

2010-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of the philosophies of Burning Man is to be a gifting society. No money was exchanged for anything but ice – and I guess coffee at the café. There was food to be had, drinks to be had, mementos to be had all in the spirit of giving. The philosophy goes further than gifting of tangibles, it embraces a gifting attitude. A smile was a gift, a helping hand was a gift – anything that made the society run smoothly was a gift.

To my amazement, I spent a whole week within this temporary city of over forty thousand people packed into less than 5 square miles under some pretty harsh conditions at times. These people were there to have a good time, so I imagine each was partaking in their chosen form of de-inhibitors and yet, nothing was overtly obvious and the thing that amazed me most was that not once did I feel uncomfortable with the ethos of the crowd.

The gift I appreciated the most was to be able to freely walk around, be a part of the event and not just a spectator, absorb the energy of the environment and not have anyone push themselves on me. There wasn’t a single time I put my guard up or that I wished someone would go away, or quit talking or stop doing whatever they were doing. My comfort zone was fully respected without judgment, which allowed me to stretch my boundaries even more.

I like the gifting mentality. I think the best thing anyone can gift is their attitude. We are all in this life together. It may not feel like it at times, but we are one, none-the-less. Take care of your own square foot, reach out when you can, and tend to the most open attitude you can muster….it’s a great feeling.

BTW there is an organization created by past Burners that is making a difference around the world...Burners Without Borders is gifting at its highest. It started with relief for Katrina victims and has moved throughout the world helping where there is need. Check it out here http://www.burnerswithoutborders.org/ Peru has my name written all over it, maybe I can make that happen next year?

The Rhythm of Burning Man

2010-09-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Close your eyes….imagine music with a beat and rhythm that moves through you – kick starts your heart, caresses your soul, and brings you fully awake, alive, here and now!!

That’s the music of Burning Man – aside from the traditional band venues playing around the camps, there was the primary pulse that could be heard wherever you were. To me, it can only be called Burning Man. You may have heard it before – Lord knows I’ve never been adventurous in sound – but Burning Man haunts me good.

Every sunrise and sunset I could hear the beat of drum circles (djembe mostly). Every morning an Art Car would tour the camp waking me to the sweet, rhythmic message to my soul to come alive. My quiet mornings since have never been the same.

But the real music of Burning Man was different than I’ve ever heard. It was mostly without lyrics and it was total rhythm that moved through me. I didn’t listen to the music, I felt the music. I found myself dancing wherever I went a la flower child of yore – and I loved it.

The freedom to express the music through movement is, of course, very primal. What was that music Burning Man? Is there a name for it? And how can I get me some? I’d hate to wait a whole year to hear it again……

I found a link to some of the music - check it out and see if you aren't be-bopping around too today!! http://kramer.methodrone.com/mixes/kramer_burningman_2010.mp3

Burning Man – Oh You’re One of Those People!

2010-09-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

When I first decided to go to Burning Man (three weeks before the event) there were many calls to find an RV rental….one woman who found out her RV was going to Burning Man hung up on me because I was one of ‘those’ people…WOW, I still haven’t fully figured out who I am, I don’t know how she did it so quickly!!!

P.S. – there is no one type of person at Burning Man….just as in life, there are all types, just acting differently – more free – more respectful – more creative. That’s my take. I’ve heard other experiences that are different, but isn’t that the beauty of things? We all get what we’re looking for.

P.S.S. Sorry my pictures are so poor - there is definitely room for improvement next year!!

After Burn - Making Sense of Chaos

2010-09-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

Every time I sit down to write about Burning Man my thoughts go a thousand different directions. Each experience was so self contained that it’s hard to put them into organized thoughts to make sense to anyone who wasn’t there – and maybe even to those who were there since we all saw Burning Man through our own eyes.

We were greeted at the entrance gate with a “Welcome home”, and while I now know what that means vis a vis Burning Man, it had a special meaning for me that night – a long-time desert rat with memories of security and place in the harsh environment. I was returning home, make no mistake about it, but this home was so vastly different that anything I’ve ever experienced.

Burning Man was everything I thought it would be and more. The desert will always be my emotional home. It is where I can breathe. It is where I can ground. It is a bigger part of me than I remembered and my reconnection was a joy. I can tell you about the hordes of people, the heat, the wind, the ever present dust, oh the dust!, the beauty of the sculptures standing alone on the Playa, and of course there is the noise - the music that is pulsating at all hours of the day, the Carnival/Mardi Gras feeling of the Esplanade at night, the Star Wars environment of the Playa during the day. It all fit together to make one big, amazing week.

I tried to write my thoughts down while I was there, but they were mostly a chronology of what I was doing. While there was much feeling evoked from all of it, I was unaware of what exactly they were…except when I was way out on the Playa getting my energy back from Mother Earth.

I still cannot find the words to describe what happened, but I am so content with the residual feelings that sit in my heart. Will I go back next year? Hell yeah!!

Look for further posts about the art, the people, the environment, the camps, the noise, the music...they all belong together in their own package....kind of like Christmas morning....many presents that all add up to be one event. I'm opening them all right now......

The Anticipation Builds

2010-08-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

This is my new logo for the week )^( I'm going to be a Burner....You can check out Burning Man for yourself.

It’s been a crazy few weeks getting ready to be gone for a while. In the past I’ve always been able to complete and transmit my writing projects while on the road, but that won’t be the case this time. Soon I will be out of range of all communication. No phone, no email, no outside world, no nuttin’. Just me, the desert and 50,000 other people. I’m going to Burning Man 2010.

Doesn’t sound like an introvert’s paradise does it?, but think about it. I am a people watcher to the nth degree, and what better place to watch people? People who are tapping into their inner spirit and embracing all that the week has to offer. Freedom to release and be who they want to be. We spend so much of our time moderating and taming our inner spirits that I look forward to being around others who come to let theirs soar.

I cannot believe that I am actually doing this. The Zan of yore would have run the opposite direction from this event, and today I am tingling with excitement. I’m not sure what to expect, I’ve heard every kind of story about Burning Man there is. My curiosity is on full speed ahead.

There will be plenty of people doing things that I have no interest in, but my excitement is in feeling the overall energy of the event. I’m an art junkie so I’m excited to see all the varieties and forms of art that will be displayed. Remember, this is a crowd of uber creative people; that in and of itself will be a joy to experience.

I’ve been told that it might reach over 100 degrees during the day. It might drop down to freezing at night. There could be sudden thunderstorms or dust storms with winds as high as 70 MPH…and truth be told, I’ve experienced all that in the Southern California desert as a young girl growing up. I remember so many weekends spent in the sand dunes with my father…I know about harsh, unexpected climates and I’m kind of excited to be back in it.

I’ve been told that there will be drugs and nudity and crazy behavior….well, I’ve seen that too, and I can walk away any time I choose to get some ‘space’, or find new energy that better suits me. In a group of 50,000 people I can expect to find anything and everything, and in a more heightened tempo. I relish this experience...who knows, maybe I'm just looking forward to not being the only odd duck in the pond.

I think the real challenge will be to keep my energy up. I do get exhausted from over stimulation, and this sounds like it could be total sensory overload. But I have learned a thing or two about being an introvert, and being able to find adventure wherever I go, and meet my own unique needs too. I have no fears or doubts.

I’ve been told that Burning Man will change you in ways you’ve never expected. I am ready…

You probably won't hear from me until I return...but I will be sharing my experience with you, I promise.

Truly Great Friends

2010-08-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

I’m always so amazed at how people come in and out of my life. There is a saying that speaks of people coming to you for a reason, a season or a lifetime that really explains the flow quite nicely.

Being an introvert, I don’t make friends with ease, and once they are a friend, they remain so for life. But what exactly, defines friendship? That is where I have erred in the past. I have mistakenly let some people into my life as a ‘friend’, when in reality they were just there for a reason or a season; No less likeable or necessary to my happiness, but transient none-the-less.

When these people move out of your life it can hurt. But keeping them close to you at any cost would cause its own type of wound, so sometimes the most graceful thing we can do is to let them go.

I have new acquaintances appearing all the time and I love that about life. But I also have acquaintances disappearing too. I’ve had to learn that not everyone has a permanent place to stay in my heart forever. It’s these individuals that I have to cherish for being there for a reason – some a season, but never a lifetime. They have brought me a precious gift – even if it hurts.

I read somewhere that we are lucky to have three people to call true friends. I am blessed to have more than that. I am truly blessed with amazing friends and exciting acquaintances and I love them all for however long I can have them in my life.

The Sea and Me

2010-08-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

It is sunny and clear this evening. A perfect time to sit on the balcony with my feet up, sipping my beloved Scorpion Mezcal and looking at the horizon filled with nothing and everything at the same time.

When I moved here I swore I would never, ever complain of fog...coming from 20 plus years of over 105 degree summer days I was ready for some cool, ocean breezes. Well, the fog can be a bit difficult to handle at times, but really, on a day like today all I can feel is peace and gratitude for the gift of now and the gift of here....Cheers

Just Deal With It!

2010-08-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

I can spend a lot of time wishing things were different, but that would necessitate me being different.

I rather like the way I am, so in the words of a dear friend "You're prickly yet loving; you're all out or you're shut down; that's the way you roll, just deal with it!"

Well said.

FINALLY ! !

2010-08-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday morning with answers to a problem that I've been struggling with all year. I've had two books in me for a while. The one I think I should write and the one I want to write.

I can give a dozen reasons why I've divided my life into two books – and on one hand it makes perfect sense. But the reality is that I wasn't enjoying the writing process very much. My should book became my have to book. It wasn't coming together and it was boring the crap out of me (I can only imagine the yawn it would be to you, dear reader). I didn't dare work on my want to book for fear of neglecting my have to book...you can see the problem here.

What finally happened is that I woke up and 'saw' a way to combine both books. It's not in a conventional form, but so much of my life isn't conventional so there's nothing new there. I wrote for 5 hours with my fingers flying over the keyboard, and most importantly I was entertaining myself---what fun I had.

I was bringing parts of my should book into play with my want to book. I think it's going to work. I'm excited again about my writing. I woke up with happy anticipation instead of dread. I think I'm on to something and it feels like an adventure….stay tuned, this book is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's turning out to be the most fun too.

What Dance Floor are You Standing On?

2010-08-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

"No one is able to enjoy such feast than the one who throws a party in his own mind." ~Selma Lagerlöf

The life of an introvert is very much about enjoying the party in your own mind. I am always creating complete and exciting scenarios…and I must say they are more entertaining than any of the parties that I usually attend. Nothing seems to stand up to the richness of my imagination.

What I miss the most when I venture outside of my thoughts is the depth, the richness and fullness that I have so carefully nurtured and coddled into existence.

Inward or outward we all dance to the tune of our unique thoughts. So what matters most just might be the dance floor we are choosing to stand on.

Why Do We Do The Things We Do?

2010-08-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning finally rested from a full night’s sleep. The turmoil surrounding putting all the pieces together for Burning Man is taking a toll on my energy. However, it looks like a motor home is miraculously appearing and now it’s 95% sure The Burn is on.

Someone commented that it will be a great place to practice inner peace, which made me ask myself: “Wow, is that why I’m doing this? As some sort of a test?” I’m still working through this question because I think it’s an important one to understand – we all should know why we do the things we do.

I will tell you this. I spent so many years of my life afraid to participate. I said ‘no’ way too quickly and 'yes' not nearly often enough. If you’ve been reading me for a while you know that has been my biggest breakthrough – releasing my fears and becoming fully alive in my own skin.

Maybe Burning Man will be a proving ground for me – but I sense that there is something bigger at work. It’s been said by many that Burning Man changes you forever – That’s a pretty powerful lure for me…why do I do the things I do? Because I can. . . finally, I can!

Burning Man

2010-08-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago a friend of mine began talking about Burning Man. It looked like this was finally going to be his year to go. I was happy for him in a detached sort of way – everybody should get to choose their adventures in life.

Yet, every time he talked about it I found myself putting up mental barriers – it all just seemed too much to me. Too much noise, too much proximity to revelers that were having too much fun, too much spontaneity, too much togetherness, too much dust, just too, too much.

Imagining his adventure was triggering memories of other times that were also too much for me: Cinco de Mayo in Ensenada decades ago – oh boy was that too much, Love-ins and Concerts in the Park that had way too much disorder, too much lose-cannon mentality, and too much authority trying to contain it.

When I heard the words Burning Man, I felt the discomfort of those events from long ago. Then I realized that was then and this is now. I had lots of social ‘issues’ back then that I hadn’t yet come to terms with. I’m still an introvert, but damn it, I’m an Adventurous Introvert!

I wasn’t invited along so I didn’t have to invest serious time deciding, but I was disturbed by my initial reaction to this event. There was Burning Man and there was my protective ‘wall’ – I could literally feel it in my body. I’ve grown enough to know that I don’t want to base what I choose today on habits and behaviors of yesterday.

My gut level, negative reaction to Burning Man didn’t sit right with me, so I spent some time thinking about it from today’s perspective. I did my list of pros and cons. Well, actually I just did my list of pros and found that knot of excitement slowing uncoiling and coming to life. I did my obligatory Google search and was trapped for a few hours discovering all that it is…and it is pure adventure. Geez, I went from never-ever considering it, to trying to happy for my friend, to all of a sudden craving the adventure too. I exhaust myself some times (happily said with a smile).

And here’s the interesting part. It now looks like I might go…there’s only three weeks before it starts and I need to find a camper or RV to rent at a price that isn’t tripled for the week of the Burning Man event, or borrow or?…so there are a few major kinks in the plan, but I’m still holding out that something will fall into place and The Burn will be on. Am I crazy? Probably, but there’s only one way to find out for sure.

Honestly? If it doesn’t happen this year (notice how I’m setting the stage to go at least once in my lifetime) I’m pretty excited that I was able to recognize that it was my past thoughts that were getting in the way of participating in today’s life, and I’m just not willing to let that happen anymore.

What's So Good About Introversion?

2010-07-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

If you’re an introvert you may ask yourself this question from time to time—especially if you spend a lot of time dealing with extroverts. You may encounter your fair share of criticism through no fault of your own. You might even feel so opposite from what our society typically regards as the norm, that you sometimes wonder if who you are and what you have to offer has much value…but the truth is, the world could not function well without your unique personality traits.

So to answer the question: ‘What’s so good about introversion?’ here’s a quick list of what makes you so valuable at work, at play and in relationships.

Introverts are:

Analytical—you excel in complex thinking and problem solving

Creative—you are the thought leaders in out-of-the-box thinking

Focused—you have a strong ability to concentrate on the task at hand

Highly Independent—you work well alone (or in small groups)

Self-Reflective—you enjoy thinking about your thoughts

Deep Thinker—you would rather know a lot about a few things than a little about a lot of things.

Highly Curious—the world fascinates you; nothing escapes your interest

Sincere and Trustworthy Friend—you maintain long-term relationships

Self-Contained—you prefer to find your own solutions and often do not share your thoughts until

you’ve worked the answer out.

These are some pretty strong positive traits that few could argue with. So why is it that an introvert is sometimes not given credit where credit is due? Often it is because our inner world is so rich and entertaining to us that we don’t operate at the same speed as our extroverted counterparts. Our preference to think before speaking tends to leave us behind in many group conversations so our voices are not always heard. Our avoidance of social situations makes us seem antisocial rather than simply private and reserved. The truth is most introverts I know would rather spend time with a good friend or a good book than spend time in a large social scene; not because they dislike people, but because they prefer small, cozy environments.

If you’re an introvert, it is a good idea to keep these unique qualities close at hand and even post them in a prominent spot to help you embrace your positive side. This will, in turn, help keep you balanced as you navigate your world. One great thing to realize is that many extroverts who give you negative feedback about your innate personality traits won’t focus on you for long, and will leave you to get back to your rich, inner world where you excel.

Sausalito

2010-07-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

“All aboard”. I love boat rides of any sort. I especially love ferry rides; it takes me back to the excitement of my childhood taking the car-ferry to Coronado Island in San Diego. Driving a car onto a boat just seemed magical to me. I’ve been trying-on public transportation wherever I go this year, so I wanted to take the ferry over to Sausalito just for the experience of it.

The most difficult part of the trip was getting through the farmer’s market laid out at the Ferry Building. Wow, it’s a huge one…on both sides of the Embarcadero. There were lines to get near the booths to simply see what was available. I was short on time so I didn’t really see much of what the market had to offer, but I vowed to go back one day soon and explore.

The ferry was big and comfortable – smooth and relaxing with a tinge of the exotic - or maybe it was just my overactive imagination. We crossed the bay quickly and approached the harbor. The homes that were precariously perched on their hillsides loomed over us as we disembarked. All us ferry-people converged on the quaint yet upscale town and I had to wonder if perhaps events and staffing were geared around what time the ferrys leave and arrive. But no, I decided, the town had a pulse all its own. The ferry was likely a small part of their routines.

We beat the lunch crowds and had a great meal on the water. Surprise, surprise I had oysters…Blue Points to be precise, along with a great sandwich of succulent bay shrimp. Even though I live in a harbor town myself, I relish experiencing other ones too … Sausalito did not disappoint. I roamed the streets, took steep trails that led off the beaten path and found breath taking views and a place to sit and have a moment of contemplation.

We only stayed in town for a few hours since we had a Giants game to go to…Pac Bell park is still one of my all time favorites (I know it’s called ATT now, but it will always be Pac Bell to me). It was Tim Lincecum bobble head day…Whoo hoo, just what I needed to go with my Barry Bonds bobble head. “Heck yeah I’d stand in line!!” Oops, did I say that? The gates opened at 4:05 – we headed down the Embarcadero around 2:30. Oh. My. God. Was that the line? We hadn’t even made it to the bay Bridge yet, and we were dead stopped…by the time they opened the gates the line had made its way back to the ferry building and perhaps beyond. Were we nuts? There was only 20,000 bobble heads to hand out to a sold out stadium. Wow, from a relaxing day of adventure to a stalled moment of anxiety. . . “Do you think there’ll be any left by the time we get to the turnstile?”

So here’s the good news: we had a great time chatting and joking with our line mates…the couple ahead of us were from New York (the Giants were playing the Mets), the couple behind us from Berkeley…yeah, we had fun and we began to let go of the urgent need to possess that bobble head (it really was poorly done anyway). But yes, I got mine as did many others who entered the gates an hour later (without a line, I might add)…hmmm was the standing in line for naught? Nope, I got to meet some fun people, to laugh and trade stories and enjoy the sun that greeted us as we walked into the park….Go Giants (Yes, we won).

My take-away for the weekend was that I’ve discovered that I don’t mind hordes of people…it’s kind of exciting being surrounded by so many different individuals and their unique energies. Yes, much of the day was hurry-up-and-wait, but it didn’t really impact the enjoyment of being in San Francisco. I spent time on a boat, eating my favorite foods, meeting new people, watching a great Giants game and in general soaking up the vibes of the city. San Francisco is tiny…it’s packed….it’s full of life and it beats to a rhythm of its own drum. It’s like no other city I’ve been in. It does life on its terms and that’s always appealing.

C'est la Vie

2010-07-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

It all began with a Friday night soiree at the de Young in San Francisco. I was off to a cultural event: The Birth of Impressionism - Masterpieces from the Musee d’Orsay and to step into a bit of French culture at the same time. Renoir, Monet and Manet captivated those in their presence, plus a smattering of Degas, Pizzaro and Cezanne that delighted the viewers. Judging from the hush and thoughtful reserve, it seemed that everyone had a sense that they were in the presence of something important. There were no photos allowed in the exhibit and all cell phones were banned as well. The room was exceedingly quiet for so many people crowded into a relatively small space. I had to keep reminding myself that the famous works of art before me were the ‘real deal’; not just good imitations…and I didn’t even have to cross time zones to see it!

Dinner was next at the café. It was a Prix Fixe menu that had a hint of Paris…just a hint. The names of the dishes were more French than the taste, but it was served with style and attention to detail considering it was essentially a cafeteria where you placed your order and received a number for your table…then prayed to any Parisian God that a table would open up - and there was one overlooking the magical grounds outside complete with children in ballet costumes running and playing a game of jeu du loup (yes, even children’s games of tag had a French influence that night). I have eaten at the café before, so I knew their limitations…but they exceeded my expectations and I found the dinner delivered a culinary adventure … most probably because of the good mood in the air rather than the good food, but the evening hadn’t disappointed so far.

After dinner we strolled around Wilsey Court and listened to the lively music of Dginn - a band with the unique flavors of French-Gypsy-funk with a twist…spirited, toe-tapping goodness delighting everyone. The songs were sang in French and the energy of the band and audience alike was high which certainly added to the good vibes of the night. A nice deep feeling of pleasure washed over me – I had witnessed genius, I explored new foods and, being the quintessential people watcher, I found the night perfectly evened out as I stood on the periphery of the crowd and just drank in the sights of people enjoying themselves. C’est la vie as the French say: Such is life!!

Change and Acceptance

2010-07-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve always been drawn to change, but resistant to it as well. I suspect this is rather common for most introverts – only you can answer that. Resisting the unknown became a habit for me at an early age. Throughout my life it was easy to cling to status quo—especially since my status quo looked so much like everyone else’s.

With change comes the unknown, and that can scare the bejeezus out of all of us if we let it. The truth is, you cannot put something in or take something out without everything shifting… and if your life is in a precarious balance then change can threaten to upset your whole house of cards and you can easily imagine everything crashing down around you.

Here’s the deal, rarely do we get a glimpse of what the change brings with it…usually we are asked to accept something without fully knowing what it is that we are embracing … "you want me to do what?" It takes extreme confidence and a leap of faith to accept big change gracefully. Sometimes it takes small steps and a simple willingness to sit with the change until it feels a bit more comfortable.

And here’s another deal: Profound loss brings profound change. There is a hole in our lives where something or someone used to dwell. No amount of filling the void with other distractions will bring our life back to what we once knew and accepted.

Change doesn’t much care what we think of it…it just is. We can get wrapped up in our emotions and kick and scream however much we want to – we can avoid dealing with the change by filling our lives with big and small distractions, but change happens with or without our blessing.

Yet sometimes our biggest gifts come from a cataclysmic change that chews us up and spits us out. Desperate to feel some normalcy and balance, we wander around in search of any security blanket we can find. We cry, we beg, we curse…but in the end, if we're lucky, we will begin to accept. It’s in the acceptance that we find beauty and grace and often a gift that we feel blessed to have.

And as far as acceptance goes: if you pass up the opportunity to sit through the change and come out the other side called acceptance, fear not for you will have other opportunities to practice. Change is constant: You can pay now or pay later, the choice is ultimately yours and always has been.

Are We Kindred Spirits?

2010-07-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

I’ve plodded through most of my life doing the things I thought I should do, or the things others thought I should do. Until recently I’ve played it safe far more often than I’ve taken risks. True, I’ve reached levels of success according to society’s standards, but I’ve always had this nagging feeling that I wanted my life back.. . . this plea puzzled me because I don’t have clear memories of any life I wanted back. Just what life was it that I wanted to go back to?

And now I know…I wanted to go back to days filled with excitement and adventure…to the days where hurt, confusion and fear hadn’t seeped in yet. I wanted to go back to the joy of waking up each morning to a world that fed my soul. That is the life I wanted back.

And now I realize that is the life I am living…Each day filled with joy and purpose and freedom; freedom to be exactly who I am, without apology or explanation. One must never keep these delicious discoveries to themselves. There are countless others that are walking this path. I’m discovering more and more who are traveling with me – we keep the flame burning for each other. We are a community of kindred spirits . . . will you join us?

Word of the Day (or so...)

2010-07-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

I’ve always come out of a sound sleep with a word or thought in my mind that seems important enough to ponder. I do my best thinking on paper, so I write in a stream of conscious style and just let the words flow from my mind to the keyboard. I’m addicted to it…I get so much clarity and vision when I do this ~ it keeps me grounded yet moving forward at the same time.

Lately I’ve realized that I am on a very similar wavelength with many of my Facebook friends. It seems that consistently I will write my little heart out first thing in the morning and then check in to Facebook only to find that others are posting comments in similar veins on similar topics ~ So similar that I begin to wonder if I’m getting some intuitive guidance from the virtual world… (insert music from TheTwilight Zone).

I don’t much care where my guidance comes from, so I’ll just keep doing what works for me and that is to note the word or thought that I awaken with and go there…so now I’m deciding to share my word (not my thoughts - you get to come up with your own) with you and will post them when I am so nudged…we are in this world together, we are here interacting for a reason, there are no coincidences ~ and while I don’t always know what my part is, I will share my journey because that is what I am called to do…I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find several who are on a parallel path entering the same crossroads and challenges who can relate and share their insights too. It’s all good, isn’t it?

Heading Home to the Other Rock

2010-07-06T05:04:00.000-07:00

In 24 hours I will be heading for the airport praying that I haven’t exceeded my allotted 50 pounds of stuff in my checked luggage. I can never resist buying the simple food items that I can’t seem to find back home. Items like the Pomegranate and Blood Orange Balsamic Glaze, Old Bay low sodium (no MSG) seasoning, a jar of Russian honey cram-packed with every nut conceivable (No use trying to read the label on that one), smoke flavored sea salt flakes, black and white sesame seeds for a mere pittance, powdered lemon grass (29 cents!), weird little dried anchovies that have a hint of honey—Shrimp crackers to puff up by frying...

Traveling and exploring the local markets and restaurants is like living the best of the Food Channel…and I experience a bit of my adventure every time I enter my pantry. Convinced this shopping experience is not exclusive to the East coast, I’ve decided to spend a week in San Francisco the end of the month…to delve into some unique and local Asian grocery stores, Mexican bodegas and Italian Markets. Surely I can find the same adventures on the west coast as I do in New York? If you are familiar with the City by the Bay and can recommend some of your favorite places, please let me know.

Of course, I think it’s really just a great excuse to spend some more time in a city. San Francisco always energizes me, so I am looking forward to this adventure…if you stay tuned you’ll find out just what I’ve discovered…and I’m guessing that it won’t be limited to things that can be bought – life is far too deep and complex to spend it on the surface. Sometimes I’m soaring with my head in the clouds; seeing the big picture, and sometimes I’m exploring the details of the depths, but I’m always interested in how life presents itself to me. . .

Zan Z. Packard

Vulnerability is Freedom

2010-07-05T04:05:00.000-07:00

Any artistic endeavor demands a piece of your soul; a bit of blood from your heart. This is something that most artists accept about themselves…we create because we must. It’s who we are, it’s how we breathe. Without unleashing our creativity we die.

How interesting that I have chosen to focus on introversion. This is my own path and continued journey, and perhaps one that only another introvert can understand. But as I bleed on the pages, I wonder who is reading this and what thoughts I have prompted them to explore?….well, you know introverts, we aren’t very open with sharing our thoughts. Can’t do small talk worth a damn, don’t want to share deeply with people we don’t even know….and yet here I am writing personal stories for all to see.

It’s been a blessing to me, this blood-letting. To get rid of the demons that I always felt were knocking at my door—God forbid I open it. Yet on this particular path that I'm on, I've discovered that there are no demons worth fearing….it’s light and expansive through that open door. The unknown is not a demon but a friend.

All I know is that sharing my most personal journey continues to be one of the greatest healing, uplifting, and empowering things I’ve ever done. I’d love to hear from you because it validates me, but honestly? I do this for me. It’s no longer a choice or a luxury…it’s the only way I can travel right now, and I am soaring …blessings from the edge.

There's Something Happening Here....

2010-07-02T06:11:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure what is happening right now…things feel different - very different, but nothing’s really changed. I’m still me, I’m still stretching myself – walking closer to the edge I think (my edge - remember it’s all relative). Perhaps the difference is that the edge is a little further out and old anxieties are giving way to a much more natural adventurous spirit. I don’t seem to be 'intending' as much, just doing and acting on instinct. I’ve always processed life in this order: No, Maybe, Yes. Perhaps the difference now is the scarcity of ‘No’ and the briefness of ‘Maybe’. Still mulling this over, but I like it.

I’m fully owning that World-at-my-Fingertips attitude – funny how it seems to appear when you least expect it. Could I have found it elsewhere? Absolutely, but within me are places that have always beckoned…New York is one of them. I still wonder if I’ll ever live here. I’m pretty surprised at how comfortable this crowded, noisy, jumbled, melting pot of the world is to me. What an enormous thrill to go from tentative, cautious Zan to vibrant, living Zan. The best thing that I’ve discovered is that with every major adventure, I get to keep this emotional freedom…my journey becomes me, and for that I’m so grateful.

So what’s the difference here, in New York? I tend to hate and avoid crowds when I’m at home. Yet in New York I can hardly wait to get out on the streets. I hate public transportation in California but getting on the commuter train and then on the subway gives me such a thrill. Why? Compared to New York City, California seems so surface and flat to me, and here I feel like I am responding to the depth and rawness of Manhattan. It’s precisely that which is calling to me. It is the depth that I have been longing for.

Lobby of the Plaza Hotel

Of course, Manhattan isn’t all raw and primal, but it’s total immersion into life. It is a town that does not hesitate and waits for no one. It was the best of times (having a snowball fight in the lobby of the Waldorf Astoria years ago) it was the worst of times (getting mugged in the garment district – also years ago). But New York is pulsating with life…with survival…with a drive that I rarely experience from others. I am thriving here.

Rooftop bar at the Peninsula Hotel

I can relax here too…maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I’m naïve and too open, but I am alive. Here in the midst of all this commotion I can sit and feel the energy rushing through me. Here I am home, at least for a few more days.

Thought Jam

2010-06-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting here staring at the blank page trying unsuccessfully to remember that great opening line that popped into my head during the long trip back from Coney Island to Westchester. It eludes me at the moment because there is so much packed into my recent memories that I can hardly remember what I did 2 days ago. Thought

Jam.

I’m a bit rusty at being able to go non-stop…it really is something that you work up to isn’t it? Little by little we add each small thing to our proverbial plates until one day we discover that there’s no more room left. I’ve been pleasantly surprised this last week to find that 1) the amount of activity on this trip feels like a lot, and 2) I can still manage most of it with joy and enthusiasm (sore feet and high humidity not-withstanding).

I used to be able to multitask with the best of them. In fact, my M.O. was to always have too much going on. It was probably a defensive tactic to help me avoid what I was supposed to be dealing with, but I was one of those busy, productive, go, go, go types that never said no. Until the right set of circumstances aligned in my life, and I just simply said ‘enough…I’m done.’

I walked away from everything and started over with no plans except to follow my own instincts (affectionately known as my gut). With so much emptiness, I’ve really taken my time to add anything back into my life. While it’s easier to mindlessly accept what life hands you (especially when you’re overwhelmed with busyness), it’s infinitely more difficult to let go once you’ve held it. Simplicity demands space, so I notice, I feel, I experience and I release. Living simple and as free as possible, I’m not locked in to one lifestyle so I can enjoy several.

This trip to New York has really allowed me to acknowledge just how well I’ve created a balanced life. I’m busy here. Busier than I usually am but it feels so perfect—something to embrace rather than avoid. Who knew that if I just opened up space I could experience more without having to hang on to it? Less really is more.

Hooray for me: I’ve scaled down so much that I crave excitement rather than crave solitude and serenity. That’s a perfect switch for me. That is just one of the many things I am grateful for.

Summer Time and the Livin' is Easy

2010-06-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Little snippets of big fun have been a blast—a few hours here and there of excitement mixed with down time for writing, visiting or walking; an introvert’s dream vacation. Lots to do and experience, but it isn’t non-stop and exhausting.

Went sailing yesterday…God how I love the wind in my face, racing across the water boat keeling slightly as we picked up wind in our sails. If you know anything about me and water, you know I was in heaven….but it got better than that because on the distance I could see the skyline of Manhattan—that gave me an incredible rush. I’m always so blown away by how prominent the city is and how close all-things-natural are. It really is the best of both worlds here.

There is little more exciting than being invited into someone’s home for an evening of fun. Local color took on new meaning at Zarela Martinez’ home. There was an array of Mexican folk art everywhere you look—even the hidden mural at the back of the garden captivated ones imagination.

The night was a fund raiser for the Food Is Art movement that Zarela is part of and she sponsored the magnificent cooking of Susana Trilling of Oaxaca. Such an array of taste delights as each new botana (snack) came out of the kitchen.

As I mingled with the guests we swapped stories of our respective hometowns—most were from the East coast, but several were from Mexico and of course, there was me, the lone Californian. I met several guests that have visited my beloved Central Coast, so we chatted eagerly about the beauty of the area and the raw magnificence of the Pacific Ocean. Wild West is a befitting title for this area of the coast.

Playland Park is a touristy place filled with history and adventure where one can feel the presence of a time long ago. The boardwalks are rotting into huge splinters that threaten to slice open bare feet. The beaches are segregated into expensive beach and poor beach—I couldn’t see much difference in the people or the quality of the area, but one is definitely more pricey than the other. Coming from California, the idea of paying to find one’s place in the sun seems foreign but I’m told it pretty much a given in this area…. And there was the nations oldest amusement park complete with roller coasters and midways to spend ones money and dream of winning the big prize.

There are swans everywhere you look—again common-place for the Rye folk, but a visual surprise for me. This guy was swimming around with his foot angled over his back that convinced me it was damaged…I felt so sorry for the beautiful bird as he drifted and bobbed in the water. A Canadian Goose came along and goosed him which brought the swan standing on the rocks with both feet (faker) flapping his wings to re-establish his place in his little micro habitat.

I’ve found that mixing the excitement of the city with the serenity of nature is giving me a blend of adventure with enough downtime that I am completely ready for the next exciting thing to do…this afternoon will be spent in Toloache’s (251 W 50^th Street) as we watch the world cup and root for Mexico…can you imagine how the place will explode if Mexico wins?

Nada Bartender

2010-06-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

Touch Nightclub, NYC, was packed with people sipping spirits at the Indy Spirits Show, a once a year New York event filled with small independent distillers showing off their wares. My friend asked me to help out with a new brand, and what’s not to like about being part of something like that? When I’m in New York I have this magical ‘try anything’ attitude so I jumped in without hesitating. For just one night I was to become the 'brand ambassador' of a new Vodka called Nada Red.

I was charged with mixing the Nada Berry Red cocktail developed by Barbara Sweetman of Scorpion Mezcal fame.. A squirt of this, a dash of that, add some agave syrup a shot of pomegranate juice and a few measures of Nada Red Vodka ~ shaken, not stirred, and you have a drink that was getting raves and disappearing from the tray faster than I could make them. I’m not a bartender even after countless shakers full, but I loved every minute of the night.

Dressed as a Comrade (loved my hat), my attire drew as many questions as my drink. Reminiscent of USSR’s old hammer and sickle, the new logo sported a hammer and red star. That’s because it’s a California distilled vodka…and organic, to boot, and its smooth taste not-with-standing, the real star of the night was the philosophy behind the brand.

Nada Red Vodka donates their proceeds to underdeveloped countries that are committed to embracing freedom. They provide funds for various institutions that focus on the needs of their children. It seems like a way for this American company to give back to the roots of vodka.

Set in the glitz of New York City, pulsating with lively music flowing through three stories of nightclub, the Nada Red Vodka was at home, as I was. We are both Southern California ladies, we are both smooth and appealing in our own way, and we are both committed to providing a better life for the children of the world. It was a good night.

*The following information was pulled straight from their website @nadared.com

The mission of nadared organization is to provide direct humanitarian aid to people in the oppressive political regions in the world. Through the profits of nadared vodka we support orphanages and freedom rights institutions in “Red” Countries by providing financial and material help directly to the ones who need it, without third party involvement.

Due to a safety of institutions and people who cooperate with nadared international we don’t disclose their names and addresses.

Next Stop: New York

2010-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

Today is an overcast Summer Solstice day but it’s also ‘push day’ for me….finishing up all the loose ends to have the house ready for out-of-town friends to hang out at my place for two weeks. I’m so lucky to live in a place that people want to vacation at…it wasn’t hard to find someone who would come to stay and watch my precious Isaac and enjoy the spectacular view for a couple of weeks. . . It’s a win-win for all of us!!

Next stop New York. Stay Tuned for pictures and stories as I explore the culinary/visual/historical delights of the East coast…along with my dear friends—who could ask for more?

Cleaning Up the Mind: by guest poet Bob Luckin

2010-06-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Gave up fat thoughts

Some skinny ones

Hand me down thoughts

Thoughts with sharp edges

Gave up worried thoughts

Fear-full thoughts

Late night thoughts

Deep fried thoughts of shame and failure

Circular thoughts that rob me of sleep

Thoughts that make no daylight sense

Gave up defensive thoughts

Thoughts of war and thoughts of gore

Thoughts of getting even

Victory thoughts making other people losers

I gave up a belief that all beliefs are permanent

Cleared out black and white thinking

Made room for sparkling dreams in color

Found a small dirty bag of fear and loathing

Don’t know where it came from

Turned it into compost

Dumped an old box of prejudice

Never did have a use for it

Gave up some indifference

Thought twice about ambivalence

Found some unused courage

Created a space to laugh and cry

Micro-waved a pound of half-baked ideas

Sold another pound on E-Bay

Turned in beliefs that didn’t belong to me

Gave away thoughts designed to make me look good

Made a lot more room for love

The work goes on

Still cleaning up the mind

Thank you Bob, for this humorous yet powerful reminder of what we hang on to and what we need to let go of. For more about Bob Luckin, see him on Facebook

Note to all: PRINT THIS PAGE, HIGHLIGHT A THOUGHT EACH DAY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET RID OF. You can, you know....it's all about letting go.

Alive With All That Life Gives Me

2010-06-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Carla Blazek wrote a blog post about feeling vibrant. I won’t go into her details, but you can (and should) read it at your leisure here. As with all good writing, the author’s words take on unique meanings for each reader, and can spark thoughts into a different territory altogether. Carla’s post led me to travel a curious path between what feels like realism and faith, seemingly contradictory viewpoints, but my journey has led me to believe that I can have both.

My faith in my dreams is never ending, but sometimes it wavers due to the circumstances of life. If I took my less than strong conviction and believed them to be reality, I would throw in the towel on some days…but I don’t. I have faith that the feelings of doubt and insecurities will pass and I will get back on track to working my true dream…the life that gives me purpose and passion. It’s not about the destination, but it’s all about the journey.

But Carla addressed the issue of vibrancy which made me wonder how often I feel vibrant, and how important is that feeling to me? And I do feel vibrant….just not with any consistency. Alive? Always, but being alive doesn’t mean being vibrant. I cannot fathom feeling vibrant all the time…good Lord it seems exhausting if I really think about it. I would rather have those glorious peaks of vibrancy to carry me through what will likely be a complex journey into the world of Zan. That’s my special place and sometimes I am so tickled by who I am I just bubble over with vibrancy…but other times I am deep in thought as I sort through all the twists and turns my mind takes.

I may not be vibrant all the time, but I am alive with passion for my journey. This is likely a matter of semantics, but I feel there is a difference between being alive with all that life has to give and being vibrant. One feels all-encompassing and the other feels transient. I truly feel alive even at my lowest points, and this is what I value. Taking all that life gives me, creating what I can from it, and staying in the now—where-ever that may be. That’s life on my terms.

Adventurous, Spontaneous Impulses

2010-06-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

My sense of adventure can be rather simple. Some days I desire to act on spontaneous impulses more than planned, elaborate adventures. This weekend was filled with spontaneous joys.

I visited a glorious garden at Heart’s Ease in Cambria, CA that was small in size, but big on surprise. There were nooks and crannies at every turn beckoning visitors further into a world of abundant color and heady aromas. This was a place that truly inspired one to stop and smell the roses, and how often do we really do that in our busy days?

I originally went there to scout out a possible location for a photo shoot to spruce up my website, and I wasn’t disappointed. I had a good time trying out the different spots in the garden that said ‘sit awhile and enjoy the day’. Inspired by spontaneity, I also snuck under over-grown parts of the garden to explore the way-back areas up close. There’s nothing that says adventure like forging a path to the unexplored (no, I didn’t harm any plants along the way).

And the adventurous spirit wasn’t done there. We headed back home and made another adventurous stop at Giovanni’s Fish Market. What to choose from their wonderful array of fresh catch? Shellfish seemed to call to me all weekend: shrimp, bay scallops, oysters…and oh, let me tell you about the oysters!! As we were leaving the market excited about the meal to come, we passed a young man grilling oysters for sale, complete with a variety of intriguing sauces. Had I been in a less adventurous mood I might have passed this by, and, in fact, we were 10 steps away when we realized that now was the time to try them… not later, not someday, but now.

Oh My God! What a taste delight. The oysters were done to perfection, the sauces added a spicy kick and the liquor remaining in the shell was to die for. And to think, I almost passed this up!

This weekend was a joy for me; totally free-spirited and unplanned ~ truly spontaneous. Yes, soon I will be exploring the delights of New York and other Eastern seaboard areas, and next year I plan to zip line in Costa Rica, but for my everyday life right now, spontaneity is the spirit in my heart that lets me know that I am participating in life, not just going thorough the motions.

To Abby Sunderland ~ Wild Eyes

2010-06-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

There are no guarantees in life. Safety is an illusion, and sometimes you have to do the impossible to begin living.

Abby Sunderland showed the world a miracle. Not that she survived, not that our prayers reached her, not that a 16 year old girl can tackle a daunting challenge alone. No, the miracle Abby showed us is that preparation counts for a lot, but letting go is everything. Abby and her family learned how to let go of fear and do it anyway. They prepared in everyway conceivable to mitigate the danger, but they supported her dreams.

I know a bit about fear and dreams. I’ve worked with kids who are so balled up inside that their fear drives their choices. Some of those kids turn to drugs and alcohol and a variety of risky behaviors. I myself wasn’t able to get out of my own fear for decades before I committed to letting go of fear and begin living my dreams.

If we let go of our dreams and hang on to fear, we die a slow, painful death--we may be physically safe, although I doubt that too, but we are mentally dying every single, painful day. But maybe, if we let go of fear and hang on to our dreams instead we will survive to have another dream. The choice is ultimately ours.

As a parent I cannot fathom losing a child. I put myself in Abby’s parents place: would I, could I support my child to attempt such a dangerous thing? I’d like to think that I would have the courage to let him go…to accept that losing his life while living his dream would be far better than watching him turn away from living because of fear. Some of us will lose our children...what solace will we have if we cannot tell ourselves that they were living the life of their dreams? No, there are no guarantees in life--only the belief that we must follow our own North star and live life in accordance to what works for us.

We’re not all cut out to be so spectacularly brave, but we are each cut out to find and live our dreams to our best ability. Hooray for Abby for discovering this so young. Hooray for her parents for knowing that this is something she had to do, and that to deny her was to harm her. Courage does not mean the absence of fear. Courage means feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

The Stand-up Bass and the Soul

2010-06-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

There are certain sounds that go deep into a place inside of me that I can’t even describe, but it’s good. It’s very, very good. Hearing a bluesy saxophone often does that to me, and last night I found out that the stand up bass guitar can do that as well. The player was adept at many instruments as he went through his repertoire of songs, but something changed dramatically when he picked up his stand-up bass. He came to life as he played. I felt sorry for any woman in his life, because it was so obvious that this instrument was his true love and we, the audience was privy to this most intimate dance and love affair.

It was almost primal, certainly passionate and probably adept, but what I heard last night went beyond skill. The player and the instrument drew me in, cradled me in passion while strumming a connection with my soul.

Everything changes when skill transcends into passion. The player becomes one with the instrument and the listener’s soul becomes part of the ménage a trois; souls dancing together on the notes, oblivious to anything but the rhythm of the strings and the sensuousness of the vibration of the melody.

Self Indulgence or Self Growth?

2010-06-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

I’m a fixer and a doer. I’ve been in some sort of a coach/counselor position all my life. People come to me for answers; I help people. Tell me you have a problem and I’m way ahead of you, formulating a question. No, I don’t do things for people; instead, I help them find their own truth. That’s my job, that’s what I do…it’s a story that all begins with you.

But this has to stop. I don’t want to focus on you anymore…I want to focus on me. I want to tell you my story, for my own personal reasons. Not for your personal growth, but for mine. I need to be open and honest with myself and others and this leg of my journey is now all about me.

The ultimate truth is I have no answers for you. Hell, I hardly have answers for me; questions seem far more salient right now. There are important things that I know. I just haven’t put them to words yet, and this is taking far more energy than I first realized would happen. It has been both wondrous and exhausting exploring my inner works.

I have turned my trained ear toward myself and I’m listening, really listening to what I have to say. Then I’m asking more questions and listening again. I am my client, and I’m working very hard for me. It’s as it should be.

That doesn’t mean I have nothing for you. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish all the best for you. That doesn’t mean I won’t reach out and lend a helping hand now and then…it means I need to be here for myself first. I cannot give what I don’t have, and I don’t have the answers…only questions; but here’s an interesting outcome that’s been developing from this inner journey of mine— my story is resonating with some of you and, you too, have begun to focus on your own inner world. You are beginning to ask yourself important questions and delve deeper into the story that is you…and, yes, you are even beginning to rewrite your story.

You are the only one with the answers for you…no one can give them to you, but someone else’s words just might open a new door just a crack for you to see that there is a light shining inside of a wonderful place you have never been before and you realize it’s time to go there.

Simplicity at Work

2010-06-02T09:22:00.000-07:00

I’m tired, I have a headache and a sore throat, I’m behind schedule, I’ve let some friends down, my car is in the shop getting emergency repairs and will take 4 figures to get it out…. I find myself just staring out the window in a daze.

Then I switched things around and thought about all the things that are going right in my reality and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Sometimes it’s just that simple.

Embracing the Positive Side of Introversion

2010-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Introversion is not a disease to be cured. Rather, it is a personality trait with many positive qualities to it. Yet many introverts in our extroverted society feel at odds with their innate nature. They have come to believe that they are less-than, and not good enough because they do not fit comfortably into the norms of society. With a little understanding and nurturing, however, most introverts can embrace the many positive qualities they were born with. Qualities such as creativity, problem solving, and leadership are what most introverts are born with and what makes them so integral to our world.

Creativity

Introverts use their brains differently than extroverts. Brain scans show that there is more activity in the introvert's frontal lobes-the area where problem solving and long-term memory retrieval take place-which suggests they are thinking deeply all the time. Albert Einstein is perhaps one of the most famous of all introverts. His ability to think creatively and outside the box provided the platform to fully use his genius. Introverts are stimulated by complex thoughts and excel in creative thinking and creative endeavors.

Problem Solving

Introverts are also the natural problem solvers of the world. They would rather grapple with finding solutions to complex problems than spend time at a social event. While they may seem too deep or introspective to their extroverted counterparts, their ability to focus, and their natural desire to see every side of any given problem, helps them to be thought leaders in innovation.

Leadership

It's lonely at the top. Leadership is often a solitary pursuit. Solitude, of course, is something that introverts are very comfortable with. This, combined with an inner self-reliance that is not dependent on outside opinion, makes the introvert prime leadership material.

Introverts naturally think outside of the box to create, problem solve, and lead. For any introvert to feel less-than or that they don't fit in is a tragedy for they are the true thinkers of the world. Action without thought could dangerously approach chaos. Thought without action becomes stagnant. Even though the nation celebrates the extrovert's personality, it would be a sad day indeed to not celebrate and embrace the many strengths of the introvert.

(Reprint from an article first published on EzineArticles.com

To read more articles like this click here )

Photo by Sean Hickin

The Big Ah-Ha

2010-05-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

While working on a chapter in my book I think I stumbled on a big ah-ha moment for me. I’ve always been puzzled by how drawn to I am to certain places…especially big, noisy, crowded places. The two that I long for most are New York and Rome. When I think of them I get homesick. I’ve never lived in either place, but I ache to go back.

I’m an introvert, right? I’m supposed to prefer the quiet serenity of small towns. I’m supposed to gravitate to cozy rather than chaos. And it’s true, I usually avoid crowds and noise, but today I realized that what I’ve really been avoiding is antipathy and meanness.

When I travel I get certain vibes from places. That gut feeling that tells me ‘stay awhile’, or ‘get gas and get out as fast as you can’. I think too many places in this world have no soul, or have become so hardened by the circumstances of their history that they have no heart left. These places exude mediocrity, antipathy and meanness. That is what I’m avoiding. The collective mindset that accepts that has shut down—it ceases to live and only exists—it’s traded its soul for survival.

When I’m in New York or Rome it’s precisely the frenetic energy that excites me. These places exude passion; passion for life, for art and yes, even for survival. Passion is heavy in the air, you can feel it caress you as you stand still on the corner, or bombard you as you enter the fray.

So today I realize I’ve been avoiding crowds because they aren’t the right crowds. I crave passion—that ability to fully embrace the moment and Feel It All—to hell with being safe.

Baby Steps or Giant Leaps. . . It's a Victory

2010-05-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

It’s pretty remarkable to get lost in another’s words. Basking in the warmth of someone else’s joy is palpable. Years ago an ex boyfriend walked through my doorway. We had lost touch with each other for quite a while, and here he was standing in my living room. No big deal right? Unless you know that he was in a car accident just months before that left him paralyzed; the doctors said he would never walk again. Yet, here he was, walking through my door, standing with only a cane for support, beaming like a triumphant kid.

I was flooded with joy for his victory. Not often do we hear true triumph over adversity, true determination over circumstances, and true pride in ones accomplishments. His story was pretty clear—he obviously did not cave in to the expectations of others. He obviously listened to his own counsel and did what only he knew how to do.

I heard another story of victory the other night. One far less dramatic, but, to me just as powerful. It was a story about self-discovery: finding out who you are, where you fit, and where you want to go. I was enjoying that same feeling of joy listening to my new friend’s successes. You see, when we are handed an event that changes our life, we might be able to rally and deal with the circumstances, but if we’re handed a bunch of small events that ultimately deliver us into adulthood confused and constricted, the true triumph is in each baby step toward clarity and personal growth.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…even a baby step will do.

Waste Not, Want Not

2010-05-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve been writing a lot of articles lately. The syntax and grammar is quite different than how I compose my blog posts. I’m always a bit more formal and informational when I write articles about introversion. They are fun to research and bring together, and I’ve been getting great feedback, which is always nice (thank you, thank you), but I really miss putting my random thoughts down on paper (so to speak). My articles are for you dear reader, my blog is for me…but you’re always welcome along on my journey as I seek to define, refine, and embrace my Adventurous Introvert within.

Some days I get it just right, and other days I’m walking around with question marks floating above my head…seriously, I swear they’re visible at times. Today I’m blessed with inspiration and creativity. You know what they say, “waste not, want not”.

Trapped in an Introvert’s Body

2010-05-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am an extravagant, flamboyant, passionate woman who is trapped inside an introvert’s body. This is not all bad.

My natural inclination to think things through gives me just enough pause to usually save myself from nasty consequences. My innate reticence normally keeps my mouth in check as I prefer to hear my words first in my mind before uttering some poorly chosen phrase that I have to take back or explain.

But sometimes…just sometimes I long to throw caution to the wind.
Photo: Kevin N. Murphy

The Wounded Introvert

2010-05-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

We all have wounds from childhood, some deeper and more life altering than others. Young, inexperienced minds do not have the ability to understand the adult world filled with subtleties and hidden meanings. This inability can easily lead to misinterpretation, faulty beliefs, limiting behaviors and emotional wounds that are carried into adulthood.

Misinterpretations

A child is unable to separate who they are from what they do. When told that they did a bad thing they might easily interpret the words to mean they are a bad person. Hearing that a cherished pet was 'put to sleep' can cause a life-long battle with insomnia. Adults, in an effort to help children grow strong and happy, often want the child to do things differently; "Don't be so shy" they admonish; "It's not healthy to spend so much time alone. Go outside and play" they insist.

All these words of encouragement can actually imply to the child that their innate nature is wrong. These seem like simple words but they are loaded with nuances that a child does not understand without further explanation. Growing up, there are numerous opportunities for a child to misinterpret what he sees and hears. Coupled with the inward, sensitive nature of introverts, such individuals are highly susceptible to lasting emotional wounds and scars.

Faulty Beliefs

We develop our belief systems by making sense of our world as we know it whether we have correct information or not. Introverts of all ages process thoughts deeply. Words are often taken literally, and if our mind doesn't have the mature vocabulary and life experiences to interpret the words correctly, we simply create our own form of reality which becomes a belief system about ourselves. An introvert's natural tendency to figure things out first, and talk second makes this situation even more dangerous to their emotional well-being as they are not likely to talk things through with an adult.

Limiting Behaviors

Not all introverts develop deep emotional wounds; however, those without the necessary support system are more likely to have deeper wounds and scars than most. These are the individuals that have created behaviors based on their misperceptions and inner wounds. Limiting behaviors such as shyness, social anxiety, and failure to try new things are not uncommon for wounded introverts.

As with any injury, the healing process depends on the depth of the wound and the scarring that has taken place over time. It is sometimes helpful to go back to the original injury and reprocess it from an adult perspective. There might be a forehead slapping 'ah-ha' moment when we realize that our behaviors stem from a single event in our childhood; but it's more likely that the single event has turned into a convoluted, spider-web effect on our behaviors. One thing leads to a certain belief, which leads to a particular behavior, which gives rise to another belief and behavior pattern until we are fully enmeshed in a world of behaviors that we neither like nor understand.

Emotional Wounds

Most of us have self concepts-self esteem-that developed in our childhood from misinformation and lack of understanding of the world as we knew it. Such faulty beliefs can create emotional wounds that stunt our ability to fully use our skills and talents as adults.

Behaviors are learned and can therefore be unlearned. If your belief system has created behaviors that are getting in the way of what you want in life, spend some time discovering where the behavior originated. It might be an involved process but well worth the journey once you're ready to let go and consciously create a new belief system-complete with behaviors-based on who you really are and the value you bring to this world.

(This is a reprint article from an article that first appeared on ezinearticles.com http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Wounded-Introvert&id=4308867 )

Remembering the Future

2010-05-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have to forget what you know, to remember who you are supposed to be. Why is it that the simplest concepts can be the hardest to attain? We all know intuitively what our higher good is, but we have become practiced at rationalizing it and morphing it through our intellect so that we don’t recognize it.

Maybe it's time to forget what you know and just remember the future.

Real Love

2010-05-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

True love begins with the self. If you love yourself unconditionally then the opinions of others will have no power over you. Their words cannot build you up or tear you down. That is the only time that you can, in turn, love others unconditionally. That is real love, pure and simple.

Choose Your Partners Carefully

2010-05-10T03:24:00.000-07:00

I went to a Salsa Dancing lesson this weekend. I was already primed from my Mojito night on Tuesday, Cinco de Mayo Wednesday, followed by Paella night on Thursday….it was a very Latin week for me, so Salsa just made sense, si?

Here’s what I noticed. All of the students were trying really hard. Extreme concentration was apparent on our faces as we counted steps to get the rhythm down. As beginners, nothing came easy. We weren’t into the flow of it, and felt a bit like fish out of water. No big deal, we told ourselves, we were beginners. No one expected us to know what we were doing, and we were having fun anyway.

Eventually some more experienced dancers showed up and I found that when they were my partners, my level was brought up…I felt a little more fluid and coordinated. When we switched partners, I was back to counting steps again—unsure of myself; not finding my rhythm.

And that’s when it hit me….Salsa dancing is just like life. Your level of comfort and ability depends on who you choose to ‘dance’ with. If you associate with people who are unsure or confused, you will probably feel that way too, and while misery loves company, it’s not the best way to grow. Choose your partners well…make sure their playing level brings you higher, and stretches you. If you find you are a bit stagnant…go find some new partners to play with and see how you feel about life; see how you feel about yourself; see just how much more into the rhythm of life you are.

Saying No

2010-05-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

Much of my life was spent saying ‘no’ to life. Sometimes it was the right thing to do, sometimes it was the convenient thing to, but always it was a choice made from fear.

I don’t know how I became so fearful, but I do know it became a habit—a lifestyle; a way of living; a way of pretending I was comfortable. “No” first, always. Then I learned to say “Maybe”. Ah, I was getting closer, but not a lot more comfortable. You see, my instincts were still “no”, I had simply developed the skill to not act on my instincts.

You can imagine my joy when I recently realized that ‘no’ isn’t my first instinct anymore. Excitement is: “What’s the adventure?”, “What’s the fun?”, “What’s the juiciness?” My desire to truly jump into life feet first without brakes, or carefully scripted plans is taking forefront to my style of living, and I like it!!

I’m learning to be wild without being reckless; limitless without being disengaged; passionate without proscribed boundaries. I don’t want the calm side of the street. I want to walk on the wild side, I want to taste forbidden fruit, I want to fully immerse myself into the juiciness of the unknown.

Do I still have issues? Yep. Do I still have to navigate around unpleasant stuff? Yep again. Am I still an introvert--quiet and reserved? Absolutely!! But now, I seem to exquisitely relish the experience of my journey. Now I fully embrace what comes my way…the good, the bad, the ugly. Today I am living, I am free, and I am saying ‘yes’ to it all.

10 Websites an Introvert Should Visit

2010-05-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

1. PERSONALITY TYPES

http://www.knowyourtype.com/introversion.html

Myers-Briggs Personality tests available instantly along with profile report (for a fee).

If you know your Myers-Briggs type, this site describes the general traits of introversion as well as the 8 subcategories of introversion (no charge)

2. HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON

http://www.hsperson.com/

Elaine Aron believes that approximately 20% of the population are highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of those, only about 30% are extroverts. It stands to reason that if you are an introvert, it’s likely you could be an HSP as well. Aron’s books and the noted website are a treasure chest chock full of information for you.

3.QUOTES TO INSPIRE CREATIVITY

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_creativity.html

Introverts are such deep thinker that their creativity is sometimes locked inside of their mind. These quotes inspire one to take action and embrace creativity.

4. MEDITATION AND RELAXATION

http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm

Meditation Room, sponsored by Loyola University, Maryland, has MP3 meditation downloads for relaxation. Many to choose from— all instantly available for free.

5. FOOD ALLERGIES AND SENSITIVITIES

http://www.medicinenet.com/food_allergy/article.htm

Given the changes in our food production, food allergies and sensitivities are becoming more and more common. Find out if and how they affect you…especially your moods.

6. EXERCISE

http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/04/06/exercise-therapy-for-depression/12627.html

This article explores the advantages of exercise therapy for those dealing with depression and other mental health issues.

7. YOU TUBE

Just when you thought you were different!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzctcWJZ9DU&feature=related

And that nobody loves you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0nuNuFbanA

Who can keep a straight face with these guys around?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yE6PNps5N9I&feature=fvsr

8. MENTAL CHALLENGES

http://www.latimes.com/games/

Because you love mental challenges this site is filled with brain games.

9. JOURNALING

http://www.livejournal.com/tour/journal.bml

Tip: I have not tried this website, but it has been recommended to me. The beauty in web-based journaling is that you have access to your diary anywhere there is internet service, and you NEVER have to worry about someone finding your journal and reading it.

10. GUIDED WRITING RESOURCES

http://www.zanpackard.com

Find more guided journaling resources to keep your pen moving and your journey rich and full.

Til Vacation Do Us Part?

2010-04-28T16:51:00.001-07:00

Introversion and extroversion are personality traits. They are pretty much what we are born with and cannot be significantly changed. Extremes of both traits are virtually complete opposites. Since your inherent needs are so vastly different, can you, the introvert, hope to successfully vacation with an extrovert?

Yes, and no. There are so many variables at play, but the bottom line is this: it depends on your expectations. If you are dreaming of days lounging on the beach with your greatest exertion being to lift a finger and signal for another Mai Tai, and your partner’s is to explore the mysteries of the island leaving no stone unturned then you might be headed for a vacation meltdown.

There are strategies that can help with this however. Just putting your expectations out on the table before the reservations are even booked is a big step. Understanding your own personal limitations is another. That is probably more difficult for those of us who like to pretend we don’t have any limitations…but that’s a story for another day.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. I love watching sports on TV—not all, but most—however I rarely plan my day around them. A friend and I went on a long weekend skiing holiday. We’d done this before, so I pretty much knew what to expect…or so I thought. What I didn’t realize is that he was a college football fan. I’m not, so it didn’t dawn on me that he was. It turns out that we scheduled our ski weekend during some sort of college championship (forgive me for not knowing the major events of college football). To my horror, he couldn’t be budged from the TV after a day of skiing. That meant no strolling through the fantasy lit streets of the romantic ski village. No eating at new and intriguing restaurants, and no night skiing. I was pissed. We fought like cats and dogs and neither one of us enjoyed our brief adventure.

Here’s how it could have happened though. Had I known what his priorities were, and had he known that I had no interest in them, we could have made compromises and alternate plans. As an introvert, I certainly have no trouble roaming a charming ski village on my own. I might have even compromised with a dinner at a sports bar. There were a multitude of things we could have done to each have it a little bit our way. But not knowing each other’s expectations, we were pretty much shot down before we even left the driveway.

How sad we didn’t know. How sad that we now look upon that adventure as the weekend from hell—sometimes shortened to The Weekend. Yes, we’re still friends; wiser, kinder, and more understanding. I still dislike college football, I just make sure not to go anywhere with him during the playoffs/championship unless I’m totally happy adventuring out on my own. Which, I must admit isn’t a bad way to go either.

More vacation strategies can be found in my recent article "The Introvert's Survival Guide--Vacationing with an Extrovert"

Sometimes It’s Good to be Bad

2010-04-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I need a break from being me. I always have my very carefully scripted To-Do list that I follow, as if the list is in charge of me. I’m very good when it comes to accomplishing things. But every once in a while I want to be bad; to NOT do what I’m supposed to and just go where spirit takes me. Spirit’s been whispering in my ear a lot lately.

The energy of the full moon sang to me last night, and I listened. I put aside what I was working on and heeded the call to connect with the moon’s spirit. What did I do? I went out, rain and all, and found my secret garden. I sat there enveloped in the chilly night air and let the rain cleanse me of all the ‘busy’ energy that I have been acquiring. Last night I was free of plans and action. Last night I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to… I was laughing in the rain, and it was good.

My Succulent Garden

2010-04-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

My favorite words lately are ones like juicy, wild, succulent, voluptuous, and adventurous. What rich images these words bring to mind—almost primal. One can easily imagine themselves fully immersed in life upon hearing these words.

If I were using them to describe food your mouth would be watering right now wouldn’t it? But what if I use these words to describe life? Sounds exciting, yes? Until recently I was always just a bit reserved using them because they seem larger than life; they seem outward and fully immersed and smack-dab in the thick of things. That doesn’t seem very introverted does it? So I wonder, is a wild, juicy, and succulent life not possible for the introvert? Hardly. It’s not about what you do, or what others see, but all about your attitude toward life.

I grew up on the beach. I have full, rich memories of spending every summer day in the sand taunting the waves, side-stepping the rotting sea weed and collecting the abandoned sand crab shells. Still, in my mind, I can run with wild abandon and jump through the foamy water’s edge. I can scramble across jetties and laugh with the seagulls for I have the ability to take my thoughts just a bit deeper each time I remember. If that isn’t juicy and wild I don’t know what is.

I may not show my deep, voluptuous side to the world at large, but it’s there in moments of rich thought that seeps into every cell of my body. My wild and juicy moments give life to creative endeavors, and adventurous spirit. Succulent? Well, I have that too in my wonderful garden filled with them!

Live Deeply and Richly

2010-04-19T06:41:00.001-07:00

Most of us spend too much time on the surface of life. We tell ourselves we don’t have enough time to go deeply, or we’re too confused and don’t know the answers, or simply that it’s too much to deal with. Mostly, though, I think it’s about not knowing how to deal with our feelings. But here’s the trouble with that: our life becomes flat and dull. We miss out on all the richness of living deeply. Sure, sometimes that richness is cloaked in pain and heartache, but living deeply is where the juiciness is. It’s where the lusciousness of our everyday lives is.

A friend of mine shared with me about a very scary health issue she recently dealt with. How in the world, I wondered, does one cope with something like that; one day you’re ‘you’ and the next day you’re thrown into the abyss of darkness and fear? She said that from that point on, she knew that everything about her life had to shift. She learned to let go of all that wasn’t essential to her, and bring to her all that was.

She told me how she learned to go deep into the pain and fear and embrace it. Embrace it, she clarified, not wallow in it. Wallowing brings on a ‘poor me/why me’ mentality, while embracing takes one into the richness of the experience. As she described how she embraced her journey into the unknown, I felt the hair on my arms prickle (that’s when I know I am hearing something important—go figure). I began to realize that she was able to live fully and richly not in spite of her condition, or because of her condition, but simultaneously alongside of her condition.

Few of us have been spared some sort of gut wrenching heartbreak in our life. Most of us look back and recognize the beauty we were able to eke out of that experience. That’s the embrace that I’m referring to. Learning to live deeply in the now will give you the richness right now, not later.

Living deeply and richly does not protect you from pain, or illness, or loss; but it does seem to protect you from fear. Sometimes stuff happens. Accepting what you’re given is more about attitude that anything else. You can choose to run and hide from life and live a flat existence, or you can embrace all that you’re given—the good the bad and the ugly—and live fully and deeply. Quiet those ‘yeah buts’ in your mind and breathe in all the richness that life is offering you right now. It’s your choice, it’s your life; how will you live it?

Solitude’s Slippery Slope

2010-04-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

When is solitude energizing and when is it isolating? Introverts enjoy and need a lot of solitude, yet it can be easy to slip into isolation if not careful. It’s almost as if there’s a fine line that gets crossed, and once the isolation starts it can be just as draining as not enough alone time.

Just as the extrovert can flame-out with too much activity, introverts can flame-out with not enough…don’t let isolation lead you down that slippery slope. Stay in tune with your energy reserves and preserve your balance, for this is how you will keep your energy flowing inward—right where the introvert needs it.

How will you stay in balance? Breathing. Take a moment several times a day to stop and do a ‘check in’. Notice if your body is feeling any tension or fatigue and just put your focus there for a moment as you take a few deep, cleansing breaths and let the tension go with your exhale. Next, consciously choose your thoughts--are they in alignment with your goals and desires?Very simple actions that realign your body and mind in harmony…it’s not magic, it’s habit. You create a habit the same way you break a habit…consciously and with practice.

“I Breathe in positive, purifying energy. . . I release stress and tension as I breathe out”

"I choose my thoughts carefully to be in alignment with who I am and what I want in life."

Simple Techniques, Powerful Results, Lifelong Journey.

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

2010-04-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

This week I’ve been very irritated with the way the world interprets introversion. As if it’s something that needs to be changed, or fixed, or overcome. BALDERDASH! I am not broken, I do not need to be fixed…there are plenty of things about myself to overcome but, introversion isn’t one of them.

The real question is: Why do I care? Why am I letting the thoughts and opinions of others get to me? If I were really at peace with my introverted personality traits, the opinions of others would roll off my back, right?

This week they haven’t. This week I have less tolerance for others. So I have to ask myself, what is it about ME that their opinion brings up? You see, it’s never about ‘them’…it’s always about my stuff. Not in an egotistical sort of way, but in a mirror sort of way. What I see in others is what I see in myself. Mirror, mirror on the wall…

When Will I Learn?

2010-03-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

“Dear Universe, I want a job that I can work from home, on my computer.”

Really? Is that what I asked for? No other parameters like, how much time spent, how much money made, how fulfilling it is, just the blanket request for work?

Wow. Careful what you ask for…it’s time for me to go back to the drawing board and get a bit more specific. I get so wrapped up in the big picture that sometimes I forget the details. Details like how many hours a day and how many days a week and just how much do I want to be compensated for…I only focused on that great vision of being able to work wherever my computer found a connection—think of the freedom, I thought! Think of the fun! Think of the adventure!

Well, that part is great, I'm not really complaining, but when will I ever learn to get really specific about what I want…really, really specific? It works, I know it does, so I’d better put my thinking cap on and begin to set some limits otherwise I will be working til the wee hours of the morning everyday and missing the real beauty of my life…the freedom to explore!

Dear Universe…..

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. " Helen Keller

2010-03-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

Introverts can be easily overwhelmed with too much stimuli and will often deny themselves opportunities to experience new and exciting things for this very reason. While that might seem like the prudent thing to do…conserve energy…it can actually lead to a severe energy drain caused by under-stimulation. As humans, we need a certain amount of excitement in our lives in order to stay involved and connected with our world. Without this excitement we begin to shut down and withdraw…which can become a serious pathway to depression.

As a very sensitive introvert, I effectively shut down for years. I craved exciting adventures but didn’t know how to manage them for my self. So like Helen Keller’s quote above, my life seemed ‘nothing at all’. Once I realized the complete prison I held myself in, I was able to begin breaking the chains of my shackles and begin living….really living.

Recharging and withdrawing are two different things, yet to the introvert they are closely linked by a fine line. In learning how to manage stimulus, the first step is to understand your unique needs. Chart your patterns of activity-to-energy ratios. Discover what gives you positive stimulus and negative stimulus. As an introvert, all stimuli will drain you, but experiencing positive excitement will help keep you connected without causing further tendency to withdraw, only to recharge.

The next step is to choose the correct stimulus (excitement/adventure), because it must fit with, not only your innate personality needs, but where you are in your personal journey as well. If your daily life is filled with a lot of stressors, then a little excitement stimulus goes a long way...learn to keep your balance. Yes, you can even learn to manage extreme excitement with a lot of planning and fore thought. So add your stimulus carefully, and well…not too much, not too little, but, as Goldie Locks says: “Just right!”

Air Quotes No Longer Needed

2010-03-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

When I talk about my Facebook friends, it’s usually with air quotes... you know, “friend”, and a little chagrin too wondering if I sound like that crazy cat lady. Well, I’d like you to meet my new FB friend, Sue Elliott, air quotes no longer needed. Sue lives in the Napa Valley—I love the Napa Valley. Sue writes an inspirational blog—I love inspirational blogs…but that’s only the beginning of this story.

I met Sue over brunch at Bank Bar in Napa. It was everything I expected it to be… I just knew. We became FB friends last year. We chatted via Wall Posts, Comments and Messages. All good, all fun, but last fall I had a gut feeling that I needed to connect with her face to face. Not surprisingly she agreed, and this weekend we made it happen on her turf, because I’m always up for an adventure.

She felt like an old friend from the moment we greeted. Our paths were different but somehow similar. We were kindred spirits long before we met. I could share with you the various conversations that consumed our short time together, because talk, we did—for three non-stop hours. But the conversation was secondary to the extraordinary energy that wrapped around us as new friends. Friends that would not have happened, had it not been for the internet and social media sites…the perfect medium for an introvert like me.

Where else can you meet with someone consistently on your time frame, in your comfort zone without sharing too much space and energy except you’re ready and willing? I’ve heard debates about how social network sites isolate us from the human connection…I find just the opposite. Without social network sites, those of us who are shy or reserved find it nearly impossible to generate new friends outside of our immediate circle. No, I do not use FB in place of friends, but I use it as a stepping stone to more involved, quality friendships. I certainly could never be with this large of a group of people so easily and happily in a physical space and time. And as with all social groups, I can enjoy many and cherish the few that I have been lucky enough to connect with deeply.

Sue, thank you for your friendship--from virtual to reality--and a fine adventure too.

My Life as an Introvert

2010-03-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Introverts are people who are energized by being alone and whose energies are drained by being around other people. They often avoid social situations for this very reason. Please note that they do not avoid social situations because they don’t like people….if the average introvert is like me, then they truly like people. Just not en masse, and not for extended periods of time. I don’t judge a social situation by who will be there or how fun it will be, but rather how easily I will be able to manage my energy during and after the event. I hate feeling left out, but I hate feeling overwhelmed and exhausted more...it seems it's always a fine line I walk.

I enjoy being alone as it gives me time to be with my thoughts. I am considered reserved and reflective. I take my time to formulate my thoughts before speaking them. I am often left out of conversations for this very reason. I am not shy, but I am ‘slow-to-warm’ when meeting new people. I prefer to have a few close friends rather than many. If I don’t get enough time to be reflective with my thoughts I get a bit grumpy and begin to shut down socially. In that way I can be a bit of a bear…when it’s time to hibernate, outta my way!

The need for small talk escapes me. I cannot fathom the fun in large, noisy parties. When I find myself in such social events, I’m usually the one in the corner or somewhere on the periphery. Feeling trapped scares the daylights out of me.

Am I a hostage to my personality traits? Not in the least. I know who I am and what to expect from my sensitivities. I am just an introvert…nothing more, nothing less. I am a problem solver and a free thinker. There's rarely a subject that doesn’t hold fascination for me…my mind never seems to shut down, and I prefer it that way. One of my greatest joys is finding the time to just take that mental journey into the unknown…

I have learned to embrace an adventurous attitude…the thrill of discovery is all around in the ordinary and the extraordinary. I seek the new, and the never seen in my everyday life. I require nothing but my imagination to amuse myself…well a bit of solitude and a distant, far-off horizon helps too. I am an introvert pure and simple. I am enough. I don’t dislike people, I just like being with myself more.

Are You an eSnob Too?

2010-03-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

I don’t understand the language of tweeting…the @, # and RT stuff. Yes, technically I know what they mean, but I’m just not sure how to use them or when, or why. Last week I wrongly attributed a quote to a Facebook friend. I thought the words of wisdom originated with her, but now I find that she was sharing what someone else had said. Apparently the quote about the more open you are, the better you can hide, was from @Stowe Boyd. (Sorry Juliette, I still think you’re awesome.)

Yes, I have a Twitter account and I do Tweet from it occasionally, mostly from Tweetdeck or Tweetlater, so I rarely go to my home page. It seems that my resistance to the whole thing has a bit of negative judgment attached. You see, I have 2,250 followers now….hah! Where did they come from, and why are they following me? And, be honest, who can consistently say anything meaningful in 140 characters or less? AND if that weren’t bad enough, when you do Tweet, it gets buried pretty darned fast in that sea of chatter…kind of like talking in a crowd of extroverts. It seems to me that Tweets are simply small-talk: Mindless chatter that translates to a waste of time. Am I an iSnob?

Does that mean that Twitter is mostly for extraverts and Facebook is the choice of introverts? Not sure yet…could simply be my quirks, and Lord knows I have a few. Would love to know how you feel about the different social media venues out there…Do you Tweet, Facebook? I know you read blogs since you’re reading this….what’s your favorite way to interact on the internet?

Social Camouflage for Introverts

2010-03-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

“The more open you are, the more you can hide.”

While I'm using this quote from media expert Juliette Powell out of context—as she was not referring to personality traits—it started me thinking in terms of introversion (of course). I believe that I’ve adopted this philosophy in my own way. My need for privacy is huge…and so I have learned the art of talking all day without really saying anything. No, not in a mindless, small-talk blather, but instead, I have a range of topics that I feel perfectly OK to openly share with anyone.

I’ve learned to take control of the conversation with this technique to avoid personal questions that I am uncomfortable fielding. Most people are happy just to have the air waves filled with words, and I have found that when I talk a lot no one seems to notice my inherent need for privacy. So in the words of Juliette Powell, yes, I can seem to be very open without alerting others that I am really giving nothing away.

It’s one of the social camouflages I use, which is probably why I hear “you don’t seem like an introvert to me” so often. The benefit of this strategy is that I appear fairly ‘extroverted’ in social gatherings, but downside is it takes so much energy to chatter away happily…it depletes me even faster than usual.

What do you think introverts…how often do you wear your camo?…and is it a good idea to ‘hide’ in the open once in a while?

(Juliette Powell, and her expertise, can be found on Facebook at www.facebook.com/juliettepowell)

At the End of My Rope...

2010-03-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

I was feeling ‘at the end of my rope’ the other day. It doesn’t really matter what the particular issues were. What does matter, however, was that intense feeling of frustration, locking me all up inside…then I realized that with each rope we come to the end of, we are offered choices of paths to take.

One popular saying is "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." But I had to wonder, am I so busy hanging on to the rope that I am totally missing the opportunities that are presenting themselves to me? And if that were true, just what did my rope look like and why was I so attached to it? Well, that’s less of a question because it’s pretty easy to dearly hang on to the known just to avoid the unknown. It’s what we call our comfort zone (no matter how uncomfortable it is).

Lately I’ve been drawn to stories and quotes about adventure…I know that adventure is less about climbing mountains and more about attitude and taking personal risks…especially emotional risks. I feel that I am, once again, on the precipice of another great leap in my life, for I have battled with this ‘end of my rope’ syndrome for months now. I’m not sure what my new direction will be, but the thing is, I can't go in a new direction until I'm ready to let go of the rope.

What ‘ropes’ are you hanging on to? What opportunities are showing up for you, that you are ignoring? Just what would happen if you let go of that rope and let your feet land where they may? Hmmm… Happy adventuring fellow introverts.

I’ll Bet You’re Wondering...

2010-03-02T06:03:00.000-08:00

I’ll bet you’re wondering how my last adventure turned out. The short version is “it didn’t”. I’ve been thinking all weekend how to spin this into an adventure (i.e. Adventure-Gone-Wrong) but, for the life of me, I can’t. So many things started unraveling 30 minutes into our excursion that we made a quick, executive decision to scrap the trip and recoup our loses at home as best we could. With grand bravado we declared: “We don’ need no stinkin' road trip to have fun!” There was plenty to do close to home.

Even that got scrapped…rain, headaches and sore throats began to rule the day. So here it is Monday morning, still nursing a headache, with little to show for my grand adventure than a promise of tomorrow (well, not really tomorrow, but one day soon).

Here’s what I learned, however:

It’s nobody’s fault – sometimes ‘stuff’ happens.

Even the best laid plans can go awry--Roll with it.

Let it go…move on and stay in the moment as that’s the only thing you’ve got anyway.

You know when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade? Well, I made chocolate cake and it seemed to work pretty well too.

Never Start a Road Trip With a Dirty Car, and Other Grand Advice

2010-02-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Never start a road trip with a dirty car. I’m not sure what will happen if you do, but it’s advice that I’ve always followed. Funny the rituals we go through as we prepare for the unknown. Is it our attempt to have the last illusion of control before we take that plunge into the unfamiliar?

I used to hate that feeling of being out of my comfort zone, but I've come to hate, even more, the feeling of being left out of my life. Now, I’ve become friends with the butterflies in my belly. When they visit, I know I’m staying true to my dream of living life fully…unfettered by fear and doubt. Tonight I am entertaining butterflies again. But they are welcome here because soon I will put the Central Coast in my rear view mirror and head south to an adventure. If you want to come along for the ride, just follow me. I'll be the one with the shiny, clean car.

Where Hunger Can Take You

2010-02-23T04:00:00.000-08:00

Made an impromptu cookie-run to Cayucos - to the Brown Butter Cookie Company. I was immediately offered bite-sized samples as I entered the red storefront. Who knew cookies topped with sea salt would taste so good? I bought a few more than I planned.

Treats in hand I headed onto the town’s pier. The cloud strewn horizon created intrigue and beauty. In time, my breathing matched the rhythm of the waves below me as I soaked in all the ocean had to offer...if for only a moment.

Sometimes the simplest things in a day can be the best…all it took was a thought and the willingness to act on it. So easy, so pure, so tasty. I got my cookie…where you gonna get yours?

Life In a Traffic Circle

2010-02-19T07:16:00.000-08:00

We have a traffic circle in my small beach town. It’s either humorous or irritating depending on how your day is going, but it’s rarely dull. Yesterday it reminded me of a metaphor for life. Some people get in and out with the greatest of ease. Others seem to get stuck in the inner lane and don’t know how to exit. Some will make it to the outer lane but get so confused that they stop at all exits, not sure really what to do next. And then there are people who can’t even get into the circle because they’re always waiting for the right time…the safe time.

In my life I want to be able to get into and out of situations with the greatest of ease. I want to explore all exits and see where they take me. I want to navigate cautiously around others with less resolve and perhaps entice them to follow my path for a little while.

My Adventurous Introvert self won’t allow me to travel with the crowd. Am a loner, yet I love people. I need quiet and serenity, yet I crave adventure. I will seek places both innermost and outermost, but adventure I will. Next week I will begin taking Facebook from Virtual to Reality. I will be armed with laptop, GPS and cameras, both still and video, and I will begin sharing my adventures through the eyes of an introvert.

I hope you follow along as I connect with my new friends and experience their town through their eyes. I’ll be creating as I go as I’m never sure what I’m doing until I’ve done it. Just like my traffic circle, it will never be dull. Adventure is an attitude, create a new one each day.

Do Opposites Really Attract?

2010-02-16T04:15:00.000-08:00

Extroverts: Can’t live with ‘em and can’t live without ‘em. They can keep things interesting and they can certainly be entertaining, and when properly trained they can learn to respect your need for cave time too.

But what happens when two introverts get together? It’s been described as “I like being with you, it’s just like being alone.” Well, that’s one way to look at it. It is nice to be able to be in the same room with someone without having to talk or perform. If your work entails lots of people interaction, being alone with someone certainly has its appeal.

Introverts spend time in their heads. It’s what they do. It’s what they love. It’s how they function. They are the great thinkers, planners, and dreamers of the world. They are forever watching a home-made movie in their head. However, when you have two individuals running their own mind-movies at the same time it’s pretty hard to leave one script and join the other’s.

Communication is paramount to any successful relationship. Sometimes we introverts spend so much time in our head (and yes, even having a mental conversation with that person sitting across from us), that we think the other person is up to speed with our thoughts. That’s not necessarily so. How many times have you thought something yet forgotten to verbalize it? You know you’ve processed it because you’ve gone over and over it in your mind…but you forgot one tiny little detail. You forgot to tell the other person. You both end up not on the same page. You’re not even in the same book.

I’d love to hear from you. Looking at your significant relationships, do you function best with someone like you, or opposite from you? Or do you find other traits to be more important? While we love our solitude, the reality is we love our relationships too. Only...we want them on our terms and in our own way. What is important to you? I’d love to know.

Flirting

2010-02-12T04:00:00.000-08:00

Just what is it about flirting that is so fun? The other night my friend and I were having dinner at a little bistro in town. The place had that continental flair—all dark and cozy, a handful of tables for two, crystal chandelier hanging in the center of the room while candles glowed on each table. It was an absolutely charming place to have a quiet meal and visit for a while.

There were two guys dining at the table next to ours and the place was so small, we couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. Growing hops. Now you’ve got to admit, there’s a conversation you don’t hear everywhere. You hear talk of wine, food, travel, work, relationships, but hops? Never.

Now it’s not my style to interrupt or impose myself on the conversations of others, but here we were, two single women out on the town and there they were two (presumably) single men sharing an interesting conversation over a cheese board and beer. Yes, there was a little flirting going on too.

As we left, my friend and I commented on how great flirting makes you feel and wondered why don’t we do it more often? Well, I don’t know about you, but it’s not a natural thing for me to do. It feels forced. I just don't have that easy-going, relaxed, flirty personality. I think I come across as too serious most of the time. But there it is…that ‘too’ word. Maybe I’ll just give it a try a few more times. After all, flirting is fun. Besides, you can be serious and have fun at the same time, right? It's just like adventure--it's simply an attitude, and a fun one at that!

You Can Laugh, Or You Can Cry

2010-02-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

I know what’s missing. Laughter. The kind that takes you by surprise and rolls over you, first as giggles, then erupts deep from the belly. The kind that keeps bubbling over as you try to compose yourself, yet often threatens to explode once again. You hold your aching stomach, your cheek muscles sting, and tears stream down your face. You are in the midst of pure, unfettered joy.

It’s hard to summon up this intensity in solitude, but I have my tricks. The body is an amazing thing. We store our emotions here, there and everywhere inside. I have a handful of memories that bring about an instant feeling of joy. Tapping into a memory can take you immediately there. We all know this instinctively. That’s why we might try to avoid unpleasant memories….we can ‘feel’ them as if they happened yesterday.

“To every situation in life”, my mother used to say, “you have a choice: you can laugh or you can cry.” She was right, wasn’t she? The tension that builds inside us for either emotion feels very much the same in the body…it’s only the mind that determines how it will manifest.

There are some who avoid tears like the plague, thinking they are protecting themselves. But if you’re not willing to accept the tears…how can you hope for the gift of laughter?

No Man Is An Island

2010-02-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

"No Man Is An Island." The first time I heard this saying I was quite young—nine or ten perhaps. My gut reaction at the time was “Like hell!”, and still is to this day. Granted, I grew up with my introvert wounds of never feeling like I belonged, but there was more at play there, I think.

You see, I’ve chosen islands most of my life. The metaphor is that one is cut off and separate from the main stream. Yup, that’s me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the egg or the chicken quandary. Would I have sought solitude if I felt more accepted in my surroundings? Or did my solitude cause discomfort in others and their projection affirmed my decision to isolate? Regardless of the reasons, solitude is my comfort zone. Not all introverts feel this way, but many, many do in varying degrees.

I’ve had many extroverted friends that truly believe I am missing something by remaining separate. But for the life of me I don’t see what it is. I have very close and nurturing friendships, I have family that doesn’t necessarily understand me, but truly accepts me. I am happiest in my own company for the majority of my waking hours. I have such richness of depth in my daily life I do not feel lack in any way. What I do feel is gratitude that I can create such an idyllic life. You see, on my island I get to go ashore as often as I want. I have it all. I truly have it all.

Isaac, the Purrfect Extrovert

2010-02-05T03:01:00.000-08:00

Isaac gets a little grumpy when cooped up in the house for too long. He is a cat that knows no stranger and lives to explore. Most mornings I let him out for a few hours. My neighbors call him by name. They may not know me, but they sure know Isaac. Often he joins me part way on my morning walks; veering off into his own proscribed rounds several blocks from home.

On a cute little silver tag on his collar is his name and my phone number. I had to do this because he is always trying to follow someone home, (he especially loves trotting alongside anyone walking their dog), and I thought they should know that he has a home and someone who loves him very much. Sure enough I get one or two phone calls a week describing where he is and who he is hanging out with. Sometimes it’s another cat, but it can be a dog too. Usually, according to the messages, he walks into their home and takes over. Luckily he is so charming and handsome that he is considered grand entertainment by all.

But I digress. He is my extrovert. He is the epitome of extroversion. He is not only in the center of any activity, he the one wearing a lampshade on his head at a party. When I have friends over, he becomes supercharged with energy and can keep us entertained for hours. He becomes willful when kept inside for too long. Newness and adventure thrill him, and I suspect he could easily adopt whoever provides the greatest excitement du jour. This worries me because my house is usually pretty calm and quiet. Perhaps he’s going to get bored and abandon me for someone more lively.

We adopted each other at the cat shelter. I know why now, I was someone new and interesting. Someone he just had to have a closer look at. I, of course, thinking deeper than mere curiosity, thought that we were meant to be together, why else would he have made a beeline to me? Why indeed! And thus is the story of opposites attracting. Yes, I can live with an extrovert just fine, I just have to remember to kick him outside often enough. After all, I need my alone time too.

The Energizer Bunny

2010-02-03T12:43:00.000-08:00

My senses were on full alert as I opened my eyes from a brief nap, eight hours into the road trip. It was two in the morning and it was still my friend's shift to drive. Traffic was light as I looked around to see what woke me up. Traveling south, we had just crested the Grapevine and were on the outskirts of Los Angeles—a city where the freeways are never still. But it wasn’t the traffic that woke me, there were no loud noises nearby, and my friend hadn’t spoken. Yet I could ‘feel’ it…energy coursing through my veins. Not just amped energy but excitement energy…anticipation energy. Energy that was strong enough to wake me from a sound sleep. It’s the same energetic rush I get from many cities. The streets of New York, San Francisco, and even Portland give me their personalized brand of an energetic rush. Each city feels different, but the rush is very much the same. It should be noted that I’m not very fond of L.A. as places to be, but the energy I was feeling was very enjoyable.

So I’m puzzled. Introverts get their energy from within, I know that. Too much stimulus (i.e. excitement) can deplete their reserves, I know that too. Yet here am I, an introvert to the max, getting high off of L. A.’s energy--a city that I don't even particularly enjoy. The phenomenon seems discordant…But the fact remains, in a city, my senses are flooded with energy. You can’t get much more external than that.

Now I realize that there must be a difference in the types of energies I am feeling. The external energy that a city gives off is palpable—it is probably what draws the masses to it. But does it reenergize the introvert? I’m not so sure. I still need my space, my cave, my alone time. Without it I begin to shut down and withdraw from doing anything. So the energy I get from a city shouldn’t be confused with the energy I get from within. They might feel the same initially, but they are very different animals.

Big cities, however, are the easiest places in the world to be alone. Where else can you be among a throng of people who don’t even acknowledge your existence? What better place to sit at a sidewalk café and people watch? Where else are the choices of things to do so vast? Where indeed?

Big cities are an attraction for me…it probably appeals to my adventurous side and has little to do with my introversion, but big cities play into who I am so exquisitely. Loving the energy rush yet staying within my cocoon. Alone, but not lonely. Getting the high a location has to offer, yet always going within to recharge and get ready for my next adventure.

Packard, Party of One

2010-01-30T12:10:00.000-08:00

Eating out alone can be an unusual experience, and not always a pleasant one. I’ve talked to so many that have their strategies for getting through it. But mostly it’s a strategy for getting through it, not necessarily enjoying it. What’s an introvert to do? Here’s some of the advice I’ve gathered through the years:
• Bring a book—it’ll give you something to do and look at.
• Make lunch your main meal out to avoid the “I’m the only one here eating alone” stigma from the dinner
crowd.
• Pretend you’re waiting for someone, but order while you’re waiting.
• Sit at the counter/bar.
• Eat before the dinner rush

I’m sure there are countless more, but what strikes me the most is what depths we go to disguise or lessen the stigma of eating alone. Some of these strategies have benefits for the introvert. We love to read, and we often prefer noncrowded places; but why have we become conditioned to apologize for our circumstances…as if we don’t deserve the nice table next to the window?

I know, a lot of it is economics, but I’ve found that if I eat a bit earlier that the typical rush hour, I can ask for the nice location without feeling guilty (and the guilt is purely for economic reasons). It should be noted that I usually eat early under normal (i.e. home) circumstances, so this isn’t a concession for someone like me.

But eating and enjoying the experience are two different things. One thing that I love to do is talk to the server about his or her recommendations. I’ve tried many a dish based on server recommendations that I’ve ended up loving and would never have chosen on my own. Many times I’m up front about feeling uncomfortable eating alone and would like to make an experiment out of this…being honest more often than not yields great results.

A scenario that I recently went through went like this: “I’m eating alone tonight, and I thought I’d take this opportunity to turn it into something of an experiment and order a variety of appetizers, unless you have a better suggestion from the menu?” The response was that my server suggested their trademark Soup Du Jour and two very unique appetizers (an Oyster ‘something’ and the Calamari Rings with a Cajun dipping sauce).

The food was great, but the real benefit was the interaction I had with my server for the duration of the meal…he was most attentive (almost as if he was making sure I wasn’t lonely perhaps?), but not intrusively so. It was fun to interact and to try foods I might not have picked otherwise. Because they were his suggestions, I could ask questions about the dish—how was it prepared, where the chef is from, how often do they change their menus and specials, etc.

This particular dining experience was an adventure that turned dining solo into something fun instead of something to endure. It was a perfect evening for an introvert alone (but not lonely!). I drove back to my room with pleasant thoughts, happy memories, and a satisfied palate—a nice way to end the day before I went back into my introvert cave and recharged for t he next day’s adventure.

How To Have an Adventure When Your Attitude Sucks.

2010-01-27T08:14:00.000-08:00

It’s painfully clear that one can find joy, passion and adventure without even leaving the house—it is all about attitude. This is especially true for introverts as we love to spend that quality time inside our heads. But how do you have an adventure when your attitude sucks?

My attitude has been a bit wimpy for several days; teetering between blah and pissy. An attitude that is decidedly NOT what (in my clearer moments) I’m all about. What’s up with that?

Loving introspection, I’ve been doing a ton of that, and I wonder just what this shift is all about? Is it me? Is it them? Is it the weather? Is it my diet? Is it the planetary line-up? WHAT is really behind this feeling of ennui; this lack of passion and this almost perverse enjoyment of negativity? If you think I can answer these questions in this post, you can stop reading right now, because I can’t. I have no profound thoughts on this matter except to acknowledge that sometimes a bad mood is just a bad mood. Sometimes you just gotta sit with it and let it pass.

Do Not Be Afraid of Dying, Be Afraid Instead of Not Living.

2010-01-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

Has introversion been a prison for you? A reader’s recent question: “How do I climb out of my shell without making myself stressed and end up sick?” Now, I may not know what ‘coming out of my shell’ means to this reader, or how the stress manifests itself or even what the type of sickness might be…I don’t have to because for many introverts this is a familiar struggle. Our system’s struggle to handle the chemical and emotional overload that comes with the territory of being introverted is what we deal with on a daily basis: 24/7.

If it were as easy as being well energized then a quiet nap in darkened room would be the cure-all and we could go about our merry ways. But often, that’s only touching the surface of our struggles. This same reader wondered if they were just weird. Now that is a whole new box of crayons with which to color ones world.

I’m weird. I know I am, and I fully embrace it…now. But I knew I was weird as a child too, and that didn’t feel very solid to my young psyche. I knew I didn’t fit in, I wasn’t like the others. Therefore, I must be faulty. THAT, I think is what many introverts struggle with today…the wounds from childhood that happened as they tried to make sense of their world—to integrate their inner and outer worlds.

These wounds can be big ‘T’ traumas, or little ‘t’ traumas. But let me assure you, those little t’s can pack quite a wallop. So for introverts, we have to learn to come to terms with our misconceptions about the world before we can safely come out of our shell and adventure out into it on our own terms. The world is as safe and as scary as you allow it to be. For me, the true light began to flicker inside when I finally ‘got’ what was meant by these wonderful words: Do not be afraid of dying, be afraid instead of not living.

Define Boring!

2010-01-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

I’m not boring and I’ll bet you aren’t either. But if you’re an introvert you’ve probably had an extrovert or two take shots at your ideas of fun.

I was recently watching a seminar describing the differences between introverts and extroverts. The speaker asked for audience participation and wanted them to describe their idea of a perfect day. As you can guess, the introverts mostly described quiet, solitary, relaxing activities while the extroverts usually described action packed, people oriented activities. As the speaker paused and was grasping for words to explain the introvert’s activities, someone blurted out “Boring!”

That’s it isn’t it? Extroverts think we are boring as hell? Most extroverts would find us really interesting and quite funny if they would just pause long enough for us to catch our breath and collect our thoughts. My introvert friends know this about me. My extrovert friends…wait…do I have any extrovert friends? Maybe not. Maybe I’ve reached a point where I’m just tired of hearing that I need to loosen up more, I need to have more fun, and come out of my shell, join the party. Maybe I’m just tired of trying to talk over their non-stop chatter to convince them that I’m pretty darned happy the way I am, thank-you-very-much. I'm anything but boring, I've got a party going on in my head all the time, and it's fun in there!

Do You Have a "Do Not Disturb" Sign?

2010-01-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

Overheard: “I just want a day where no one comes over. Nothing is planned, and I don’t even have to answer the phone.” Spoken like a true introvert. Many of you have mentioned that your need for a day to yourself is something you crave. Me too, sometimes so much so that I physically ache when I don’t get it. The really odd thing is that most days I only have a small amount of distractions, or other-than-me stuff. Why does it seem to derail my momentum when I have to do something other than what I want to focus on? You would think that a time-out for an hour or two could be easily taken in stride.

Could it be that I am so much on the edge of overload that simply attending to life’s little necessities teeters me closer to falling off? Or is this just the way things are? Me not wanting to focus on anything other than …well, me? Am I doomed to living in solitude to avoid interruptions? Alone but not lonely? Maybe, but I still think it’s a matter of managing my energies.

Knowing that interruptions will cause me stress when I’m in my creative zone shouldn’t require not having interruptions or worse, not getting creative…Coulda, woulda, shoulda…it’s just what I deal with. Some days more so than others, but I’m learning not to place judgment on the way I deal with life’s little interruptions…sometimes they just suck.

Enough Stirring Already!

2010-01-12T08:36:00.000-08:00

My friend and I had a mini adventure back to Paso Robles and the wonderful cheese shop, Di Raimondo’s Italian Market. As we explored the rest of the town we were getting energized by the creativity displayed in many of the retail shops. Few words were exchanged as we both internalized what we were experiencing---that’s what I love about my friend, we’re usually on the same page of interaction, and can just be quiet together.

We decided to stay for lunch before heading back to the coast and took care to pick an interesting restaurant. We chose well as we examined the menu…lots of tempting things to pique the salivary glands. As we ordered, we were commenting how nice the place was. And then……..,seated at a table no more than 6 feet away was a woman and her gentleman friend. We heard her first…then felt the onslaught of her energy. She was stirring a simple glass of iced tea as if her life depended on it. Seriously…the energy was so intense that my friend and I had to stop our conversation and just stare while she relentlessly attacked the ice cubes.

Do not think for one moment, dear reader, that this was ordinary stirring to dissolve some sugar…there was way more to it than that. The really fascinating part was the rest of her body language. She sat relaxed, her face was open and smiling, her friend was too. They seemed to really be enjoying their lunch together. But oh, the hand that stirred the drink…first with the spoon, then with the straw. I wanted to tell the server not to refill her glass. It was non-stop for the entire lunch.

Part of me was hugely entertained by this woman’s actions, the other part wanted to throttle her (alright, at the very least dump her drink in her lap---but wait, she would have to have a refill). How can a person send such mixed singles: Happy, relaxed, and open, but killer with the stirring hand? My friend wanted to say something, but honestly? I sensed some danger there. What we witnessed was adventurous enough for me….

I Hate Being Interrupted When I’m in a Frenzy

2010-01-12T07:17:00.000-08:00

Introverts can be pretty smart. We like to delve into a variety of subjects deeply if for no other reason than to satisfy our curiosity. I love following my intellectual urges and often feel happiest when I am thinking through a problem or situation. My brain works in an organized manner most of the time, but I can also jump into a creativity frenzy where food, sleep and routine are farthest from my mind.

I’m in one of those now, and hallelujah I haven’t been interrupted—well, that 30 minutes without power slowed me down a bit, but I kept my momentum going. I have been anticipating this spree for several weeks now. Trying to get my days arranged so that IF I felt the urge I could work uninterrupted. Needless to say many days passed with me simply enjoying my solitude.

But Friday’s Vision Board party started my juices flowing again…and I’ve been lost in my own world of creative energy. That’s the good news. That’s the joy of letting creativity run rampant through the house. The bad news is I’m not done, yet I have a day full of errands and appointments today. I feel like I’m being interrupted from this creative process. ‘Geesh, Zan, how delicate is your creativity’, I ask myself? Well, we’ll find out this afternoon when all is said and done…but for now, the juices will have to go back to marinating…might not be so bad after all: marinated things are sometimes the best.

The Path of the Introvert

2010-01-11T06:11:00.000-08:00

I don’t like everyone I meet. There, I said it. I recently had to decline an invitation from someone who always (yes, always) leaves me feeling unsettled and irritated – you know the kind, the one who seems to like you but makes remarks that leave you wondering “What the hell just happened?”

As an introvert, I used to tell myself that I was too sensitive, or not social enough (too much or not enough…now there’s a pair!) The bottom line was that somehow it was all my fault…and I agree that my feelings are my responsibility. But sometimes a jerk is just a jerk, and the best I can come away with is the power to recognize that when someone leaves me with the feeling that I lack something…well, quite frankly, it is they who are lacking.

So I had to decide how to deal with this friend. As an introvert, I already know that socializing saps my energy, but with the right people it is still quite rewarding. Why in the world would I spend my precious energy with the kind of person that just leaves me exhausted and drained? Why indeed…so in an act of true self-love, I decided to Just Say No.

Here’s another confession…that felt pretty good too.

The Adventure of Letting Go

2010-01-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

I had my housewarming party last night. It has been years since I’ve hosted a party, but I found it’s like riding a bicycle: you never lose it. The house came together (enough; I’ve learned to let go of perfection). Everyone I invited came, and some new friends came as well, as guests…I had a house full of happy people enjoying each others company. And check out the yummy food everyone brought!! (Yep, I'm still all about the food!)

This morning I am a contented, satisfied introvert…glowing from the memories of the night before, and sitting alone in quiet with my double-shot cup of coffee. I seem to have created this life of my dreams, and I walk around wondering how the hell I did it?

How did I go from feeling like I was in shackles for twenty some-odd years to this feeling of such emotional abundance? I realize it’s because I let go.

I let go of possessions, I let go of location, I let go of predictably, I let go of the life that no longer served me. And working from a clean slate, I deliberately and consciously created what I have now: A life with a perfect blend of adventure and excitement and serenity and solitude. Being an introvert is no longer a struggle for me. I embrace it and incorporate my needs into all my activities. What a gift to be free. What a gift to have the energy to continue to be an Adventurous Introvert finding adventure where-ever I go.

And the party? Well, I’ve chosen my friends well…I couldn’t have asked for a better evening.

Vision Board Party

2010-01-06T07:17:00.000-08:00

I'm having a Vision Board party this Friday...if you haven’t done yours yet, and if time permits, do yours on that day too...Please share pix of your completed board with the rest of us. Go to my fan page to post your pictures and any comments you’d like to add (find link below). It might inspire someone else to do this fun and productive process.

Here’s how I’m going to do mine:

GATHER:

Magazines and catalogs (sometimes a Dr. office is a good source for those if you clean out and throw away routinely …the rest of us will probably have plenty available)
You will also need scissors, glue (stick or otherwise) markers, highlighters etc.
Poster board
Inspirational music

BEFORE YOU BEGIN:

Sit quietly for a moment and center your mind deep within. Invite your intuition into the Vision Board process for your personal growth and well-being. Openly agree to accept all information that comes to you whether you understand its meaning or not.

WHEN READY:

Look thru the pages and cut out pictures, words or phrases that seem to stand out to you; interest you; or feel like they have meaning to you in some way. Don’t worry about what you’re going to do with them…just stack each one in the same big pile.

When you feel you have collected enough images, set them aside for a moment. Next, decide on the categories of your Vision Board…for example Family, Work/Career, Friends/Social, House/Home, Travel/Adventure, Relationships/Romance…you decide what areas you want to focus on. If you work from inspiration, then you will be doing it right…it is not a good idea to over-think this process.

Begin to sort through your images and intuitively place them in the pile they belong. You might find that you have ‘left-over’ images that don’t seem to belong anywhere. I suggest that you dedicate an area of your vision board to these images…arrange them in a manner that pleases you. These images may be a big part of your future that you are not yet aware of…you may not even be aware that this area has importance for you; just let your inner guide take you along on your journey.

Use the full variety of implements available…glue, markers, stickers, highlighters etc. Try not to think this through, just go with what pleases you at the moment. You are working from inner knowing and inspiration…things will unfold to your benefit whether you understand them right now or not.

HAVE FUN and please take a photo of your Vision Board and upload it to my Facebook Adventurous Introvert Fan Page . Choose a wall to display your Vision Board...a place that you will see daily. However, as I've said before, I packed mine away for a year yet I still ended up doing the work I needed to. Trust the process, you know what you're doing!

Even Packed Away it Worked!

2010-01-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

Last year about this time I did a vision board. I knew I was actually moving to the Central Coast (as opposed to just dreaming and wishing for it). This was going to be the biggest adventure of my life—creating a new life for me—and I wanted to be sure I did it right. I did not want to remain an accidental tourist in my life…I wanted to intentionally create the Dream-of-All-Dreams.

I did my vision board, and posted it on my front door for the 6 weeks it took to terminate my Northern California life and load the last box into the moving van. I intended to post it immediately where ever I landed. That didn’t happen. It remained packed away. Only now, with this last move did I find it, and what a pleasant surprise it was!

My 2009 vision board had four main areas: social, work, home and travel. In the past, work had always been my primary focus, but it took a secondary role on this vision board. Friends and adventure loomed big, and as I look back, that has been where my energies have been spent these last 12 months. I might add, that friends and adventure had little place in my life during the recent years, so this was a big shift in my energy.

The vision board I did last year mirrors where my heart and mind focused. Coming across this board a year later really magnified how powerful this tool is. Even packed away in a storage unit it was working its magic. I am going to create another vision for this year…I have a few ideas in mind to let my inner guides loose and show me the path of the next part of my journey. This time, since friends play such a strong part in my life today, I think I will have a group over and we can all do our boards together (separately). I am excited to learn just where my energies will be adventuring next!

Herding Kayakers is a Lot Like Herding Cats

2010-01-02T05:40:00.000-08:00

There was quite a large crowd gathered for the local New Years Day paddle. Happy, excited people swarmed the beach getting their gear ready to launch. As usual, my friend and I were the first ones to arrive and be ready to go. Patience has never been my virtue so waiting for such a large crowd to coalesce was, at first, a challenge. However, I could feel the pure joy in the air as they laughed and chattered away amongst themselves, happy to be with others who shared their passion for the water.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize there were more that a few extroverts among us. Oh, not all were chatting away excitedly, but enough were to set the tone for the group. Group pictures were demanded in only the way an extrovert can. No one, including me, wanted to dampen the energy and enthusiasm that was displayed.

Since I was still nursing my aching back, I decided not to follow the group across the harbor out to the back bay. I was more than a little concerned that my back couldn’t endure the tides or wind (or both) and I would need to call it a day. So off I went on my own route, by myself, while the group happily paddled into the brand new day.

Understanding my introversion really helped me see the situation for what it was. Everyone was getting every last drop of fun and energy from the day. The extroverts were energizing by having fun being with people. This introvert was energizing by having fun alone. It turned out to be a lovely day. The conditions were serene and glassy…quiet except for the cries of the gulls and the barks of the sea lions. This was just the kind of day that fills my heart with gratitude and joy. I could not have asked for a better way to start the new decade.

Celebrate The Fact That Life Affects You Deeply

2009-12-30T06:07:00.000-08:00

It’s important to acknowledge that an introvert’s brain functions differently than the brains of extroverts. Different levels of thinking (deeply rather than surface) happen in different parts of the brain. PET scans have shown that introverts spend more time in the part of the brain that thinks deeply (accessing memory, problem solving)…pathways to that part require different neurotransmitters. It turns out that introverts also have a greater sensitivity to dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives thrill seekers their ‘high’. Thrill seekers (often extroverts) love the dopamine rush. So an introverted thrill-seeker can feel at odds with them self biologically and emotionally.

Introvert’s brains are already highly active due to the way they process their thoughts. Add to that their sensitivity to dopamine, and it’s no wonder that introverts need plenty of downtime. The world is an exciting place…the best way to handle the excitement for an introvert is to monitor their exposure to it. Plan for it. Know that you will probably experience overload in new and exciting activities, and have strategies in place that will allow you to balance your energy as often as needed.

So to all introverts: Celebrate the fact that life affects you deeply…enjoy your rich inner journey and feed your natural tendencies to retreat to your quiet zone. Life is an adventure no matter how you experience it.

Friends I've Never Met!

2009-12-27T20:09:00.000-08:00

For some time I've been dreaming of an adventure involving my new Facebook friends. Wouldn't it be fun to go and visit as many friends as I can? The friends I'm talking about are the new ones that I've developed strictly through Facebook - and I can tell you from my heart that they feel like really good friends to me. We have communicated via status updates, comments, private messages, personal e-mails and Skype. I often find myself referring to a 'friend' that is strictly a Facebook friend...part of me is a bit chagrined at that, but the other part of me really feels the true friend connection with these special people.

So my curiosity asks, how much of our core personality comes through in our status updates? I think mine have been genuine and authentic, and I think the many that I have connected with have been too. So maybe, just maybe, a grand adventure would be to travel to as many cities and locales that I can and just spend some quality time visiting...face to face.

I can name several people I would really like to know better...there is something about their online presence that really grabs my attention - speaks to my heart. So it seems that a wonderful adventure would be to just arrange a road trip to get to know these FB friends.

Part of my new lifestyle habits are to always consider deeply what keeps coming to my attention. This is one of those ideas...I think I'd better get my car serviced and start lining up some quality time with my newfound friends. After all, you know there isn't much that I like better than a good road trip, and a grand adventure!!

Today is Only Today

2009-12-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

Whenever I feel like things aren't moving fast enough, I only have to remember how things were just a short time ago. Life is moving at exactly the speed it is supposed to go. Impatience is just an illusion, completion is just an illusion, success is just an illusion. Today is only today. It is all we have to work with. How do you spend each of your today's?

Compassion and Courage

2009-12-24T12:27:00.000-08:00

I have much to be thankful for this holiday season. Far more of my life is in good order than not, but still I have my moments of doubt, disappointment and sadness. The holidays actually intensify these feelings for me. Sometimes I am gripped by sadness as I look back over the years…this sense is with me today, but does not fit in today’s world. Where, then to put it? I know it is momentary and will pass. I know there is not much intellectual logic in my feelings, but still it sits in my heart…this heaviness.

I am so thankful that the years of yore are past and are no longer a part of my daily reality. I recognize that the holidays are rife with triggers that dredge up these old wounds. Wounds that have healed over and are no longer inflamed.

I feel guilty having this sadness, not only at this time of year but also in the midst of such lovely abundance that I call my life. The holidays should be for joy, but I know all too well that they do not bring joy to everyone. I know all too well that we are not to display our pain at this time of year which adds even more to the feelings of brokenness and loneliness. If you are feeling the wounds of your past, know that you are not alone. Know that we all have a moment or two of pause, of sadness, of regret. This too is what the holidays bring. I wish you understanding and compassion in every moment of your life. Lacking that, I wish you strength and courage to be who you are and step boldly into tomorrow.

Happy New Year November 30th!

2009-12-03T06:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever tried to enter cold water one toe at a time? It's not very fun or encouraging is it? Sometimes the best thing that you can do is just 'jump in'! But for those of us who have lived with our breaks on for most of our lives it is too easy to talk ourselves out of drastic moves.

Almost a year ago, I jumped and jumped big. I left Northern California where I had lived for twenty some-odd years back to sunny Southern California. It was frightening and exhilarating at the same time and I was so empowered by my courage and resolve.

I realize now, that I relocated like one-toe-at-a-time getting into cold water....A year ago I immediately found a small little studio to live and establish my base....I justified that I wasn't really sure where I wanted to live and felt the need to be 'in transition'. I always knew that this tiny studio, as charming as it's been, would not suit my needs forever.

After I returned from my wonderful adventure in New York, I knew that I did, indeed, want to stay in this area, and that I also wanted a more grounded, permanent feel to my life. Serendipity came to visit just before Thanksgiving.

My little haven lost its power and I was couch surfing for almost a week. That might have been OK if I hadn't just returned from almost three weeks on the road. Emotionally and energetically I really needed a home base to recharge and I wasn't getting it.

Having time on my hands I was roaming around my area and discovered this amazing condo that seemed to have my name written all over it. Yes, I signed on it and will be moving in shortly. The shift that happened within almost felt like "Ahhh, I'm home, I'm here, I belong." Without realizing it, I was yearning for a more grounded existence. Instinctively I knew that that is what would enable me to continue adventuring outward. To continue to expand my world of adventure.

Without everything falling into place at once, (desperate to be home after traveling, losing power and not being able to be home, all at the right time the condo was on the market) life would have taken on a different color. Right now I feel energized and excited about what tomorrow will bring...it's a new year a month early!